Fic: Moon Jelly (Kuragehime; for queer_fest)
Title: Moon Jelly
Author: melengro
Fandom: Kuragehime
Pairing/characters: Kranosuke and Tsukimi
Rating: PG
Prompt: 'Kuragehime : Kuranosuke, Just because he crossdresses, it doesn't mean he wants to be a woman. His identity is more complicated than that.'
Summary: Kuranosuke is upset; Tsukimi wonders why; conversation about the habits of ziphonophores ensues.
Author's notes: Many, many thanks to my lovely beta and friend judamacaby .
Disclaimer: If Kuragehime was my intellectual property, Chieko would be a secret agent and Jiji would be in a relationship with Bob Balaban's character from Gosford Park. Obviously this is not so. Feels bad, man.
Moon Jelly
Dear mother in Heaven,
Today when Kuranosuke came around he seemed to be in a bad mood. Something was bothering him. Of course, it's not unusual for him to be bothered or upset by things any more than it is for anyone else, but this seemed a little different. It was something with one of his Stylish friends, he said.
He was being awfully vague, just sitting in my room gazing up at the ceiling with his arms behind his head. His lipstick was smudging as he worked the muscles of his mouth. It was like he wanted to mumble to himself but not to go to the effort of opening his mouth.
'You're starting to worry me, Kuranosuke-san...'
I don't know. Mother, do you remember how shy I used to be, how shy I always have been? I'm not so shy around him anymore, but it's still hard. I feel like the last person who'd be able to counsel him on his problems.
'Am I bothering you, Tsukimi?' he asked. He tried to smile. The expression that came out actually made me a little afraid. I really do not know what I am doing in a conversation like this, mother.
All I could do was nod. Kuranosuke sighed. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I had...' He yawned. 'Something happened with a friend from college just now.'
'What happened?'
'They said I wanted to be a woman.'
Oh, my. What do I say here? I don't know anything about things like this. I don't know what it is to be a boy, or to want something other than what you have. I do know what it is to worry about what other people think. Does this really bother him that much?
'And it bothered you because...you don't?' I asked. 'I mean...' Gulping, I hung my head. I am really not good at this at all...am I, mother?
'I don't,' Kuranosuke said. 'For walking around, day-to-day, the way I normally do, it's fine for people to think so. But these are people who I know well and like a lot.'
'I'm someone you know. And I don't understand. I'm sorry--'
'Don't be.' Kuranosuke leaned forward. His face was close enough for me to smell the treatment chemicals in his hair...and now he was smiling and I was looking away and, oh, isn't this just so like me, mother? 'I haven't told you,' he said. 'How should you?'
'Had you told them?'
'I had.'
'What had you told them?' Curling up a little, clutching a drawing-pad to my chest, a pose very like me as his frenetic looseness of posture was very like him, I said 'Can you tell me?'
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 'What I told them...' he said. He flopped back, shrugging his shoulders as he did, so that his top was lifted a little by its thin straps and fluttered around the level of his belt. 'It's a lot more complicated, Tsukimi, than most people really get.'
'Do you think I can understand it?'
'I know you can, Tsukimi.' Kuranosuke smiled, and clasped his hands together. Kuranosuke is good-looking. Dressing and acting and being the way he does suits him. 'How about this? I am a Portuguese man-o'-war, all right? But for some reason or another I'm not happy with what the world says a Portuguese man-o'-war is supposed to be like. So, I decide that I would like to--not be, but maybe to be like a moon jellyfish instead.'
'But...Portuguese man-o'-wars are much larger than moon jellyfish. You couldn't disguise yourself as one. Also they are not actually jellies at all. A Portuguese man-o'-war is a colonial ziphonoph...'
'People are not jellyfish, Tsukimi,' he said. 'Maybe it wasn't the best analogy but can we go with this for now?' He said it so kindly. He's so patient towards me at times like this, mother.
'Okay,' I said.
