negative positives (warning: may contain praise for my fucking amazings- my #1 dudes and dudettes)
things i never want to do in my lifetime: an antilist
1. I NEVER WANT TO: give up. on anything.
2. I NEVER WANT TO: compromise my ideals.
3. I NEVER WANT TO: stay in a job that i hate just because it pays well. unless its only until i have the degrees i need to do what i really want to do. that's a means to an end. not just and end.
4. I NEVER WANT TO: join the ever growing ranks of vapid couples (straight, gay, bi, trans all inclusive) who become enraptured with convention and/or each other and completely disregard other forms of life and living around me. if and when i find my soulmate - i give you ALL permission to slap me if i suddenly decide that nothing else matters except for him/her. (this is not a veiled dis to anyone who will read this- just a generality).
5. I NEVER WANT TO: let an obsession or addiction destroy me. (only let them bring me to where i can have an experience, feel the feelings, suffer (of course), and ache for more)... this sort of mental state is very inspiring to me and... gets my mind spinning at the optimal speed.
6. I NEVER WANT TO: have ANY friend with whom i don't feel comfortable joking and being myself.
7. I NEVER WANT TO: experience the anguish of a friend's death. please, please you guys. let me go first.
8. I NEVER WANT TO: live in the past. or let the past preclude the future. (i seem to have fallen into that line of thinking without noticing... and its taken me a fucking long time to get out).
9. I NEVER WANT TO: die in an airplane (or automobile) crash. there's no meaning in death by transport. similarly, i never want to die as a result of a drug overdose. sometimes i think about this after having taken drugs... and i think that if i died that way, it'd be a big waste. this is relative. jim morrison, perhaps, and the rest of the 27 year old crew may have infused meaning into dying of an OD. i, on the other hand, have not yet accumulated the fame typical of your average cultural martyr.
10. I NEVER WANT TO: lose touch with my amazing friends/family. manda (my fanciful little girl- ancient soul- homemade artist- world's next most influencial unknown philosopher- smarter than books- gorgeous- sensual - all around fucking ROCKSTAR doll), danny (still water runs deep), marcy (jesus/fetus loving punk rock girl- rebelling against anything and everything- good time- makeup/aesthetician extrodinaire- always ready with a one liner to top yours), sarah b (ambivalent jesus loving-born again- just trying to make it through life with an abode a la martha and a pocketful of benjamins- law school skater) sarah c (LOVE US- fucking rockstar all around- the clothes- the hair- the 19 pairs of sunglasses from building 19 and here's to stepping out of your sisters shadow years ago- my spelling bee queen), the RAW TALENT and UNTAMED HEART of my ursinus crew - dana, alicia, kate, arrie, ty, crazy john. im CONSTANTLY in awe. patrick j and lauren b (umass lowell's biggest prudes), the whole bt cs crew starring katie waterfall and scotty sullivan (the BT IDOLS) talethia (my car ride confidante), and air tran the asian sensation (still my fashion icon/baby daddy). ms. barree in barree... keep on rockin me babe. Cindy lou who (my favorite republican wet dream). MY KITTIES cass and blue. they kick the shit out of all other kitties in the world and i'll back that shit up! my mom can totally cook better than yours and loves more and gives more of herself to everyone else than ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, my nana's are more subtly sarcastic and awesome, my sisters FUNNIER and more REAL than YOURS. my cousins are more LA and SUN VALLEY than yours. the gay men (alfie squared)... HOT, with and without the drama. sylvia my latin lover (straight is just a state of mind- you can shake it) LJ SHOUTOUT... COCO, MARYANNE, CRISTINA(come back to me! or fly off to romania with me), BABYBABY, RIEUX, MINX, THE BOSTON JESSES (shut up hazlett your a bostonian now) JORDAN, RAY, "THE WHITE GIRL" (most refreshing outlook on life and untainted honesty sometimes in spite of yourself)... even. missshayna. fucking fuck dude. its weird and not at the same time but.. i still smile.
if i haven't mentioned you here its NOT because i forgot you... i just wanted to quickly and off the top of my head express the HUGE amount of PASSION i have inside for all of you, and some of the reasons why... even if i tell you every day, it will never degrade the sensation. (just don't do anything to fuck it up! haha jk). my life is ALL about learning. learning from people, from the converstaions and the random adventures i have with all of you. you are the humans and kitties in my life that make me want to seek out more just like you... you give me hope in this blind and ignorant world (capital W world- fuck bush) etc etc etc love love love.
and no, i'm not on drugs right now. in case you were wondering.
