Coming to This, part 2
Title: Coming to This
Author: mel_datsme
Pairing: Lucy/Kasia
Rating: T
Summary: Lucy contemplating their long-distance relationship
Word Count: 3,433
Disclaimer: This is a Real Person Fiction (RPF). All events in this story are fictional and should not be taken as fact. I don’t own Hand aufs Herz, Sturm der Liebe or any of the characters; this is a work of fiction. If any of the below happened or happen in real life, it’s God’s doing, not mine.
Authors Note: This was somewhat difficult to write not only because of the story but because RL has a tendency to awesomely sideline writing in favor of other priorities. In spite of the huge gap in time between the parts, I hope you enjoy it. If you do, i'd like to know -- currently contemplating continuing this because life does go on. Thanks to hollie_1201 for beta/proofing my work and for giving me healthful feedback, as always.
~~~~ o ~~~~
Beep... beep... beep... beep...
The incessant, rhythmic sound drew Lucy out of a quiet slumber. “Uhhhnnggghh,” she moaned as she reached for her alarm clock, no, her phone; well, they were one and the same.
“Is it that time already?” she asked aloud as she fumbled with the keypad on her phone to shut the beeping off. She forced herself to sit up lest she fall back asleep since she knew she had to be at the set early this morning. As consciousness set in, she gasped and snatched up her phone from the bedside table quickly and checked for any communication from Kasia. ‘There it is!’ Lucy’s eyes went wide. She mouthed Kasia’s text message as she read, ‘Omg 1st day, so much, sorry so late. I have much to tell you & will asap. Ttyl. Love U. xxx.’
She could feel the stretch of her smile from ear to ear and her cheeks pushing her eyes into a happy squint. ‘Her text came in at 1:30 am, I was sleeping already and she knew that so she didn’t call. She must’ve had a very full and exhausting day and yet, still thoughtful of me.’ Lucy felt so light and free. “Let’s go!” she exclaimed, hopped off the bed and got ready for work.
---
Midway through the day, while Lucy was on break eating lunch, she checked her phone again. Nothing from Kasia. Her heart sank a little, but not a lot because the rest of the day was to be had. She was still feeling pretty high since receiving Kasia’s text message. ‘Ahh,’ she sighed inaudibly to herself, ‘I don’t know what made me think of reducing our relationship to ‘just friends’. I’m just trying to protect myself or something, protect myself from my own feelings. Oh lucy, why can’t you be a little more…’ She failed to find the word for how she wanted to be, even in her thoughts.
“BOO!”
The sudden exclamation nearly knocked Lucy off of her seat.
“Hey, conscious now? So lost in thought, I had to do something to bring you back from wherever it was you had gone. You’re going to start again in a few minutes, you know…” The familiar voice trailed off as the person examined her at close range.
“Oh Lili, hey!” Lucy said, finally coming to life. “You nearly jolted me out of my seat with your ‘Boo’, you kook.”
“I had to do something otherwise you’d be lost to us forever!” Lili laughed lightheartedly and Lucy joined in. “I’m back in town for a few days before I have to leave again for filming so I’m going to take you out to dinner tonight, that’s final and no argument from you.”
Lucy had started to say something about her nightly telephone dates with Kasia but remembered Kasia was somewhat indisposed so she gave Lili a staunch, “yes ma’am!” with a salute and laughed. She felt good; she couldn’t remember when she last felt this good.
Lili rattled off the details of the plans she had made for them for tonight then left Lucy to the rest of her workday.
---
They were sitting in a restaurant, a local favorite, consuming pasta and wine and talking about the time that had passed since their last get-together.
“Lucy, we’re talking about work and only about work. Why is that?” asked Lili, her head tilted to one side.
“I don’t know, were we?” Lucy replied innocently.
“Lucy, you are closer than a sister to me and I know you; you haven’t said one word about Kasia all night long. C’mon, Lucy, it’s me, Lili, let me in,” Lili pleaded with her eyes set into Lucy’s.
Lucy sat quietly with Lili’s words then averted her eyes. Lili didn’t push, knowing how sensitive and thoughtful Lucy is; she waited patiently. After what seemed like forever, Lucy recaptured Lili’s pleading gaze, “I told you Kasia’s in Hamburg, right? Job hunting and all and she’s staying with Dennis who’s also helping her with some work leads.”
“Mhm, go on,” Lili nodded.