'So the Portuguese man-o'-war has friends who say that because he does what he does he wants to be a moon jelly,' Kuranosuke said.
'Can you blame them for thinking that, if you're disguising yourself as one and spending time with other moon jellies?'
'No. I couldn't but I've explained this to them. They're Portuguese man-o'-wars too, but they know me. I don't want to sting people or whatever it is that Portuguese man-o'-wars do but that doesn't mean I'm not one.' He slumped forward again and sighed. 'But, you know, apart from Portuguese man-o'-wars or moon jellies or anything, sometimes you really want to just be a jellyfish and that's all.'
'If a Portuguese man-o'-war doesn't sting it can't eat...'
'Should I maybe have used a different analogy?'
'No, it's fine,' I said. 'It's fine. Sorry.' I looked at my feet for a few moments, then at him again. He was sitting in front of a picture of a flower hat jelly. I think that might have been a better jellyfish to use for 'girly' than the moon jelly, maybe. But the flower hat jelly was our first dress so it has other meaning too. Maybe that's why he's not using it. 'But I mean...' I said '...would you mind being a moon jelly? If God waved a magic wand and made you a moon jelly would you be upset?'
'Probably not,' Kuranosuke admitted, 'but things are a lot tougher in the world as it actually is. All I want is to be a person. It's really not that hard most of the time because I try not to let it grind me down.'
'But their misunderstandings are hard to deal with because they're your friends.'
Kuranosuke nodded. 'I'm glad you understand so well, Tsukimi,' he said. He smiled, this most absolutely sweet and warm smile, and put his hand on my head and we sat there for a while looking at my pictures.
Of course, a few minutes after this Chieko came up and told us to come down for hotpot and Banba was sulking because the train schedules had changed in a way that was inconvenient for her and Mayaya was still angry at Kuranosuke for something he made her do a couple of weeks ago. So it was all back to what normal is for us here. But these conversations are also part of that normal. And he is part of that normal. So I'm glad I understand him a little better now, mother. I'm so glad, because, mother, even if people don't always get through to each other at all, it is still much better with others who care around.
Author: melengro
Fandom: Kuragehime
Pairing/characters: Kranosuke and Tsukimi
Rating: PG
Prompt: 'Kuragehime : Kuranosuke, Just because he crossdresses, it doesn't mean he wants to be a woman. His identity is more complicated than that.'
Summary: Kuranosuke is upset; Tsukimi wonders why; conversation about the habits of ziphonophores ensues.
Author's notes: Many, many thanks to my lovely beta and friend judamacaby .
Disclaimer: If Kuragehime was my intellectual property, Chieko would be a secret agent and Jiji would be in a relationship with Bob Balaban's character from Gosford Park. Obviously this is not so. Feels bad, man.
Moon Jelly
Dear mother in Heaven,
Today when Kuranosuke came around he seemed to be in a bad mood. Something was bothering him. Of course, it's not unusual for him to be bothered or upset by things any more than it is for anyone else, but this seemed a little different. It was something with one of his Stylish friends, he said.
He was being awfully vague, just sitting in my room gazing up at the ceiling with his arms behind his head. His lipstick was smudging as he worked the muscles of his mouth. It was like he wanted to mumble to himself but not to go to the effort of opening his mouth.
'You're starting to worry me, Kuranosuke-san...'
I don't know. Mother, do you remember how shy I used to be, how shy I always have been? I'm not so shy around him anymore, but it's still hard. I feel like the last person who'd be able to counsel him on his problems.
'Am I bothering you, Tsukimi?' he asked. He tried to smile. The expression that came out actually made me a little afraid. I really do not know what I am doing in a conversation like this, mother.
All I could do was nod. Kuranosuke sighed. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I had...' He yawned. 'Something happened with a friend from college just now.'
'What happened?'
'They said I wanted to be a woman.'
Oh, my. What do I say here? I don't know anything about things like this. I don't know what it is to be a boy, or to want something other than what you have. I do know what it is to worry about what other people think. Does this really bother him that much?
