fanmix - Flashback of a Feeling
Still on my X-Men kick... I can't get over them. :) I've been thinking (and sort of writing) but I've had these songs stuck in my head for Erik and Charles so I had to make this first.
The drabbles for each song follow a story of sorts as they look back on their time together and consider the future. Angst, with a dash of hope. ♥
Original of the Species
I’ll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind
And you feel like no one before
What do you know about me?
Everything.
It was a lie. Charles didn’t know everything… not even close. It was a bluff, a gamble to get the other man to stay. Oh, he knew enough to know what he was up against. Erik’s emotions reminded him of a lightning storm - bright and unpredictable. He thought Erik was captivating.
He wasn’t sure of what Erik really thought of him yet. He didn’t trust himself to look.
Temptation
I stand alone now, I stand alone
But can you save me from myself?
You are my temptation
Erik was used to being alone. He preferred it that way - there were no limits. No one to control him, no one to hold him back. No one to distract him.
Until Charles.
Charles had no idea how dangerous he was… completely disarming and utterly tempting, offering Erik things like security and companionship and understanding. Very tempting indeed.
Your Surrender
I got close to your skin
While you were sleeping
I taste the salt on your hands
I reached out to touch you
The morning light disarms you
Won't you let me in?
Charles had never known another’s mind as well as he knew Erik’s. Each time Erik let him in, he let him in deeper and Charles couldn’t keep from wanting more, more, more. It was addicting.
When they inadvertently discovered that Erik could, in fact, hide things from him, then it became a game. They played hide-and-seek with closed-off memories and locked desires. Charles loved a challenge.
He’d catch glimpses of what was hidden in some of those places, just beyond his reach… things perhaps even Erik didn’t yet know. Unfortunately, Charles wasn’t sure how long his self-control could last.
Spit the Dark
If hope is a dangerous hole, will you join me?
Jump there's a world of war. Will you join me?
Eyes closed for lives to open up
Free fall with me to open up
Amazing - that’s how Charles used to describe Erik’s gifts. Erik couldn’t see it that way… it was just who he was and what he could do: he could control metal. To him, that was a skill, not a gift.
Charles, now he had a gift. Being able to read thoughts and control minds… the possibilities were infinite and incredible. Erik wished he could’ve convinced Charles to cultivate that to its full potential. Sure, Charles had his tricks and his strengths but he was afraid to really use them. He wouldn’t push beyond that boundary. He wouldn’t let his morals be compromised. Of course not.
Erik would, though. Erik had. He was selfish and wanted revenge and Charles had suffered the consequences.
They both had.
Nobody Sees
Who’s gonna watch your back?
Who’s gonna reel you in?
Who’ll make surprise attacks?
Who’s gonna be there at the end?
It wasn’t fair, Erik thought bitterly. Charles had rescued him, had seen something in him worth caring about, but Charles wasn’t here. He wasn’t where he should be.
It should’ve been Charles who stayed with him, who fought with him… who was strong when he couldn’t be. Charles belonged by his side.
It always should’ve been Charles.
Runaway
Run, run, run away
Lost, lost, lost my mind
Like you to stay
Want you to be my prize
It wasn’t fair, Charles thought bitterly. He’d saved Erik. He’d taught him and opened up to him, but somehow he’d missed something along the way. They had a bond that Charles thought was unbreakable.
Charles had never known what he wanted, not really. But he’d wanted Erik. He’d wanted him to stay here, with him. They could’ve been - were, he reminded himself, were - equals.
They were unequaled.
Transatlanticism
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door
Have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Charles feels restless in the manor. This is his home, he knows it inside and out, but it’s never felt this big.
Even though it’s filled with students and humming with life, it’s never felt this empty.
Satellite Mind
When I'm bored, I send vibrations in your direction
Through the satellite mind
Erik couldn’t bring himself to take the helmet off for quite some time. He knew he was safe. He knew Charles couldn’t reach him, and yet…
When he finally does, he doesn’t feel Charles pushing at the edges of his thoughts. He doesn’t feel anything. He didn’t realize he’d become so used to it, but it was strange to be completely alone in his own mind. He keeps his thoughts unguarded, futilely searching for any trace of Charles’s presence, any indication that he’s thinking about him, but it remains eerily quiet.
He's almost disappointed.
Let’s Not Pretend (To Be New Men)
’Cause you did what you did and you did it so well
You say that you won’t, but you’ll do it again
If they could not trust you before then they won’t trust you now
Charles thinks about Erik often. He thinks about the moment when he realized Erik was gone… lost to him. He wonders if he could’ve done more. He wonders if he should’ve known better, should’ve seen it coming.
If they could go back and do it over, would he be able to change it? Would anything make a difference?
What he doesn’t realize is that Erik wonders the same thing.
