HELP
i really feel like im playing with fire latly...well no, i dont feel like i am...i def. no that i am.
im coming up on 2 years clean, and ive been hanging out with people for the past 2weeks who get high, not on heroin, but on other types of drugs, and they do them in front of me. i cant bitch at anyone but myself. i feel like im gonna get burned any day now, and i dont want to, but its just the exictment that brings me towards them people. i talked to nicole and she told me that just remeber how bad i was and how much and how far i have came. and i try n keep that in my head, that it wasnt good for me out there when i was using, i would always fail, and i no i cant get high only once. I NO THAT, but i just i dunno even no.
all my character defects are coming back...hanging out with random guys, doing stupid shit with them, and i no they could give 2 shits about me. i just like them little moments of being wanted. i got myself caught up with this one dude and now i caught feelings and i hate feeling for someone, and i dont even no what to do...i no like if i dont text or call him all day he wont even think of me.
Derreck called my house the other morning and my mom told him that i dont live there anymore...but i got the number by *69 and i stored it in my phone. ive been calling and hanging up after like the 2nd ring...i hang up bc i catch myself like WTF AM I DOING< I NO I CANT TALK TO HIM BC IF I DO IM ONLY GOING TO GET HIGH. but part of me just wants to call him and talk to him, and let him see how good i look and how well im doing. but i no it wouldnt be that easy... i dont no what to do anymore
im sure nobody prolly even reads this, but that doesnt even matter, because atleast i get all my thoughts down on this thing, and i can always go back and read them, and it seems to help me.
I really want to text this kid and ask him to hang out tonight, but i no if i do, i will be around more drugs. i dont no what to do. its like i HATE sitting at home, its so beautiful outside, and i dont no anymore....
i no the right thing to do is just get back on track with my recovery and stop surrending myself with bad things. when i put myself around good people i dont have this problem..i no what i need to do, but its just a matter of me palying with fire and seeing how long i can last untill i get burned.....
im coming up on 2 years clean, and ive been hanging out with people for the past 2weeks who get high, not on heroin, but on other types of drugs, and they do them in front of me. i cant bitch at anyone but myself. i feel like im gonna get burned any day now, and i dont want to, but its just the exictment that brings me towards them people. i talked to nicole and she told me that just remeber how bad i was and how much and how far i have came. and i try n keep that in my head, that it wasnt good for me out there when i was using, i would always fail, and i no i cant get high only once. I NO THAT, but i just i dunno even no.
all my character defects are coming back...hanging out with random guys, doing stupid shit with them, and i no they could give 2 shits about me. i just like them little moments of being wanted. i got myself caught up with this one dude and now i caught feelings and i hate feeling for someone, and i dont even no what to do...i no like if i dont text or call him all day he wont even think of me.
Derreck called my house the other morning and my mom told him that i dont live there anymore...but i got the number by *69 and i stored it in my phone. ive been calling and hanging up after like the 2nd ring...i hang up bc i catch myself like WTF AM I DOING< I NO I CANT TALK TO HIM BC IF I DO IM ONLY GOING TO GET HIGH. but part of me just wants to call him and talk to him, and let him see how good i look and how well im doing. but i no it wouldnt be that easy... i dont no what to do anymore
im sure nobody prolly even reads this, but that doesnt even matter, because atleast i get all my thoughts down on this thing, and i can always go back and read them, and it seems to help me.
I really want to text this kid and ask him to hang out tonight, but i no if i do, i will be around more drugs. i dont no what to do. its like i HATE sitting at home, its so beautiful outside, and i dont no anymore....
i no the right thing to do is just get back on track with my recovery and stop surrending myself with bad things. when i put myself around good people i dont have this problem..i no what i need to do, but its just a matter of me palying with fire and seeing how long i can last untill i get burned.....