“I’ve been wondering if we should break up and just become friends,” Lucy said casually while looking across the restaurant, into the distance.
“What? What’s causing you to think this way? Are you jealous?” Lili paused, “…jealous of Dennis?”
Lucy became deftly serious, pursed her lips, and looked directly into Lili’s eyes, “I don’t like how I feel when we’re separated.”
“Oh c’mon, Lucy, you sound almost angry and no, no you can’t be ‘just friends’ with Kasia, she’s the love of your life, for Christ’s sake!” Lili reached out across the table and took Lucy’s hand, hoping it would ground her and clear this foolish idea from her mind.
Lucy looked down at Lili’s hand as she gave her hand a squeeze and ran her thumb across her fingers. She shook her head, “No, no I’m not jealous of Dennis. In fact, you’re right, I am angry - at myself - for feeling this way. I don’t know how to explain it and I didn’t feel like this when we were living together in Berlin and either she or I would have to make a short trip without the other for work, family, whatever. The separation was never this long and it hadn’t been until this Christmas, when we were handed this ridiculous production schedule.”
“What ridiculous production schedule? I thought you were going back to Berlin every other weekend?”
“Well, the people who do the production schedule, you’re familiar with them, right? Well they somehow determined that we were behind schedule in order for me to complete all the episodes I’m supposed to be in by the end of my contract in May so they compressed the schedule, which means we shoot every day in December up til the first day of the New Year. Every day means weekends too, so no going back to Berlin for me in December, no Christmas with Kasia, no New Year’s Eve with Kasia.”
Lucy let out an exasperated puff of air, blowing her bangs up while rolling her eyes. She let go of Lili’s hand and slapped both of hers down into her lap. “It pretty much sucks and I’m pissed off about it,” she continued, “but the thing is, I thought I could handle the extended separation but I can’t. I think being together only two days every other week was keeping me intact but barely. Now this. It’s the last straw, you know, the one that broke the camel’s back? It’s breaking mine. Kasia seems to be fine with it and she’s very supportive of me, telling me to ‘hang in there’, ‘your contract will soon be up, enjoy it’, ‘we’ll be back together in another couple of months, no worries’ and on and on and now she’s job hunting in Hamburg and I’m angry because I can’t go there to support her, and she can’t come here to just be with me. Either way, we’re separated and I don’t like that I feel so frustrated that I can’t see her, touch her, sit and talk with her or just sit with her at the end of the day and it makes me feel like we’re not together. I hate feeling this way and I can’t seem to shake it.”
Lucy reached for her glass and polished off the half-glass of wine which was remaining.
“Lucy, didn’t you just come back from Berlin a few days ago?”
“Actually I’m embarrassed to say but I just got back two days ago,” Lucy eked out with a sheepish smile.
“And you’re all messed up like this? …thinking of breaking things off with Kasia, being angry at yourself… what’s gotten into you?” Lili asked with great concern, her forehead scrunched into a frown.
“I know, I know!” Lucy said sternly, throwing both hands up in the air and rolling her eyes, “But like I said, I think it’s been building up, since October or so. I think I’m frustrated at the anticipation of all that’s going to happen, or rather, not happen in December and I don’t know why.”
“Okay, Lucy, you’re just being a big baby, you’ve never reacted like this before. Maybe it’s just the holiday season? You might be making too much of not being able to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve with Kasia… I mean, I know how much you love her and love being with her.” Lili tried to reason with Lucy but it seemed to be a wasted effort. “You’re still in touch with Kasia on a daily basis, right? Just like the two weeks you were separated before this past weekend. Something else is going on with you, Lucy, spill it,” Lili demanded and took Lucy’s hand once more, almost so that she wouldn’t be able to run away.
“I feel like she doesn’t need me as much as I need her, that she doesn’t love me as much as I love her and it could be because she’s in Hamburg seeking job opportunities and I’m not the one to support her there because I can’t be there, I have to be here and she can’t come here and be with me during this production crunch because she’s job hunting and she’s happy about it! She’s so excited! And she told me she’d be busy and that she’d contact me at the end of the day and not to hound her and, and… and I just feel like I’ve dropped out of first place.”
With that, Lili felt Lucy’s grip on her hand loosen.
