I am a Christian.
I'm sure I don't say this enough or show it in my words and actions the way I should but there it is. I am a Christian. I've not been really practicing for months, though I still talk to God. I've been thinking about my faith more and more; as Easter approaches, I can't help wonder where I am going to worship.
I am ashamed to say that I am often reluctant to state my faith because just as someone fears to be judged, I fear someone will think I am judging them. Yes, I look at the world through the eyes of my faith. Yes, I do not agree with everything that all my friends believe. But I know that does not make them or anyone else bad people.
I wish I felt that I had the freedom to express my point of view without people calling me close-minded or old fashioned. Just because the foundation of my beliefs began thousands of years ago when Christ died on the cross does not mean that they are out-of-date. Religion has no season, no matter what faith you follow. If that's what you truly believe, then it should never grow old or stale. My God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
I am more saddened to see the world fall away from the values that the majority of nations used to follow. I know millions of wrongs have been done in the name of God, but humans are not perfect and do not always hear God as He wants us to. Look at me. I sin all the time. I don't ever have the intention but I am weak and give in to what I know is wrong. They may not look like sins to other people I know, but I can't help but question and wonder.
Some of the things that plague me deeply are the choices others might deem harmless. Do I read the right things? Should I read all these books that have nothing to do with God? Should I write non-Christian fiction? Is there a harm in enjoying the magical imaginings of the world and myself when God says to cast all these things away?
I don't expect you to answer. This is my own inner battle. One that I have ignored and struggled with since I was a teenager. And this is just one thing. I have others but I don't think blog entries can even be that long...
But the important thing for me right now is that my friends know I'm Christian and that I try to live my life that way. I guess you can take that to mean whatever you want. Some may see me differently; others may not think I've changed. Some of you may even treat me differently. I know I have some friends who ignore my faith and others who respect it, even if they aren't like-minded.
Please know that I would not have you friended on my blog if I did not respect you. I am still learning and growing as a person and Christian. What I find in all of your friendships helps with that. The bravery, the laughter, the tears, the struggles... I've walked with you through some of yours and you through some of mine. I don't know what I would have done without my friends (online and off) while I was laid-off.
So thank you for your support. I pray that this does not change how you see me. I pray more that you see my inconsistancies and know that I see them too and am working on changing them.
God bless you.
Missy