Happiness is all in the perspective.
I guess I really am an overachiever. I'd always kind of denied it. Yes, I've been reasonably successful at most everything I've tried my hand at; and, yes, I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to some (okay, MANY) things. I just didn't realize how focused I can be on reaching my full potential and achieving my goals.
My last post put it into perspective for me upon rereading it.
Just because I don't have my dream job and oodles of money less than 6 months after graduating college doesn't mean I should be so discouraged and embarrassed about my current career/financial state. I'm not the first person to take a job they're overqualified for. I'm not the first person to make less money than they think they should. And I'm certainly not the first person to work doing something unrelated to their studies and not their "passion." Even though some people are fortunate enough to find THE job right out of school, I know I'm not the only one who didn't. At least I know what job I want and will have access to it once I gain the requisite (and in this case, unpaid) experience, however fair or unfair that may be.
Sometimes it's hard for me to look on the bright side when, as I wrote in my last entry, I feel like a failure for not living up to my potential. Going through school, I was always above average (just not as high above in college as I was in high school). I had big dreams, like so many people. While college didn't go exactly as planned, I still made it and completed the first step on my path to greatness. The second step wasn't set in stone, but it certainly didn't involve moving to Prattville and working at Target. However, my parents couldn't afford for me to sponge off them financially anymore, so an unpaid internship was out of the question, regardless of location. Dreams always take a back seat to finances.
When I really sit down and think about everything I have, rather than just sulking about what I don't have (yet), it makes me feel incredibly blessed. I'm engaged to a wonderful guy who loves me exactly as I am and who has stood by me through thick and thin. I get to go to sleep beside him every night and wake up next to him every morning. I have a job. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. It doesn't pay well, but it pays something and will provide me with medical benefits before long. When that's combined with Robert's income, we're comfortably middle class and don't have to worry about bills or spending an extra $20 here or there. I have a car that works. It may be far from new, but it gets me where I need to go and it's mine, free and clear. I have Luna, who is like my baby, and who gives me unconditional love and my "animal fix" whenever I need it. I'm not going to lie and up the sap factor exponentially by saying, "I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" If I were, I'd have several million dollars and a dream job in addition to everything else I'm thankful for. But I am pretty damn fortunate to have everything that I do have. I know plenty of people aren't so lucky.
Right now, I'm happy. However, I'm not content to remain at this point in my career. I'm still driven to succeed and achieve and go out and get that job. I just understand it will take time, and that I shouldn't be discouraged because I can't have it NOW NOW NOW. It's not that I hate my current job or my coworkers or think I'm better than any of them because of my education. I just feel like I'm better than that job. No, I KNOW that I'm better than that job. And knowing that I can do more with my life than this is what bothers me the most. It's not that I'm disappointing other people; it's that I'm disappointing myself.
Would I possibly have access to a zoology/zookeeping career immediately in another city? Perhaps. Is it worth giving up any or all of my other blessings for? Absolutely not. I'd rather have a temporarily unfulfilling career and the love of my life than my dream job and nothing else. And before too long, if things go the way I'm hoping, I won't have to choose anymore and I'll have happiness on all fronts. That's my dream and goal for the future: a fulfilling career in addition to marital bliss, not in place of. And that's a goal I know I can reach.
My last post put it into perspective for me upon rereading it.
Just because I don't have my dream job and oodles of money less than 6 months after graduating college doesn't mean I should be so discouraged and embarrassed about my current career/financial state. I'm not the first person to take a job they're overqualified for. I'm not the first person to make less money than they think they should. And I'm certainly not the first person to work doing something unrelated to their studies and not their "passion." Even though some people are fortunate enough to find THE job right out of school, I know I'm not the only one who didn't. At least I know what job I want and will have access to it once I gain the requisite (and in this case, unpaid) experience, however fair or unfair that may be.
Sometimes it's hard for me to look on the bright side when, as I wrote in my last entry, I feel like a failure for not living up to my potential. Going through school, I was always above average (just not as high above in college as I was in high school). I had big dreams, like so many people. While college didn't go exactly as planned, I still made it and completed the first step on my path to greatness. The second step wasn't set in stone, but it certainly didn't involve moving to Prattville and working at Target. However, my parents couldn't afford for me to sponge off them financially anymore, so an unpaid internship was out of the question, regardless of location. Dreams always take a back seat to finances.
When I really sit down and think about everything I have, rather than just sulking about what I don't have (yet), it makes me feel incredibly blessed. I'm engaged to a wonderful guy who loves me exactly as I am and who has stood by me through thick and thin. I get to go to sleep beside him every night and wake up next to him every morning. I have a job. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. It doesn't pay well, but it pays something and will provide me with medical benefits before long. When that's combined with Robert's income, we're comfortably middle class and don't have to worry about bills or spending an extra $20 here or there. I have a car that works. It may be far from new, but it gets me where I need to go and it's mine, free and clear. I have Luna, who is like my baby, and who gives me unconditional love and my "animal fix" whenever I need it. I'm not going to lie and up the sap factor exponentially by saying, "I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" If I were, I'd have several million dollars and a dream job in addition to everything else I'm thankful for. But I am pretty damn fortunate to have everything that I do have. I know plenty of people aren't so lucky.
Right now, I'm happy. However, I'm not content to remain at this point in my career. I'm still driven to succeed and achieve and go out and get that job. I just understand it will take time, and that I shouldn't be discouraged because I can't have it NOW NOW NOW. It's not that I hate my current job or my coworkers or think I'm better than any of them because of my education. I just feel like I'm better than that job. No, I KNOW that I'm better than that job. And knowing that I can do more with my life than this is what bothers me the most. It's not that I'm disappointing other people; it's that I'm disappointing myself.
Would I possibly have access to a zoology/zookeeping career immediately in another city? Perhaps. Is it worth giving up any or all of my other blessings for? Absolutely not. I'd rather have a temporarily unfulfilling career and the love of my life than my dream job and nothing else. And before too long, if things go the way I'm hoping, I won't have to choose anymore and I'll have happiness on all fronts. That's my dream and goal for the future: a fulfilling career in addition to marital bliss, not in place of. And that's a goal I know I can reach.