Just when you think you've heard it all....
Cindy (one of my drivers) hands me the phone and mouths the words 'this guy is an ass'. I take the reciever and give my most bubbly 'Hi, this is Melanie how can I help you?' and I get this scratchy, almost grating tone SCREAMING back at me: "WHY THE HELL DID YOU SEND ME THESE COUPONS IF I COULD GET THE SAME THING AT PIZZA HUT FOR LESS?!?!' I'm like Whoa. Back the fuck up off me. (thought it! not said it *giggles*) The rest of the convo went as follows:
M- well, sir, the magnet coupons were sent to everyone in Noble county to use as they wish. Just because you have them doesn't mean you have to use them.
CRUSTY BASTARD (CB)- Well, I can get a super supreme at pizza hut for less than what you're offering your one topping pizza for. AND they give me a senior citizen discount. Do you have a senior discount?
M- No, sir. We do not.
CB- Well you need one.
M- I will ask the owners the next time I have a meeting with them if they would like to take a senior discount into consideration. However, as low as most of our prices are, we'd be slitting our own throats giving additional discounts.
CB- When is this meeting?
M- Um...end of the month.
CB- Well, you need to tell Pepsi that EVERY place they own should use the senior discount.
By this time, I'm thinking this guy is a serious fucking nutcase. He's bitching because we sent him coupons. If you think you can get a better deal somewhere else, then go there. Toss the fuckers. Use them to wipe your ass, line your birdcage, I don't care.
M- Tell Pepsi what sir?
CB- Pepsi owns you and they set the rules and everywhere else that they own has a senior discount. Why are you guys so special?
M- Sir, we have no affiliation with Pepsi Co, other than our beverage supplier.
CB- No, it says right here, PEPSI (screams this in my ear). That means pepsi owns you.
M *thinking* WHAT THE FUCK?!?! TAKE YOUR MEDS!* Says: No sir. THis is an independantly owned franchise. We are not owned by any other corporation. We pay Hungry Howie's a fee for using their name and product. Pepsi is only our beverage supplier. Nothing more.
CB (oblivious to what I just said) KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and you all are owned by Pepsi and should all have the same rules and discounts. I can get a super supreme for what I'd pay for a one topping at your place.
M- (getting frustrated) Sir, we're not owned by pepsi. Also, if you look at your coupon more closely, you'll notice that not only do you get the pizza, but a bread and a two liter of pop with it for that price.
CB- But I can get a super supreme for that!
M- So get a super supreme.
CB- Let me talk to the manager
M- I *AM* the manager.
CB- Well, I'm going to call pepsi tomorrow and tell them that you all are not giving senior discounts. Also I can't eat just one topping on my pizza. I have to have all the other stuff or I can't chew it.
M- O_o *is speechless*
At this point, I'm thinking this asshat's keeper must have stepped out to smoke a serious pile of crack in order to put up with the old man's shit and he somehow figured out how to use the damn phone to call the first number he saw. He doesn't get that we are not OWNED by pepsi co. Fuck. Also, wouldn't it be EASIER to chew one topping instead of all that crap they put on a super supreme? Maybe I'm living in a parallel universe where less is actually more and is harder to take than three inches of toppings. I dunno. Tis weird and keeps getting weirder.
CB- You really need to get the senior discount. I can get the...
M- Super supreme for less than our price. I know. You've told me.
CB- So yeah! You need to get the senior discount. Pizza hut gives me 15% and you expect me to pay how much for more than one topping?
M- Additional toppings on a large are $1.39 or $1.09 for a medium.
CB- I CANT AFFORD THAT! Not when I can get a super supreme...that has EVERYthing on it mind you...for less than your supposed 'deal'. When was that meeting again?
BY this point, I'm sticking around the convo strictly for amusement purposes and something to write here later. Decide to fuck with him a little.
M- Meeting will be at the end of October. We have one every month. If you'd like you could come along with me but I don't think they'd pay for your lunch seeing as you're not an employee. However, my bosses, the owners, would love to get some input from a potential customer. Would you like to come with me?
CB- *silence for about 45 seconds* I can get a super supreme at pizza hut for less than your coupon.
M- Yes sir, you've told me. Several times.
CB- Well, I can't afford to pay your prices. I'm trying to live on a fixed income and I eat out every day. How am I supposed to afford your food?