1. I NEVER WANT TO: give up. on anything.
2. I NEVER WANT TO: compromise my ideals.
3. I NEVER WANT TO: stay in a job that i hate just because it pays well. unless its only until i have the degrees i need to do what i really want to do. that's a means to an end. not just and end.
4. I NEVER WANT TO: join the ever growing ranks of vapid couples (straight, gay, bi, trans all inclusive) who become enraptured with convention and/or each other and completely disregard other forms of life and living around me. if and when i find my soulmate - i give you ALL permission to slap me if i suddenly decide that nothing else matters except for him/her. (this is not a veiled dis to anyone who will read this- just a generality).
5. I NEVER WANT TO: let an obsession or addiction destroy me. (only let them bring me to where i can have an experience, feel the feelings, suffer (of course), and ache for more)... this sort of mental state is very inspiring to me and... gets my mind spinning at the optimal speed.
6. I NEVER WANT TO: have ANY friend with whom i don't feel comfortable joking and being myself.
7. I NEVER WANT TO: experience the anguish of a friend's death. please, please you guys. let me go first.
8. I NEVER WANT TO: live in the past. or let the past preclude the future. (i seem to have fallen into that line of thinking without noticing... and its taken me a fucking long time to get out).
9. I NEVER WANT TO: die in an airplane (or automobile) crash. there's no meaning in death by transport. similarly, i never want to die as a result of a drug overdose. sometimes i think about this after having taken drugs... and i think that if i died that way, it'd be a big waste. this is relative. jim morrison, perhaps, and the rest of the 27 year old crew may have infused meaning into dying of an OD. i, on the other hand, have not yet accumulated the fame typical of your average cultural martyr.
10. I NEVER WANT TO: lose touch with my amazing friends/family. manda (my fanciful little girl- ancient soul- homemade artist- world's next most influencial unknown philosopher- smarter than books- gorgeous- sensual - all around fucking ROCKSTAR doll), danny (still water runs deep), marcy (jesus/fetus loving punk rock girl- rebelling against anything and everything- good time- makeup/aesthetician extrodinaire- always ready with a one liner to top yours), sarah b (ambivalent jesus loving-born again- just trying to make it through life with an abode a la martha and a pocketful of benjamins- law school skater) sarah c (LOVE US- fucking rockstar all around- the clothes- the hair- the 19 pairs of sunglasses from building 19 and here's to stepping out of your sisters shadow years ago- my spelling bee queen), the RAW TALENT and UNTAMED HEART of my ursinus crew - dana, alicia, kate, arrie, ty, crazy john. im CONSTANTLY in awe. patrick j and lauren b (umass lowell's biggest prudes), the whole bt cs crew starring katie waterfall and scotty sullivan (the BT IDOLS) talethia (my car ride confidante), and air tran the asian sensation (still my fashion icon/baby daddy). ms. barree in barree... keep on rockin me babe. Cindy lou who (my favorite republican wet dream). MY KITTIES cass and blue. they kick the shit out of all other kitties in the world and i'll back that shit up! my mom can totally cook better than yours and loves more and gives more of herself to everyone else than ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, my nana's are more subtly sarcastic and awesome, my sisters FUNNIER and more REAL than YOURS. my cousins are more LA and SUN VALLEY than yours. the gay men (alfie squared)... HOT, with and without the drama. sylvia my latin lover (straight is just a state of mind- you can shake it) LJ SHOUTOUT... COCO, MARYANNE, CRISTINA(come back to me! or fly off to romania with me), BABYBABY, RIEUX, MINX, THE BOSTON JESSES (shut up hazlett your a bostonian now) JORDAN, RAY, "THE WHITE GIRL" (most refreshing outlook on life and untainted honesty sometimes in spite of yourself)... even. missshayna. fucking fuck dude. its weird and not at the same time but.. i still smile.
if i haven't mentioned you here its NOT because i forgot you... i just wanted to quickly and off the top of my head express the HUGE amount of PASSION i have inside for all of you, and some of the reasons why... even if i tell you every day, it will never degrade the sensation. (just don't do anything to fuck it up! haha jk). my life is ALL about learning. learning from people, from the converstaions and the random adventures i have with all of you. you are the humans and kitties in my life that make me want to seek out more just like you... you give me hope in this blind and ignorant world (capital W world- fuck bush) etc etc etc love love love.
and no, i'm not on drugs right now. in case you were wondering.