(no subject)
Carter William is grounded as soon as he's born. He's been giving me indigestion and kicking me something fierce. He needs to learn not to hit girls. One more trimester left. 3 weeks in New Jersey left. Don't get me wrong i would love nothing more then to stay...if i could. NO doctor will see me here. I cant get any state help because i live with my dad and boyfriend..and don't pay rent and work...and was born in america. I keep telling myself my live will be better...and who knows maybe it will be. I wanna get everyones addresses so i can send letters to the people who haven't shunned me. Plus once the little boy is born i gotta send those annoncement cards. Dan's mom is already taking care of me from afar. I mean my mom has gotten so much better...plus o forgive her..i realized it ws childish to hold onto rage for so long. duhhhhhh. but it's like i don't know. here's a woman i never met..having her eighteen year old son's kid...and has invited me to live there...find me work..help us with money...find me healthcare a doctor...everything..and i can't even tell you her eye color. and she's so excited. My mom is moving back west so is my nana. granted it's not my father but he's been slowly deteriorating i'm afraid to say. I talked to him about moving weeks ago...and he doesn't remember. he can't remember when he tells me three and four times a night the same story. he hasn't made an attempt to make this house safe or clean out what was susposed to be the babies room. wait...baby's room SLASH his extra stuff..i think not..i was going to get enough room to put a crib against the wall and enough for my fat ass to stand infront of it. it just seems he really really doesn't want me to have this baby here. at all. his actions and his words say it. i want to be healthy i want the baby to be healthy. i look at it as i would be leaving around now anyway IF things went to plan..ie college. so i mean...i gotta leave him soon. i can't babysit him and my son. he's grown. he needs to know that he's heading for a bad area. but won't listen.
you can't help someone if they wont help themselves....even if you love then with every ounce of your being. I'm sorry daddy but i need to go.
im still very bummed but i really can't be...the baby can hear me. Come on who wants to hear their mom blubber like an idiot everyday.
you can't help someone if they wont help themselves....even if you love then with every ounce of your being. I'm sorry daddy but i need to go.
im still very bummed but i really can't be...the baby can hear me. Come on who wants to hear their mom blubber like an idiot everyday.