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!!! Fixed income and you EAT OUT EVERY DAY?!!?!?!?! What the bloody blue fuck is that about? So instead of hearing about the super supreme one more time, I decide to placate him a bit and let him think I feel sorry for him.
M- So sorry to hear about that. I know that has to be hard.
CB- Damn right it's hard. Hard to find people that keep their prices reasonable for those of us on fixed incomes. Can't even afford your sales. (at this point, I know I'm about to hear about the super supreme again so I cut him off)
M- Well sir, I'll talk to the owners about getting a senior discount at our next meeting and perhaps you could call back and I'll let you know.
CB- Yeah, I'll do that. Although, I probably won't call at the beginning of November because that's election time and you are all busy so I'll just eat at pizza hut for now and I'll call you about the middle of November. Is that ok?
M- Yes, sir, that's fine.
CB- You really need that senior discount.
M- I'll be sure to work on that for you. Was there anything else I could help you with tonight?
CB- You need that senior discount.
M- Anything BESIDES that...
CB- And better coupons. I can hardly read this on this pink paper.
IT's a pastel pink with big, bold black writing. The shit would jump out and bite you if it were a snake.
M- Would you prefer the yellow?
CB- You have yellow?
M- We used to. Anyway, I'll be sure to ask about the senior discount and everything else.
CB- Just don't forget missy, I'll be calling Pepsi co tomorrow and telling them how you're not giving seniors discounts.
Here's my chance for a big finish.
M- Well sir, the people at pepsi co will not know what you're talking about as they do not OWN US. We are an independent franchise. Pepsi is our beverage supplier and nothing more. They have no affiliation with us other than to give us the pop that we order from them. That's it. We pay them for pop. They bring the pop. We sell the pop and then it starts all over again.
CB *silence for a few seconds* (I could almost hear the lightbulb clicking on) OH! So pepsi doesn't own you?
M- No sir.
CB- Well then that makes sense. Thanks for all your help.
M- You're welcome sir. You have a good evening.
CB- Don't forget about my discount!
M- How could I forget. Good evening sir.
Before he could bring up the super supreme one more time I hung up the phone. Holy fucking shit dude. This conversation, while having taken the better part of half an hour to type only took about five minutes. It took everything I had to keep from laughing at him and then screaming at him and then laughing again. IT was insane. And old people wonder why the hell some younger people have no respect for them. OPEN YOUR EARS! Turn up that fucking miracle ear and actually LISTEN instead of running your mouth. Granted, he was the exception and not the rule. Thank goodness. If all the old people we served were like that, I'd probably quit.
Fuck me.
So yeah, that's my day's excitement. I know some of you out there work in retail/food service and know what I'm talking about. Mankind is fucked. It's all down hill from here. I can almost feel us being sucked into a massive black hole of emptiness. Ugg. I...just...ugg.
Other than that, been feeling pretty good. Managed to lose about 20-25 lbs in the last couple of months. Have to go to my Mother in law's house to check for certain. She's got a killer set of scales. Set exactly to my doc's scales (maybe callibrated correctly, unlike mine:P) so I believe them. My clothes aren't fitting like they should and I feel sooo much better. Another 20 and I'll treat myself to a tattoo. Another 20 after that, I'm treating myself to new clothes and another tattoo. Sounds like a kick ass goal to me:D
*dances* Only a few more days and I should have 'The Fragile' in my hands. MINE. All. Mine. Then I'll get either CSI Season 2 or 'Closure'. Haven't decided yet. Probably CSI but I dunno...might just get that random bug up my ass and decide on something totally different. Weird like that I guess;)
The spiders around my house are starting to creep me out. With the nights getting cooler, they're trying to get in the house. I now have at least four that I've hair sprayed to death and are sitting in various poses around the house. The most amusing being the one on the steps. It was a HUGE spider (aggressive house spider, about four inches long, very nasty looking little bastard) that I sprayed to death as he was walking up the steps. That's right. Walking UP THE STEPS. ARRGGHH! So he's now frozen, forever in time, making that last reach towards a step he never saw. I keep expecting him to move but he won't and I know that. It's just weird as fuck all to see him sitting there, perfectly preserved in a cocoon of hair spray *giggles*
Babbled and bored long enough. Rock on.