Don’t Ask Me
Quit acting so friendly
Don't nod don't laugh all nicely
Don't think you'll up-end me
Don't sigh, don't sip your iced tea
And don't say, "It's been a while."
And don't flash that stupid smile.
The next time he saw Charles was five months later. Charles looked up at him, smiled and held out his hand.
“Erik,” he said warmly, “you look well.”
Erik wanted to punch him the face.
Invincible
When they finally come what will you do to them?
Gonna decimate like you did to me? Will you leave them stunned and stuttering?
…
That crushing crashing, atom-smashing, white hot thing
Invincible, you’re invincible
“I'm even stronger now,” Erik tells him, with the confidence of someone who knows he can’t be defeated. He kneels so they’re eye-to-eye.
“Do you see that plane up there?”
Charles squints until he sees the small shape moving across the bright blue. He nods.
“I could drag it out of the sky and land it here in your backyard. Shall I?” he smirks.
Charles frowns disapprovingly at him.
“I'm aware of it in a way I wasn’t before… I can sense things in a room before I walk through the door. I can manipulate things from distances you can only imagine.”
He runs his fingertips along Charles’s arm and Charles feels his body vibrate under the touch.
“I can feel the blood rushing beneath your skin,” Erik whispers, almost reverently.
Charles shivers, in spite of the heat. There’s a difference between knowing what Erik is capable of and actually feeling him use that power. It’s incredible. Terrifying, yes, but incredible nonetheless.
I’ll See Your Heart (And I’ll Raise You Mine)
Yeah, they keep swapping shoulders
I think there's something going on
Will you be my sweet pea? Will you be the card up my sleeve?
Says one to the other
And this time they hold their gaze for too long
Raven doesn’t know what to think when she discovers that Erik has gone to see Charles. He won’t say anything about it, so the next time she demands to go as well. It’s not what she expects…
They talk, but cautiously. They share ideas, but with reservation. They hold back from one another.
She remembers how this house - their house - used to feel… but this is not the same. She realizes she doesn’t belong here anymore.
She doesn’t understand why Erik comes here… or why Charles lets him. It makes no sense to her until she sees them seated in a study with a chess board between them. Suddenly, they’re the young men she remembers. The change is so palpable, she can’t help but linger to watch, though she suspects Charles must know she’s there.
There are no words, only expressions, as they each work their way across the board. There’s some kind of secret language in their motions and in their eyes, something only they understand.
Seeing them like this, one could almost believe they were friends.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Download -> HERE
If you have any problems with the link, please let me know so that I can fix it. :) Enjoy!
The drabbles for each song follow a story of sorts as they look back on their time together and consider the future. Angst, with a dash of hope. ♥
Original of the Species
I’ll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind
And you feel like no one before
What do you know about me?
Everything.
It was a lie. Charles didn’t know everything… not even close. It was a bluff, a gamble to get the other man to stay. Oh, he knew enough to know what he was up against. Erik’s emotions reminded him of a lightning storm - bright and unpredictable. He thought Erik was captivating.
He wasn’t sure of what Erik really thought of him yet. He didn’t trust himself to look.
Temptation
I stand alone now, I stand alone
But can you save me from myself?
You are my temptation
Erik was used to being alone. He preferred it that way - there were no limits. No one to control him, no one to hold him back. No one to distract him.
Until Charles.
Charles had no idea how dangerous he was… completely disarming and utterly tempting, offering Erik things like security and companionship and understanding. Very tempting indeed.
Your Surrender
I got close to your skin
While you were sleeping
I taste the salt on your hands
I reached out to touch you
The morning light disarms you
Won't you let me in?
Charles had never known another’s mind as well as he knew Erik’s. Each time Erik let him in, he let him in deeper and Charles couldn’t keep from wanting more, more, more. It was addicting.
When they inadvertently discovered that Erik could, in fact, hide things from him, then it became a game. They played hide-and-seek with closed-off memories and locked desires. Charles loved a challenge.
He’d catch glimpses of what was hidden in some of those places, just beyond his reach… things perhaps even Erik didn’t yet know. Unfortunately, Charles wasn’t sure how long his self-control could last.
Spit the Dark
If hope is a dangerous hole, will you join me?
Jump there's a world of war. Will you join me?
Eyes closed for lives to open up
Free fall with me to open up
Amazing - that’s how Charles used to describe Erik’s gifts. Erik couldn’t see it that way… it was just who he was and what he could do: he could control metal. To him, that was a skill, not a gift.
Charles, now he had a gift. Being able to read thoughts and control minds… the possibilities were infinite and incredible. Erik wished he could’ve convinced Charles to cultivate that to its full potential. Sure, Charles had his tricks and his strengths but he was afraid to really use them. He wouldn’t push beyond that boundary. He wouldn’t let his morals be compromised. Of course not.
