i'm not sure if this is going to make any sense at all. but still, i want to tell you.
i never smiled when i was little either but i never stop smiling now. what i'm trying to say is just because you were one thing then doesn't mean you have to be the same thing now. i don't believe in destiny or human nature, i believe you are whoever you want to be, and if you're not happy, then change it! nothing is set in stone, afterall, stones erode just like the rest of us.
i am like you, i wish my life was like those of these people i read about, know about, hear about. but i've stopped because i've realized that i have only my life to live and not those of others. you have to think about what you can do not what others can do better than you. so you can't make a good dinner, but goddamn, you can paint and create and you can always learn how to cook. i will teach you how to stirfry tofu and make tirimisu when you come visit me this summer. when you are so concerned about silly things that you can't do, you can't see how beautiful and amazing you really are.
"the moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing."
who are you to write these things? who are you to share quotes? those are good questions. you are whoever you want to be and you can do whatever you want to do. never question that.
so, i've been rambling and it probably doesn't make any sense and goes in a completely different direction from you, but i love you more than you'll ever know, and i hope you know that, if anything.
there's a quote that goes something along the lines of 'sometimes the saddest are the ones that laugh the loudest'. i think this is me: although i'm not the saddest, i never really smiled when i was young but i laugh a whole lot now. sometimes i think i shouldn't because not everything is really as funny as i think it is, but that's not true. everything really is just funny. but i'm still sad, jessica. i don't believe in destiny or fate, either, and that's something that gets me down, too. i believe in the complete responsibility of the individual in making his or her own life choices. the fact is, i'm not making the choices i have to make to be happy. i'm CHOOSING to be sad. that's my self-pity complex: i choose to be sad and then i get sad about choosing to be sad because i have no reason to. does that make sense? i don't know how to change. i give up on a lot of things because i'm not very successful at a lot of things, and as much as i pretend, i'm not quite the egomaniac i make myself out to be.
i have so many great things going for me, and yet (the masochist i am!) choose to not be happy. i'm very very grateful for everything, but i don't choose to be happy. i don't know why that is.
i love you, too; and hearing that is all i really need sometimes. it lightens my heart and makes me smile. thank you always.
i never smiled when i was little either but i never stop smiling now. what i'm trying to say is just because you were one thing then doesn't mean you have to be the same thing now. i don't believe in destiny or human nature, i believe you are whoever you want to be, and if you're not happy, then change it! nothing is set in stone, afterall, stones erode just like the rest of us.
i am like you, i wish my life was like those of these people i read about, know about, hear about. but i've stopped because i've realized that i have only my life to live and not those of others. you have to think about what you can do not what others can do better than you. so you can't make a good dinner, but goddamn, you can paint and create and you can always learn how to cook. i will teach you how to stirfry tofu and make tirimisu when you come visit me this summer. when you are so concerned about silly things that you can't do, you can't see how beautiful and amazing you really are.
"the moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing."
who are you to write these things? who are you to share quotes? those are good questions. you are whoever you want to be and you can do whatever you want to do. never question that.
so, i've been rambling and it probably doesn't make any sense and goes in a completely different direction from you, but i love you more than you'll ever know, and i hope you know that, if anything.
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i have so many great things going for me, and yet (the masochist i am!) choose to not be happy. i'm very very grateful for everything, but i don't choose to be happy. i don't know why that is.
i love you, too; and hearing that is all i really need sometimes. it lightens my heart and makes me smile. thank you always.
Reply
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