im a horrible person
I sit back and look at how my life is going, and I cant say that I'm proud of it. I always use the "if my dad was here things would be different." But would they be. Was I born a horrible person. Its been almost a year since I last went to his grave. And I work 5 minutes away from it. I promised him that I would visit him as much as possible. And sadly I broke that promise to him. What have I done that he could be so proud of me for? Absolutely nothing. I'm not in school anymore, I just found out like 5 minutes ago that I was messing around with a married man, oh I am messing around with a guy that has a girlfriend, I drink every weekend, smoke pot, smoke cigs, and on top of that I'm not the person he would have wanted me to turn out to be. And the sad thing is as I sit here and write this, I had to text him because something about him makes me feel better. Even though it shouldnt there is just something there that justs makes me feel like everything will be alright in the end. But yet again he isnt answering it probably because he is around her. I just want him for my own, I dont want to share him anymore. I cant deal with it. Tomorrow my grandfather would be dead for 9 years and then tuesday is my dads birthday. I think I am gonna go to the cemetary. I think i need to. I should have gone when I came back from school on the weekends but im a horrible daughter. ugh but i am done babbling on about how im a horrible person and how i want someone that i cant have so i am just gonna go pass out and call it a night