1 is the loneliest number...
Hey. So Josh was here for his first day off. It was really nice to see him I missed him so much. And in case anyone knows about the "situation" we descided against the open relationship for summer, unless were playing some stupid game or something. anyway alots been going on in my head latly. most of you will stop reading half way through.. thats ok i guess i'm writing this entry for me. so here it goes.
moving is really freaking me out. I feel like when I start my new school , i'm going to be all alone. and everyone will hate me and i will be miserable and mess things up. It's like every fiber in my body is pulling me different directions but in my heart, i know its time to start something new, and i have to listen to that i guess. but i am alot sadder about it than i thought i would be. I know i'm only moving like 20 minutes away and people say its nothing. but starting a whole new school junior year isn't exactly the easiest thing to do.. and honestly... i'm scared shitless.
i feel really alone lately. i know i guess i shouldn't but i do. Marni has a new boyfriend. his names Brandon, and hes really great shes SO happy and thats great i'm so happy for her. slightly jelous that her boyfriends home and mine is gone but hey at least i can admit that. and like she got her wisdom teeth out so she can't really do anything right now cause shes in a lot of pain but i dunno i feel like everytime .. or alot of the time i try making plans with her shes with him now. thats great because I want her to be as happy as humanly possible because shes my bestfriend but, i miss her. it might be in my imagination but.. its something i'm guna have to get used to i guess. sammi is really busy with work , and cheer, and alot of other stuff she has alot going on to with freinds and things so she has been around quit frequently but the last few days has fell below rader lol , i hope she will be back soon. I have been with olga and maya alot latly. mostly olga, shes so much fun i love her... its too bad that it took me this long to see how well we get along.
Basicly i just feel totaly and completly alone. I cry all the time cause josh is gone and I know that makes me sound like a totaly completly obsessive retart but for the last 9 months he has been a major part of my life. and now, I don't know what to do without him. I thought i managed my time really well between him, and my freinds and I know I do, but Josh is also one of my bestfreinds and he fills a part of my heart that unfrotunetly, no matter what my freinds do cannot fill. i just wish he was home with me cause i need him. It isnt his fault , well acutaly it is cause hes gone but im scared cause this is the saddest i have felt in over a year.
My bubbies unvailing is in two weeks, i can't belive it has been 6 months already.. i really miss her alot. thank god josh is comming home for it so he will be there with me I dont want to upset my safta, i might need him to keep me level headed.
basicly im just an emotional wreck right now, summer has sucked, josh is gone, california is way to far away and i hope it gets better.. soon. but it seems like im the one that is going to have to make it that way. great and i'm crying and i already washed my face.. fantastic.
i know all of you probably stoped reading by now... but i'm guna leave u with part of the song i keep playing over and over..
hope everyone is well and doing better than I am goodnight <3
"And everytime I think of you and I remember all the goodtimes that we've had And everytime, I sing this tune, and i will laugh i will cry i will close my eyes cause i know that it wont be long, till we wing we will rise, we will laugh away the night, and the goodtimes will never end, when we meet again. And i'm guna be someone lonely , cause you know no one could ever fill your shoes. as i am sharp and tired you have taught me how to be a stronger man and i look forward to the day i learn again , we will sing we will rise we will laugh away the ngiht, and i know that it wont be long, till we meet again though i wish that i were with u now i know theres a reason for space and i can dream of memories your writing down i look forward to the day.. the smile on your face. we will sing we will rise we might cry and we might fight, and the good times will never end, we laugh will relax will reflect on the years we;ve past, and I know that it wont be long.. Until We meet again.. And everytime, I think of you.." - :(