there's a quote that goes something along the lines of 'sometimes the saddest are the ones that laugh the loudest'. i think this is me: although i'm not the saddest, i never really smiled when i was young but i laugh a whole lot now. sometimes i think i shouldn't because not everything is really as funny as i think it is, but that's not true. everything really is just funny. but i'm still sad, jessica. i don't believe in destiny or fate, either, and that's something that gets me down, too. i believe in the complete responsibility of the individual in making his or her own life choices. the fact is, i'm not making the choices i have to make to be happy. i'm CHOOSING to be sad. that's my self-pity complex: i choose to be sad and then i get sad about choosing to be sad because i have no reason to. does that make sense? i don't know how to change. i give up on a lot of things because i'm not very successful at a lot of things, and as much as i pretend, i'm not quite the egomaniac i make myself out to be.
i have so many great things going for me, and yet (the masochist i am!) choose to not be happy. i'm very very grateful for everything, but i don't choose to be happy. i don't know why that is.
i love you, too; and hearing that is all i really need sometimes. it lightens my heart and makes me smile. thank you always.
i have so many great things going for me, and yet (the masochist i am!) choose to not be happy. i'm very very grateful for everything, but i don't choose to be happy. i don't know why that is.
i love you, too; and hearing that is all i really need sometimes. it lightens my heart and makes me smile. thank you always.
Reply
Leave a comment