Oh hi... I forgot about you
Didn't realize that twitter had stopped posting to LJ and that I'd fallen into silence on here.
so. February. Have spent... lots... of time with a certain guy out here in Tulsa that I met at.. an event. On Valentines it became officially a complicated sort of thing... Not a relationship because he doesn't want love, and pretty much if I ever find that I want that from it then we say goodbye. Yet.. more than just friends, or friends with benefits... so basically its a relationship but not calling itself one and... ah fuck it, I do my best not to stress over the details and just enjoy this while it lasts. We're both exploring interesting new things together, and enjoying our time... I'll just have to be careful to remain aware of my own feelings so that I can walk away if it threatens to reach the point he considers unacceptable.
Sadly, I've been here before, a number of times. Almost all the other times turned out to be me as the hobby, something for them to have until they found a girl they actually wanted to be with. I've played that particular game enough times that I'm getting kind of used to it, and figure why the hell not simply enjoy the good part and just be ready before the bad can hit. Maybe he'll be different, maybe not. I take responsibility for my own feelings and the consequences of walking open eyed into a situation where I know I'm eventually going to get hurt. So we'll see how long I'm okay with, and how it goes from here. So far its good, and with him I'm exploring all sorts of things I've always been curious about. But... I'll leave that there, and let your imagination wonder what those things might be :P
Things with Colin and April are overall still fantastic. Colin and I occasionally grate on each other a bit... but we're moving up to a 2 bedroom soon and I think that most of that will fade once we're not in pretty much constant contact. Also, I'm trying not to interject when they get into spats... so if I have my own room, I can just go there instead of sitting less than 3 feet away from them with no option of escape... trying and eventually failing to bite my tongue. Eventually I always think "Well maybe an outside perspective will help them see things more clearly" and end up speaking and making him mad at me. They're usually silly fights over game and such, I wouldn't step in if it were something that actually mattered... if all else fails I *can* just go for a walk or go take a shower or something. I *should* Know better than to speak up at all, I had the same problem when I was living with Sawa and Steeev... and eventually felt I needed to move out because I was making things worse by trying to help. BUT! Once we move into the 2 bedroom... I can just have my laptop in there and not be stuck in the same room with them, and keep my own peace by removing the temptation to get involved :) Far as I know, thats the only real tension with the living situation.
Job would be nice, yesterday I applied for a position at the place where April works... Tomorrow I'll call and follow up on that. The position has been empty for several weeks now, so I'm hoping for a bit of luck in that they hadn't filled it because of for some reason not getting any applicatns, not because they're being crazy picky *hooooooooope* otherwise, putting in lots of apps for places off of craigslist and whatnot type sites. All else fails, there's a QT being built down the street, if I don't have something by the time they're done maybe I can get hired there. So there are a few opportunities, I just have to hope that looking at my job/etc history doesn't convince them that I'm worthless before I can get a chance to interview and explain how badly I WANT to be able to settle in and keep a job/etc... Send me some spare luck if you've got it laying around please.
Trying to get a little writing done but while I have all these ideas spinning around in my head, when I sit to write them out? They fly away most of the time. Grrr...
Still ignoring the cam. I check my game emails a couple of times a week, but most everything gets 'mark as read'. I'm still waiting on news of ICC, hoping they'll get around to announcing it before I get a job, so I can say up front "oh there's this thing in october" otherwise I'm not planning to try very hard to get the time off. We may go to ECRE... I wanted to go to GLARE and SWRE but doubt either will happen at this point. I still need to figure out the updated milestone sheets.. and maybe spend xp on my pc's so I can have updated copies on file with my vst's... on the off chance that I decide to show up for a 4winds game sometime.
I need to figure out how to get all my W2's from the last few years that I haven't done and see about getting that taken care of... I honestly can't remember the last time I filed. Strike that, I think I filed when I was living with Dad, for the previous year... which probably means I haven't done it since 2006 or 07... I think I either lost or never got the one from BP in orlando, and I'm not sure if I ever did the one from store n more before that. Eh, will figure it out somehow. If nothing else, I know I *have* to do 09 so I'll have to at least get hold of the one from NIU somehow.