Lili sat back for a second then returned to her forward lean, into Lucy. “Since when did you become so insecure about your relationship with Kasia? You’re acting like such an egomaniac too!” Lili laughed, much to Lucy’s chagrin. “Lucy, snap out of it, whatever ‘it’ is, this mood you’re in. Maybe you’re just stressed due to it being the holiday season and all and you don’t seem to be getting your way.”
“You might be right, Lili, and I do want to stop feeling this way; I want peace of mind and heart and that’s why I thought of breaking up with Kasia. As ‘just friends’,” Lucy motioned double-quotes with her fingers in the air, “I wouldn’t harbor these expectations of being number one all the time, the ONLY one. You know what I mean?”
“Lucy, even if you break up with Kasia, do you think your feelings will change? Even if you’re not officially in a relationship with her… and do you think her feelings toward you will change?”
Lucy jumped in before Lili could say more, “She’ll probably hate me for breaking up with her, that’s how I think her feelings will change. It’s not that I want that to happen but…”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Lili cut her off, “You’re thinking you can just be friends with Kasia? Let me open your eyes for you, you stubborn woman!”
Lili reached toward Lucy and pulled her by her neck into a well-acted, passionate kiss planted firmly, her lips to Lucy’s. Lucy bucked her head down to break the kiss then came back at Lili with, “What the hell are you doing?!”
“You see? How do you feel, Lucy? Do you feel any passion for me?” Lili asked intently.
“No, I don’t understand… why did you kiss me?”
“Lucy, you and I, we’re ‘just friends’; do you think you could ever feel that way toward Kasia?” Lili paused and when there was no response, she sympathetically said, “I didn’t think so.”
Lucy sat stunned, soaking in Lili’s demonstration, searching her feelings and wanting Kasia more than ever.
“Lucy, I’m taking you home. You need time to think and re-think where you’re at. I don’t know when it was when you became such a whiny, self-torturing wimp in a relationship. Kasia, she does something to you.” Lili got up from the table and offered Lucy her hand. Taking it, they walked out of the restaurant, Lili leading with Lucy in tow but a thousand miles away, lost in thought.
---
Lucy’s phone beeped just when she got in the front door; it was Kasia, she’d texted. “Are u sleeping? Can I call u now? Waiting 4 ur answer. XXX”
The beep jarred Lucy out of her stupor and once she bolted the front door, she rummaged around in her bag and withdrew her phone. ‘Who’d be texting me at this hour?’ She looked at the time on her phone, 10:30 PM, and flipped it open to check the text message.
“Oh my God!” she said aloud, “Of course you can call me!” She fumbled with the phone excitedly trying to text a simple ‘YES’ to Kasia. Done! She let out a sigh of relief, put her handbag on the kitchen table, put a kettle on for tea, and sat down to wait for Kasia to call.
She let it ring a couple of times just so that she wouldn’t appear too anxious.
“Hello, Kasia?” she answered in a relaxed tone, so she thought.
“Lucy! I love you! Just wanted to get that out right away and your acting didn’t fool me when you answered the phone; I know you’ve been waiting to hear my voice since I left for Hamburg.” Kasia laughed heartily.
“Oh shush, you! So much confidence, eh? I love you too and I miss you and hearing your voice daily,” Lucy said through her smile. “So tell me, tell me all about… whatever!”
“Well,” Kasia began, “First off, please just let me talk - I don’t want to miss anything that I wanted to tell you since it’s late and I know you should be in bed now or soon.”
Lucy started to talk but the clatter of the kettle drowned her out. She got up and turned down the heat, still intending to have some tea before bedtime. “Okay, Kasia, go ahead.”
“I’ll be in Hamburg until the end of December, just like you, so I called Kim and asked her to check in on our place every two or three days; she’s fine with that and will let either of us know if there is anything out of the ordinary.”
Lucy inhaled sharply as if to say something but stopped herself and waited instead for Kasia to continue.
“I got a position doing theater support with the group that does live show management at the theater where the show that Dennis is currently in is performing. The thing is, they don’t just do live show management in Hamburg, they do it everywhere! But I am in training now, learning the ropes, many different aspects of theater support which, by the way, is the staff who are there from the management group during the live performance.”
Lucy could hear the excitement in Kasia’s voice. She felt herself being extra-attentive, not wanting to miss anything, and was actively smiling and nodding along as Kasia spoke.