'And it bothered you because...you don't?' I asked. 'I mean...' Gulping, I hung my head. I am really not good at this at all...am I, mother?
'I don't,' Kuranosuke said. 'For walking around, day-to-day, the way I normally do, it's fine for people to think so. But these are people who I know well and like a lot.'
'I'm someone you know. And I don't understand. I'm sorry--'
'Don't be.' Kuranosuke leaned forward. His face was close enough for me to smell the treatment chemicals in his hair...and now he was smiling and I was looking away and, oh, isn't this just so like me, mother? 'I haven't told you,' he said. 'How should you?'
'Had you told them?'
'I had.'
'What had you told them?' Curling up a little, clutching a drawing-pad to my chest, a pose very like me as his frenetic looseness of posture was very like him, I said 'Can you tell me?'
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 'What I told them...' he said. He flopped back, shrugging his shoulders as he did, so that his top was lifted a little by its thin straps and fluttered around the level of his belt. 'It's a lot more complicated, Tsukimi, than most people really get.'
'Do you think I can understand it?'
'I know you can, Tsukimi.' Kuranosuke smiled, and clasped his hands together. Kuranosuke is good-looking. Dressing and acting and being the way he does suits him. 'How about this? I am a Portuguese man-o'-war, all right? But for some reason or another I'm not happy with what the world says a Portuguese man-o'-war is supposed to be like. So, I decide that I would like to--not be, but maybe to be like a moon jellyfish instead.'
'But...Portuguese man-o'-wars are much larger than moon jellyfish. You couldn't disguise yourself as one. Also they are not actually jellies at all. A Portuguese man-o'-war is a colonial ziphonoph...'
'People are not jellyfish, Tsukimi,' he said. 'Maybe it wasn't the best analogy but can we go with this for now?' He said it so kindly. He's so patient towards me at times like this, mother.
'Okay,' I said.
'So the Portuguese man-o'-war has friends who say that because he does what he does he wants to be a moon jelly,' Kuranosuke said.
'Can you blame them for thinking that, if you're disguising yourself as one and spending time with other moon jellies?'
'No. I couldn't but I've explained this to them. They're Portuguese man-o'-wars too, but they know me. I don't want to sting people or whatever it is that Portuguese man-o'-wars do but that doesn't mean I'm not one.' He slumped forward again and sighed. 'But, you know, apart from Portuguese man-o'-wars or moon jellies or anything, sometimes you really want to just be a jellyfish and that's all.'
'If a Portuguese man-o'-war doesn't sting it can't eat...'
'Should I maybe have used a different analogy?'
'No, it's fine,' I said. 'It's fine. Sorry.' I looked at my feet for a few moments, then at him again. He was sitting in front of a picture of a flower hat jelly. I think that might have been a better jellyfish to use for 'girly' than the moon jelly, maybe. But the flower hat jelly was our first dress so it has other meaning too. Maybe that's why he's not using it. 'But I mean...' I said '...would you mind being a moon jelly? If God waved a magic wand and made you a moon jelly would you be upset?'
'Probably not,' Kuranosuke admitted, 'but things are a lot tougher in the world as it actually is. All I want is to be a person. It's really not that hard most of the time because I try not to let it grind me down.'
'But their misunderstandings are hard to deal with because they're your friends.'
Kuranosuke nodded. 'I'm glad you understand so well, Tsukimi,' he said. He smiled, this most absolutely sweet and warm smile, and put his hand on my head and we sat there for a while looking at my pictures.
Of course, a few minutes after this Chieko came up and told us to come down for hotpot and Banba was sulking because the train schedules had changed in a way that was inconvenient for her and Mayaya was still angry at Kuranosuke for something he made her do a couple of weeks ago. So it was all back to what normal is for us here. But these conversations are also part of that normal. And he is part of that normal. So I'm glad I understand him a little better now, mother. I'm so glad, because, mother, even if people don't always get through to each other at all, it is still much better with others who care around.