Other things, I dunno. Life continues. Things in Tulsa are alright. I've got more interesting things to do on weekends than go to game, which makes me happy. Now... I'm going to go take a hot shower... then do dishes as we had no hot water to do those things yesterday.
so. February. Have spent... lots... of time with a certain guy out here in Tulsa that I met at.. an event. On Valentines it became officially a complicated sort of thing... Not a relationship because he doesn't want love, and pretty much if I ever find that I want that from it then we say goodbye. Yet.. more than just friends, or friends with benefits... so basically its a relationship but not calling itself one and... ah fuck it, I do my best not to stress over the details and just enjoy this while it lasts. We're both exploring interesting new things together, and enjoying our time... I'll just have to be careful to remain aware of my own feelings so that I can walk away if it threatens to reach the point he considers unacceptable.
Sadly, I've been here before, a number of times. Almost all the other times turned out to be me as the hobby, something for them to have until they found a girl they actually wanted to be with. I've played that particular game enough times that I'm getting kind of used to it, and figure why the hell not simply enjoy the good part and just be ready before the bad can hit. Maybe he'll be different, maybe not. I take responsibility for my own feelings and the consequences of walking open eyed into a situation where I know I'm eventually going to get hurt. So we'll see how long I'm okay with, and how it goes from here. So far its good, and with him I'm exploring all sorts of things I've always been curious about. But... I'll leave that there, and let your imagination wonder what those things might be :P
Things with Colin and April are overall still fantastic. Colin and I occasionally grate on each other a bit... but we're moving up to a 2 bedroom soon and I think that most of that will fade once we're not in pretty much constant contact. Also, I'm trying not to interject when they get into spats... so if I have my own room, I can just go there instead of sitting less than 3 feet away from them with no option of escape... trying and eventually failing to bite my tongue. Eventually I always think "Well maybe an outside perspective will help them see things more clearly" and end up speaking and making him mad at me. They're usually silly fights over game and such, I wouldn't step in if it were something that actually mattered... if all else fails I *can* just go for a walk or go take a shower or something. I *should* Know better than to speak up at all, I had the same problem when I was living with Sawa and Steeev... and eventually felt I needed to move out because I was making things worse by trying to help. BUT! Once we move into the 2 bedroom... I can just have my laptop in there and not be stuck in the same room with them, and keep my own peace by removing the temptation to get involved :) Far as I know, thats the only real tension with the living situation.
Job would be nice, yesterday I applied for a position at the place where April works... Tomorrow I'll call and follow up on that. The position has been empty for several weeks now, so I'm hoping for a bit of luck in that they hadn't filled it because of for some reason not getting any applicatns, not because they're being crazy picky *hooooooooope* otherwise, putting in lots of apps for places off of craigslist and whatnot type sites. All else fails, there's a QT being built down the street, if I don't have something by the time they're done maybe I can get hired there. So there are a few opportunities, I just have to hope that looking at my job/etc history doesn't convince them that I'm worthless before I can get a chance to interview and explain how badly I WANT to be able to settle in and keep a job/etc... Send me some spare luck if you've got it laying around please.
Trying to get a little writing done but while I have all these ideas spinning around in my head, when I sit to write them out? They fly away most of the time. Grrr...
Still ignoring the cam. I check my game emails a couple of times a week, but most everything gets 'mark as read'. I'm still waiting on news of ICC, hoping they'll get around to announcing it before I get a job, so I can say up front "oh there's this thing in october" otherwise I'm not planning to try very hard to get the time off. We may go to ECRE... I wanted to go to GLARE and SWRE but doubt either will happen at this point. I still need to figure out the updated milestone sheets.. and maybe spend xp on my pc's so I can have updated copies on file with my vst's... on the off chance that I decide to show up for a 4winds game sometime.
I need to figure out how to get all my W2's from the last few years that I haven't done and see about getting that taken care of... I honestly can't remember the last time I filed. Strike that, I think I filed when I was living with Dad, for the previous year... which probably means I haven't done it since 2006 or 07... I think I either lost or never got the one from BP in orlando, and I'm not sure if I ever did the one from store n more before that. Eh, will figure it out somehow. If nothing else, I know I *have* to do 09 so I'll have to at least get hold of the one from NIU somehow.
Other things, I dunno. Life continues. Things in Tulsa are alright. I've got more interesting things to do on weekends than go to game, which makes me happy. Now... I'm going to go take a hot shower... then do dishes as we had no hot water to do those things yesterday.