this is mostly for me. just a boring update out of order.
i keep coming back to old clauses such as 'these days are dwindling' or 'what i would like is' and finding that there is no need for me to share anything anymore because my feelings are annually recycled. last year at this time of the year, i was enamoured by a boy who wouldn't even speak with me. right now, i don't know what it is that's happening, exactly. last saturday i spent fifteen hours in the middle of nowhere looking for the spiral jetty and the sun tunnels with a caravan of nine or so cars, one of which suffered through two flat tires, another got stuck in a ravine and started a grass fire, a couple of which ran out of gas on the way back to wendover, some of which were stuck in unbelievable mud, etc. tomorrow i'll spend most of the day in bed, reading a book or waiting until i have to work. then next saturday, it'll be saturday #1 beyond highschool. i'll be working off the late night before it, spending most of the day in bed, sitting outside maybe, cleaning my room, who knows. i've spent the last two years with saturday classes so this is an interesting change. aside from my birthday, i don't remember what it's like to sleep in on saturday or go out on friday. none of this is really relevant to anything. i'm just really bored on a friday night with nothing else to do. that, and i can come back in ten years and read my journal that i write for myself and say, 'oh! look at all these boring / interesting things that happened during the last couple of weeks of my senior year. how neat'. therefore, don't continue to read this if you don't want to because it benefits you in no way at all. in eighteen days i'm flying out to europe for thirty six days, thirty five days? we start in belgium, then head to i think germany, poland, czech republic, austria, italy and then france and back home. alicia will be here when i get back, and then i'm going to my grandpa's wedding, then laura is coming to visit and hopefully brad will come see me sometime inbetween there. he said he would, but it's expensive. then i start school sometime in august. i've been so ambiguous and have written words that maybe weren't the right ones and said things that didn't quite suit the situation. i've always made it a point to try, but nothing comes when it won't come. i think more poetically than i write, but i don't think very much at all. it always comes in short phrases that i never keep. on thursday, i was awarded $2,500 in scholarship money. i won a yearbook award and a leadership / hardship award. i've also recieved hefty amounts of money for graduation and my tax returns, and i get paid monday. i have to remind myself to not spend too much money in europe. so, kelli, don't drink too much wine or beer. i still can't believe i graduate next friday. i'm actually really sad. i hate the kids i go to school with, but i'm going to miss my teachers and my classes like no other. oh, boy. i'm going to cry i think on friday. remind me to not wear too much makeup (hah! i'm like a living version of the dead queen elizabeth and her pounds of makeup).
other than that, nothing. boring.