& i looked to find a reason to believe....
so. maybe this will be the post that will have something interesting that looks into my life besides being a calendar of events over the last couple of days.
so much has been weighing on my mind...pressing down. 6th period really made me think. britney and i were talking about people's breakups in recent news. what really struck me was that she asked what people did for me when i was in that situation that helped because she wanted to help. and honestly, right then and there, i became aware of how many people love me and were so nice to me when that was going down. and then she asked the next question: "how long was it til you got over it?". that's what really hurt because i couldn't answer. all i could say was "who said i got over it?"...and i really meant it.
i hate hurting. and i know that i try to stop the pain-i've tried to fill the void with other things and people. yet none of them have worked. just an hour ago, i could have slapped myself for being stupid. i'm constantly trying to make decisions that will only benefit me in the future. but the sad thing is.. there might not the future that i'm planning for. i KNOW what i want and i KNOW what makes me happiest... but i'm willing to sacrifice all of that so that the one that i care for the most can get what he wants to make him the happiest. that's love. i love you, baby. i know you know it too because love like that never fades. it just slowly creeps into the shadows to hope for another day.
this life doesn't seem real. it seems so fragile, so unsure, so imaginary. the things and people in life become transparent, leaving only those who wish to stay. the real key in life is to find those people and cling to them because they will be the only ones in the end.
well, i have begun to ramble. i don't want to step on any toes, so i guess that's that.
adam, leeshie, steph, and everyone else.......i love you guys.
so much has been weighing on my mind...pressing down. 6th period really made me think. britney and i were talking about people's breakups in recent news. what really struck me was that she asked what people did for me when i was in that situation that helped because she wanted to help. and honestly, right then and there, i became aware of how many people love me and were so nice to me when that was going down. and then she asked the next question: "how long was it til you got over it?". that's what really hurt because i couldn't answer. all i could say was "who said i got over it?"...and i really meant it.
i hate hurting. and i know that i try to stop the pain-i've tried to fill the void with other things and people. yet none of them have worked. just an hour ago, i could have slapped myself for being stupid. i'm constantly trying to make decisions that will only benefit me in the future. but the sad thing is.. there might not the future that i'm planning for. i KNOW what i want and i KNOW what makes me happiest... but i'm willing to sacrifice all of that so that the one that i care for the most can get what he wants to make him the happiest. that's love. i love you, baby. i know you know it too because love like that never fades. it just slowly creeps into the shadows to hope for another day.
this life doesn't seem real. it seems so fragile, so unsure, so imaginary. the things and people in life become transparent, leaving only those who wish to stay. the real key in life is to find those people and cling to them because they will be the only ones in the end.
well, i have begun to ramble. i don't want to step on any toes, so i guess that's that.
adam, leeshie, steph, and everyone else.......i love you guys.