"You know that it's my fancy, to make it with frank and nancy.."
Some times i just wish i had a normal family..days like today, i'm glad to have mine.
This week has been the week from hell..I figured if my dad didn't lose it amanda would, or heather..Even i felt like i couldn't handle it, and i thought i could get through almost anything. It was one of those weeks i just wished my father would beat me. Call me sadistic.
And i didn't really do anything wrong..does that make me sick? I'm just really tired of all the back lash. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of worrying, and feeling bad, and protecting, and the hard work, and the scheming, and the accusing, and the lack of fuckin trust, and the bargaining and the fighting. I'm just tired of our family running the way it is. I mean, the way everything is going, my dad is gonna' have a heart attack, amanda is going to have a mental breakdown, heather is gonna' have a mental breakdown, hell, meg will probably move out with craig, and god knows what the hell i'm going to do. Move on?
im fuckin possible.
So, it's either change now, or that's it..game over.
But i don't blame myself. I don't blame heff and i don't blame amanda or meg or dad. Or even mom. I think blame is completely useless, so i just say..the following needs to change.
Everybody has got to pitch in, that means chores have to be done, Respect has to be issued, it doesn't matter if you don't care, or if you don't want to, just do it..that's what i do. our friends have to learn to respect our home, We have to follow the few freakin rules we have, or atleast try to break them less. Unless we want to be lawyers or politicians, we should try to tell the truth. We should set out a night to hang out with dad, one night, i mean c'mon. Watch some movies, make dinner or something. Get jobs. Save money. Get bank accounts even.
Yeah..that's what should happen...but i don't think it is going to happen..
And they're not such hard tasks..not when you put your mind to it. Or maybe they just seem so easy to me because i want them so bad. And god knows i'm not some bitch to rules and regulation, but some how..I really really want this. These things could turn our family from disfunctional to..just a little disfuctional..I mean, maybe even normal. It would make our house a nice place to be..We would all be more healthy physically and mentally..Our friends could come over more often. Renervations could get done faster. Chores would become easier to do. Life wouldn't be so stressful and straining. We could do more normal things. Not sneak out for social lives. Simple tasks could get done right away, not get pushed back. Dad wouldn't lose all this money. We would feel better waking up in the morning. Have real relationships and what could dad do about it? when we all do what is asked of us, what the hell can he say? when we have jobs and are making our own money, when we're three months from being legal adults, when we keep up with the house, put in to the reconstruction, prove responsibility, what the fuck can he do? Why do i feel like i'm the only one that wants this? No...Why do i feel like i'm the only one that sees that this is what we need?
This week has been the week from hell..I figured if my dad didn't lose it amanda would, or heather..Even i felt like i couldn't handle it, and i thought i could get through almost anything. It was one of those weeks i just wished my father would beat me. Call me sadistic.
And i didn't really do anything wrong..does that make me sick? I'm just really tired of all the back lash. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of worrying, and feeling bad, and protecting, and the hard work, and the scheming, and the accusing, and the lack of fuckin trust, and the bargaining and the fighting. I'm just tired of our family running the way it is. I mean, the way everything is going, my dad is gonna' have a heart attack, amanda is going to have a mental breakdown, heather is gonna' have a mental breakdown, hell, meg will probably move out with craig, and god knows what the hell i'm going to do. Move on?
im fuckin possible.
So, it's either change now, or that's it..game over.
But i don't blame myself. I don't blame heff and i don't blame amanda or meg or dad. Or even mom. I think blame is completely useless, so i just say..the following needs to change.
Everybody has got to pitch in, that means chores have to be done, Respect has to be issued, it doesn't matter if you don't care, or if you don't want to, just do it..that's what i do. our friends have to learn to respect our home, We have to follow the few freakin rules we have, or atleast try to break them less. Unless we want to be lawyers or politicians, we should try to tell the truth. We should set out a night to hang out with dad, one night, i mean c'mon. Watch some movies, make dinner or something. Get jobs. Save money. Get bank accounts even.
Yeah..that's what should happen...but i don't think it is going to happen..
And they're not such hard tasks..not when you put your mind to it. Or maybe they just seem so easy to me because i want them so bad. And god knows i'm not some bitch to rules and regulation, but some how..I really really want this. These things could turn our family from disfunctional to..just a little disfuctional..I mean, maybe even normal. It would make our house a nice place to be..We would all be more healthy physically and mentally..Our friends could come over more often. Renervations could get done faster. Chores would become easier to do. Life wouldn't be so stressful and straining. We could do more normal things. Not sneak out for social lives. Simple tasks could get done right away, not get pushed back. Dad wouldn't lose all this money. We would feel better waking up in the morning. Have real relationships and what could dad do about it? when we all do what is asked of us, what the hell can he say? when we have jobs and are making our own money, when we're three months from being legal adults, when we keep up with the house, put in to the reconstruction, prove responsibility, what the fuck can he do? Why do i feel like i'm the only one that wants this? No...Why do i feel like i'm the only one that sees that this is what we need?