Confessions from Newport - "You might be Venus..."

Apr 01, 2006 21:49

I swam in the ocean today. Man, am I crazy. My breathing's still a little sharp.
I love my teddy bear and I don't care where it came from. It's soft and fluffy and it keeps me warm. It's name is Aiea. -a-i-e-a-
I snuk...sneaked? out to see high tide lapping at the stairs last night. I wanted Aiea to see the ocean.
I bought a scarf for a quarter. It's navy blue and dark green plaid. It's even more of a likeness than the previous one.
I thought I was better for a good while. I did.
My mom lost half a muffin. Or maybe my dad lost it...they're in disagreement about this. Either way they lost half of a muffin that was supposed to be my breakfast and none of us have a clue as to where it is.
Mango peel is perfectly edible.
Mussels bare a shocking resemblance to vaginas. Seriously.
I spent one hour on our balcony, in the rain, watching the ocean, listening to The Postal Service, crying. Oh yeah, I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt. Can you say inadvertently EMO?
I have a special shell/rock for each and every one of you.
Running along drift-wood and sand, knowing he won't be around to hear all of my stories, I thought maybe he was the foolish one. I decided he was missing out, and that makes me sad. Very, very sad.
I don't like shopping very much.
I left my cell phone at the beach house...
I'll never forget the way his eyes used to sparkle when he saw me.
We went to a natural foods market and I took a photograph of the cheese section. "You're in the cheese section..."
I get knots in my chest whenever I see/hear the word (or color) "gray".
Sometimes the overwhelming beauty of the world is so intoxicating that it makes my stomach turn, and secretly, I love it.
I still feel like we're "meant to be" together. And yes, I know you saw this coming.
I feel very alone.
I want/need him to see the beauty that I take in and I want him to see me when I smile.
I hope he'll think of me fondly when we've said goodbye.
I'm sad, and I wish that I could write in more than words.
The only reason I talk about myself so much is because sometimes I'm the only thing I know...and even that's variable.
When I get back to school I'm going to visit our spot by the creek, just because it's spring again.
I don't feel well. And, I miss it. GOD, how I miss it.
I love him. I REALLY love him.
I love the way he told me how he saw the world and I want it back.
I miss having someone I was never second choice to, and I miss having someone who GETS me.

~Lyrics that grabbed me. They mean at least as much to me as every one of my thoughts.~

"I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped-straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change"

"I'll write you a song and i hope that you won't mind
Because all the names and places i have taken from real life
So please don't be upset at this portrait that i paint
It may be a little biased, but at least i spelt your name right..."

"I take a breath and pull the air in 'til there's nothing left
I'm feeling green like teenage lovers between the sheets

Ba ba ba ba ...

Knuckles clenched to white as the landing gear retract for flight
My head's a balloon inflating with the altitude"

"My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
As blue as oceans and as pure as skies"

"This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

...

Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time"

"To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do"

"I'm trying not to stare, it's too late
The blankets over there, if you like
I'm broken and I'm colder than hell
I should've said I'd not come back here

...

Just give a second thought
What if we don't get caught

Just say you love me now
And forget this whole row
Just save your energy
For making up with me"

"I've got this feeling that there's something that I missed
(I could do most anything to you...)
Don't you breathe
Something happened, that I never understood
You can't leave
Every second, dripping off my fingertips"

"If this is really what you think
How come you won't look me in the eye"

"Hold me in your freezing arms before we have to go
Bent a little but it's not because I know the truth
The windshield of your little car is frosted through the glass
The clear heart of air appears as we shiver on the seats

It's the same"

"Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye"

"I'm staring at the asphalt wondering what's buried underneath where I am

...

I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is where I am"
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