Erik would, though. Erik had. He was selfish and wanted revenge and Charles had suffered the consequences.
They both had.
Nobody Sees
Who’s gonna watch your back?
Who’s gonna reel you in?
Who’ll make surprise attacks?
Who’s gonna be there at the end?
It wasn’t fair, Erik thought bitterly. Charles had rescued him, had seen something in him worth caring about, but Charles wasn’t here. He wasn’t where he should be.
It should’ve been Charles who stayed with him, who fought with him… who was strong when he couldn’t be. Charles belonged by his side.
It always should’ve been Charles.
Runaway
Run, run, run away
Lost, lost, lost my mind
Like you to stay
Want you to be my prize
It wasn’t fair, Charles thought bitterly. He’d saved Erik. He’d taught him and opened up to him, but somehow he’d missed something along the way. They had a bond that Charles thought was unbreakable.
Charles had never known what he wanted, not really. But he’d wanted Erik. He’d wanted him to stay here, with him. They could’ve been - were, he reminded himself, were - equals.
They were unequaled.
Transatlanticism
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door
Have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Charles feels restless in the manor. This is his home, he knows it inside and out, but it’s never felt this big.
Even though it’s filled with students and humming with life, it’s never felt this empty.
Satellite Mind
When I'm bored, I send vibrations in your direction
Through the satellite mind
Erik couldn’t bring himself to take the helmet off for quite some time. He knew he was safe. He knew Charles couldn’t reach him, and yet…
When he finally does, he doesn’t feel Charles pushing at the edges of his thoughts. He doesn’t feel anything. He didn’t realize he’d become so used to it, but it was strange to be completely alone in his own mind. He keeps his thoughts unguarded, futilely searching for any trace of Charles’s presence, any indication that he’s thinking about him, but it remains eerily quiet.
He's almost disappointed.
Let’s Not Pretend (To Be New Men)
’Cause you did what you did and you did it so well
You say that you won’t, but you’ll do it again
If they could not trust you before then they won’t trust you now
Charles thinks about Erik often. He thinks about the moment when he realized Erik was gone… lost to him. He wonders if he could’ve done more. He wonders if he should’ve known better, should’ve seen it coming.
If they could go back and do it over, would he be able to change it? Would anything make a difference?
What he doesn’t realize is that Erik wonders the same thing.
Don’t Ask Me
Quit acting so friendly
Don't nod don't laugh all nicely
Don't think you'll up-end me
Don't sigh, don't sip your iced tea
And don't say, "It's been a while."
And don't flash that stupid smile.
The next time he saw Charles was five months later. Charles looked up at him, smiled and held out his hand.
“Erik,” he said warmly, “you look well.”
Erik wanted to punch him the face.
Invincible
When they finally come what will you do to them?
Gonna decimate like you did to me? Will you leave them stunned and stuttering?
…
That crushing crashing, atom-smashing, white hot thing
Invincible, you’re invincible
“I'm even stronger now,” Erik tells him, with the confidence of someone who knows he can’t be defeated. He kneels so they’re eye-to-eye.
“Do you see that plane up there?”
Charles squints until he sees the small shape moving across the bright blue. He nods.
“I could drag it out of the sky and land it here in your backyard. Shall I?” he smirks.
Charles frowns disapprovingly at him.
“I'm aware of it in a way I wasn’t before… I can sense things in a room before I walk through the door. I can manipulate things from distances you can only imagine.”
He runs his fingertips along Charles’s arm and Charles feels his body vibrate under the touch.
“I can feel the blood rushing beneath your skin,” Erik whispers, almost reverently.
Charles shivers, in spite of the heat. There’s a difference between knowing what Erik is capable of and actually feeling him use that power. It’s incredible. Terrifying, yes, but incredible nonetheless.
I’ll See Your Heart (And I’ll Raise You Mine)
Yeah, they keep swapping shoulders
I think there's something going on
Will you be my sweet pea? Will you be the card up my sleeve?
Says one to the other
And this time they hold their gaze for too long
Raven doesn’t know what to think when she discovers that Erik has gone to see Charles. He won’t say anything about it, so the next time she demands to go as well. It’s not what she expects…
They talk, but cautiously. They share ideas, but with reservation. They hold back from one another.
She remembers how this house - their house - used to feel… but this is not the same. She realizes she doesn’t belong here anymore.
She doesn’t understand why Erik comes here… or why Charles lets him. It makes no sense to her until she sees them seated in a study with a chess board between them. Suddenly, they’re the young men she remembers. The change is so palpable, she can’t help but linger to watch, though she suspects Charles must know she’s there.
There are no words, only expressions, as they each work their way across the board. There’s some kind of secret language in their motions and in their eyes, something only they understand.
Seeing them like this, one could almost believe they were friends.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Download -> HERE
If you have any problems with the link, please let me know so that I can fix it. :) Enjoy!