“Anyway, the theater support crew takes care of all of the things that we don’t usually give a second thought about, from making marks on the stage for people and props placement to providing refreshments and other amenities in the dressing rooms and backstage, off-stage. We have to know the show we’re working on like the back of our hands - the timing, who goes on or off and when, how and when the stage appearance needs to change, meaning the scenery, props, and lighting. We also have to place the musicians, which is probably the easiest task since you just set them and forget them,” Kasia chuckled, “But then we have to know the music too, from start to finish. We’re on the other side of the coin of the performance… it’s both exhilarating and challenging without all the nerves of performing though I do get nervous about making sure things go right when the show is on.”
“May I speak yet?” Lucy asked, tentatively.
“Not yet, I have more to say,” Kasia chuckled at telling Lucy ‘no’. “Lucy, this theater management group provides the theater support portion to any kind of live performance, from a small cabaret to a huge, outdoor venue, from a rock concert to a stage musical or drama. Do you realize what this means?”
Lucy hesitated for a second then said, “I’m not sure where you’re headed…”
“Lucy, if you return to the stage after you’re finished with Sturm der Liebe, we could end up working in the same theater! You, on stage, and me, behind the scenes! We’ll be together, in the same city, in the same place, we won’t be separated because of work. Do you see?” Kasia was bursting with excitement.
“Umm, uh, uh… Kasia? Really?” Lucy stuttered, somewhat speechless.
“Really! Yes!” Kasia responded quickly, “So I complete my training here in Hamburg, and let me tell you, there are so many live stage shows being held because of the Christmas season so there’s plenty of practice for me, then I return to Berlin in January to join the crew there since I live there. But it’s a very flexible job so if you were to go to Stuttgart after Sturm der Liebe is finished, I can easily transfer there. Isn’t that great?”
“That’s wonderful!” Lucy replied, then asked, “But what about München? Any chance of you coming here after you return to Berlin?”
“There doesn’t seem to be that many live stage shows going on in München right now, not any that this company is supporting so while it’s not completely out of the picture, it’s not a strong possibility either. And face it, when you return to the stage, you definitely won’t be on stage in München, you’ll probably end up in Stuttgart, Berlin, or Hamburg. You’ll just have to exercise a bit more patience between now and the end of your contract,” Kasia said confidently.
“And you’ll stay with Dennis until the end of December?”
“Yup and since I’m getting paid full rate even though I’m in training, I got him to agree to letting me contribute something to his household for the month. I think it’s only fair… did you have some concerns?” Kasia asked, “Oh no, don’t tell me you’re jealous, are you? Please tell me you’re not, Luce.”
“No - of Dennis? No, not at all,” Lucy laughed, “I’m relieved, actually, and happy that you got something but kind of sad that you won’t be performing.”
“Lucy, thanks for saying that, I figure that if I’m not performing, this is the next best thing because I’ll always be ‘that close’ to performing, know what I mean? And a majority of the performances are at night so if there are auditions for TV or other, I can go to them during the day; it’ll all work out, you’ll see,” Kasia rattled off in a very reassuring tone.
“I see you’ve thought a lot of things through,” said Lucy, “So when you’re back in Berlin in January, I’m assuming I’m going to resume my every-other-weekend homecomings? I hope you thought that one through too.”
“Of course! I can’t wait to see you again, Lucy, although it’s only been two or three days since I last saw you in the flesh, literally.” Kasia laughed out loud at her own insinuation. “This may sound foolish but even though I was so busy running around here, interviewing, getting setup, getting into that position, I was actually feeling a little distanced by my anticipation of not seeing you face-to-face for a month, not until next year! I won’t be spending Christmas or New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day at home and more importantly I won’t be spending the holidays with you. But I think it didn’t hit home with me until I realized I wouldn’t be at home at all until next year, and then I started to really miss you. Silly, aren’t I?”
Lucy swallowed hard hearing Kasia’s earnest confession. She was suddenly embarrassed by her own thoughts and actions and that she was too much of a coward to share them with Kasia.
“No, Kasia, not at all, you’re not silly at all. Now I’m embarrassed to admit I had similar thoughts but in a more selfish way, you know how I get sometimes…” Lucy’s words trailed off as she tried to inhale the embarrassment. Her face actually flushed as the thoughts about suggesting she and Kasia become ‘just friends’ and Lili’s startling kiss came flooding back into her mind. ‘That will be shared another day,’ she thought to herself, ‘when we are together again, face-to-face.’