some of my favorites . . . Questions posed to triage receptionists in the Emergency Services. . .
"How do I euthenize my goldfish?" (receptionist on phone for 20 minutes)--TELL THEM TO FLUSH IT!
"Can my bird eat cheese?"
"How do I make my kitten poop? I am rubbing his belly and he isn't pooping." (for those of you who don't know, mother cats stimulate their kittens to deficate by licking their anuses. Therefore, if you foster kittens, you need to gently rub their anus with a damp cottenball to simulate this action. This woman was rubbing the kittens abdomens and wondering why they weren't pooping and appeared bloated.
"There is a bird trapped in my skylight. What do I do?"
"What's in Bologna? (Cats meowing in background) My cats want some bologna and I want to know what's in it."
"Will I get my real cat back if I get a private cremation?"
"Will my dog live longer if I get him castrated? He's 7 years old and I need scientific proof that he'll live longer before I can make that decision. Will he be less lively? I want proof." (castration can prevent testicular cancer, obviously)
"Do you have the phone numbers of an animal newspaper? You know, a newspaper just for animals?"
"I need the department for sperm collection. This is an emergency. Well, it's not an emergency, but it's urgent."
"My son stepped on my cat's whiskers (kid in background yells, "It was an accident!") and about three of them came out. Is that an emergency? I thought they couldn't really live without them. "
"Hi, I have a question. My cat walks around a lot meowing. Is that a problem> He also licks himself while he's around me and eats bugs. Is that normal?"
And my favorite so far, a call taken by Steve:
"You mean puppies have bones in their legs?" (when told that her puppy's leg was probably broken).