(no subject)
Isn't it funny how we seem to get ourselves wrapped up these tangled webs of who likes who, who hates who. Can we all not just be friends without complicating things with emotions? It's just like a soap opera that I'm watching through glass. In fact, if I wrote this shit down, I could sell it; it just couldn't get any better. Jack likes Susan but Susan is sleeping with Joe who secretly has a crush on Susan's brother Bill... but Jack lost his memory in a tragic car accident and forgot he had a kid with Rebecca. Shit like that, except better, but I don't feel like writing it all down, hence why I'm still poor. In fact, the real life stuff is much better. This year seems to be filled with so much drama and we are only four or five weeks into it. I'm trying to stay out of it all but the shit just lands in my lap and I can't help it. I wish I knew what I wanted. I want the summer back. I want to be loved like I was. Well, I don't know if it was love. Better yet, I want someone to care for and for me to care back. But I'm supposed to be strong right? I'm supposed to not need anyone to be happy, I should just be content with who I am and happy to be me. I lay in bed at night and I don't feel happy. I'm in fact by myself. I wish I could not depend on someone else for my happiness. Someday I hope I can reach that "nirvana" if thats even what you would call it. Don't get me wrong, I love myself. I think you have to love yourself before you can love another with any justice. But it just feels like I'm missing something. Maybe it's not even a person that I'm missing; maybe it's something else. Whatever it is, I feel like there's a hole that I'm stumbling around and someday I'm going to fall into it if I'm not careful. More than anything, I wish I had the answers to solve everyone else's problems because I know I'm not the only one that has them. I hate seeing my friends hurting and knowing I don't know what to do to help them. If I had the choice to help myself or help my friends with their problems, there is no doubt in my mind that I would help them over myself. But I don't know and it bothers me because you have friends for a reason; they help you through hard times and I feel like I'm not being a good friend by not knowing what to say when they come to me with a problem. Maybe I should stop trying to play God.
I went to the driving range today and had a wonderful time. The weather was perfect. I was shooting better than I normally do even with not having played for over a month. I go out there and I'm at peace. I wish I could have played an actual round but it was kind of crowed plus I don't like playing by myself for 3 or more hours. It's a good time to not worry about anything else and I all I'm concerned with is my slice. It sounds corny but it works, and frankly, I don't care if you think it's corny, your problem.
We ended the night at 2 in the morning on a friday night which is unheard of. Normally its past five. Lesson of the day: One of the funniest things is to watch friends get belligerently drunk and then try to play cards. I'm throughly convinced that watching drunk people is much better than being drunk. My stomach seems to think so, too.
-Sorry this is so long, but once again, I don't care.
"The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
Maybe I should hold with care,but my hands are busy in the air."
-Wish You Were Here, Incubus
I went to the driving range today and had a wonderful time. The weather was perfect. I was shooting better than I normally do even with not having played for over a month. I go out there and I'm at peace. I wish I could have played an actual round but it was kind of crowed plus I don't like playing by myself for 3 or more hours. It's a good time to not worry about anything else and I all I'm concerned with is my slice. It sounds corny but it works, and frankly, I don't care if you think it's corny, your problem.
We ended the night at 2 in the morning on a friday night which is unheard of. Normally its past five. Lesson of the day: One of the funniest things is to watch friends get belligerently drunk and then try to play cards. I'm throughly convinced that watching drunk people is much better than being drunk. My stomach seems to think so, too.
-Sorry this is so long, but once again, I don't care.
"The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
Maybe I should hold with care,but my hands are busy in the air."
-Wish You Were Here, Incubus