don't speak, my old heart

May 14, 2006 22:13



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Re: I think I'm going to cry too. melaverdebella May 16 2006, 20:20:36 UTC
i think the thing i have the most trouble with is not seeing or knowing, because i am smart and i do see and know a lot of things; i just have trouble implementing all the things. i pretend that, in my infinite knoweldge, i cannot do and therefore i must teach. all talk and no action. i hope hope hope i will have the guts to live my life next year instead of just talking about it. i hope i'll realize there's no reason to hope i have the guts.

i also know i cannot be saved by anyone aside from myself. i am my own saviour and no one else's. i was telling my asked-for stranger that it's the same horse to water thing as with saving someone. i'm just a cynical idealist is all. i want to be saved by someone else though i know it's not possible.

how should i learn to love, though, to live? i'm afraid of letting myself be loved and i just want to crawl in a hole so as to isolate myself from all potential suitors.

i'm going to save all your words and i hope they'll help me take a step forward without several more back. i love you very much and thank you for everything.

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