my visit to the gynecologist....
I cant figure out if every normal thing I try to do just turns out to be complicated or if I am the one who overexaggerates the situation and makes it seem worse than it is... either way I had a terrible time at the doctor today.
First of all Cedars Sinai is impossible to maneuver around. I finally get to room 1125 E about 20 minutes late due to traffic and me being retarded. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see that my doctor wrote a book called "10 ways to a better sex life." This is just fucking ridiculous.
So I wait like 50 minutes in these rickety mismatching chairs and read a magazine. At this point I was fathoming up excuses in my head as to why I had to leave and reschedule, but no, I stick it out, I've already racked up about $10 in parking fees so what the hell...
FINALLY I get called back to the office, the nurse is nice and I ask her if she needs a urine sample because I have to pee really bad, she says no and tells me the bathroom is around the corner. The first thing I see on the toilet is a piece of hair, REALLY LONG piece of hair, I wanted to vomit. So as usual, I hover, great start to this visit.
I go in the room, put on the horriffic paper clothes and sit on the table. I always get bored and rifle through the drawers, looking for hidden cameras and such, but alas I found nothing.
Dr. Wyatt walks into the room, he introduces himself. He is nice, but I can't help notice his creepiness. Another copy of his book is displayed next to the "HAZARDOUS NEEDLES" container. Now that's quality.
He asks me why I am here and I tell him the situation, and he can't find some of the records in my transcripts and I tell him exactly what my previous doctor said and he starts second guessing him. I'm like well I've been going to this doctor since I was 17 and he's wonderful. So the doctor starts shoving things in my box, making comments like "oh you've got a small vagina, you need to loosen it up so i can take a sample from your cervix." yuck. Also he tells me I'm too cute to have cancer?!? what?! He has to put this scary looking needle with some clippers at the end up my box and precedes to "rip" pieces out, I'm like what the hell this isn't how I remember it from last time! He complains that his scissor thingys arent sharp enough and I'm thinking "yea so just trying to rip pieces of my cervix out will fix that solution, as opposed to getting sharper scissors, douchebag." So this hurts like hell, and he starts drawing a picture on a napkin of what a normal cervix looks like and what needs to be done to mine to fix it. I'm not sure how but he starts giving me a lecture about pituitary glands and the birth control I'm on, and I'm like "is this guy fucking serious?" I don't need his goddamn opinion about what kind of birth control I need to use and how it affects my pituitary glands, I'm pretty sure I learned that when I was like 12 or something. The rest is just annoying and I decide that I don't like this doctor. I think it's because he wrote a book. I'll write a fucking book about how to have a good sex life, motherfucker.
To make matters worse, my fee for parking ended up being $13.65 (the ol $1.95 per 15 minutes scam) and OF COURSE i have only $10 in cash, and OF COURSE they only accept cash, not cards. So I argue with the guy that it's ridiculous that I'm paying $13 to park and that all I can give him is $10. He says I have to back up and walk 2 blocks to a bank to get cash. There are like 20 cars behind me honking and wishing me death, there is no way I am backing up. I tell the guy I can only give him $10 end of story. So this bitch walks up and tells all the cars behind me to move so I can back up and get cash, unbelievable. I drive back and find a parking spot 20 minutes later, walk in the cold to the bank, got charged $2.50 to withdrawl $20 and I drive back to the exit gate, mumble something about him being a dick because I could never yell at parking attendants, they only make like $6 an hour anyway, I would feel too much like a cunt, then I drive home in horriffic traffic. My stomach hurts and I have to go back to that office in 2 weeks for another appointment, I might just find another doctor because my next appointment is February 2nd, and that is the Tiger Army show.
The good news is that I don't have to work tonight and I just got a letter saying I can get $160 a week in unemployment, faaaaantastic.
Thank god for O&A or life would be unlivable.
p.s. Fingers still crossed for Hell's Kitchen.... dammit I probably just jinxed myself.
Good ol Dr. Wyatt to the rescue...
First of all Cedars Sinai is impossible to maneuver around. I finally get to room 1125 E about 20 minutes late due to traffic and me being retarded. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see that my doctor wrote a book called "10 ways to a better sex life." This is just fucking ridiculous.
So I wait like 50 minutes in these rickety mismatching chairs and read a magazine. At this point I was fathoming up excuses in my head as to why I had to leave and reschedule, but no, I stick it out, I've already racked up about $10 in parking fees so what the hell...
FINALLY I get called back to the office, the nurse is nice and I ask her if she needs a urine sample because I have to pee really bad, she says no and tells me the bathroom is around the corner. The first thing I see on the toilet is a piece of hair, REALLY LONG piece of hair, I wanted to vomit. So as usual, I hover, great start to this visit.
I go in the room, put on the horriffic paper clothes and sit on the table. I always get bored and rifle through the drawers, looking for hidden cameras and such, but alas I found nothing.
Dr. Wyatt walks into the room, he introduces himself. He is nice, but I can't help notice his creepiness. Another copy of his book is displayed next to the "HAZARDOUS NEEDLES" container. Now that's quality.
He asks me why I am here and I tell him the situation, and he can't find some of the records in my transcripts and I tell him exactly what my previous doctor said and he starts second guessing him. I'm like well I've been going to this doctor since I was 17 and he's wonderful. So the doctor starts shoving things in my box, making comments like "oh you've got a small vagina, you need to loosen it up so i can take a sample from your cervix." yuck. Also he tells me I'm too cute to have cancer?!? what?! He has to put this scary looking needle with some clippers at the end up my box and precedes to "rip" pieces out, I'm like what the hell this isn't how I remember it from last time! He complains that his scissor thingys arent sharp enough and I'm thinking "yea so just trying to rip pieces of my cervix out will fix that solution, as opposed to getting sharper scissors, douchebag." So this hurts like hell, and he starts drawing a picture on a napkin of what a normal cervix looks like and what needs to be done to mine to fix it. I'm not sure how but he starts giving me a lecture about pituitary glands and the birth control I'm on, and I'm like "is this guy fucking serious?" I don't need his goddamn opinion about what kind of birth control I need to use and how it affects my pituitary glands, I'm pretty sure I learned that when I was like 12 or something. The rest is just annoying and I decide that I don't like this doctor. I think it's because he wrote a book. I'll write a fucking book about how to have a good sex life, motherfucker.
To make matters worse, my fee for parking ended up being $13.65 (the ol $1.95 per 15 minutes scam) and OF COURSE i have only $10 in cash, and OF COURSE they only accept cash, not cards. So I argue with the guy that it's ridiculous that I'm paying $13 to park and that all I can give him is $10. He says I have to back up and walk 2 blocks to a bank to get cash. There are like 20 cars behind me honking and wishing me death, there is no way I am backing up. I tell the guy I can only give him $10 end of story. So this bitch walks up and tells all the cars behind me to move so I can back up and get cash, unbelievable. I drive back and find a parking spot 20 minutes later, walk in the cold to the bank, got charged $2.50 to withdrawl $20 and I drive back to the exit gate, mumble something about him being a dick because I could never yell at parking attendants, they only make like $6 an hour anyway, I would feel too much like a cunt, then I drive home in horriffic traffic. My stomach hurts and I have to go back to that office in 2 weeks for another appointment, I might just find another doctor because my next appointment is February 2nd, and that is the Tiger Army show.
The good news is that I don't have to work tonight and I just got a letter saying I can get $160 a week in unemployment, faaaaantastic.
Thank god for O&A or life would be unlivable.
p.s. Fingers still crossed for Hell's Kitchen.... dammit I probably just jinxed myself.
Good ol Dr. Wyatt to the rescue...