Ms. Invisibility
Do you ever feel like you're being ignored? I imagine it's a pretty common feeling that everyone feels at least every once in a while. "No one calls me...I have no friends." "No one e-mails me...I have no friends." "No one talks to me...I have no friends." "No one cares about me...I have no friends." The sad part is, there are very few people in your life (unless you're extremely lucky) who care enough to not only notice the funk you are in, but who try to lift you out of it and in effect prove you wrong about your whole philosophy of the moment.
I try my best to be that kind of a friend, but sometimes I wonder why I even bother. "No one calls me...no one e-mails me...no one talks to me...no one cares about me..." If no one cared, would I not be listening? Would I not be there for you to bitch about life to me? Would I not be there to talk to you? And if I'm there for you to talk to, why should you worry about someone calling or e-mailing you?
And no, I'm not any better than that. I go through those funks, too, more than my fair share, just like everybody else. But I also firmly believe that in order to have a friend, you have to be one.
But again, I have to wonder if it's enough. And just the fact that I'm thinking that thought makes me wonder why I even try.
Sometimes I don't think anyone wants me to be around to try to be their friend when they need one. It's like all they want is someone to be there so they can vent. But when is it my turn to vent? When is it my turn to have you be there for me?
It all boils down to this: What is a friend? I know I've tried my hardest to be one. And I've tried my hardest to keep the ones I have. Now answer me this: What am I doing wrong? Do I not try hard enough? Do I try too hard? Is my presence just that repugnant? What can I do differently to make you want to be my friend? And I don't mean we're on each other's "Top 8" on MySpace, or we say hi when we pass each other on the street. I mean a genuine friend. Someone I can call anytime day or night, whenever something's bothering me or I just need to talk. Someone I can go hang out with anytime without plans, just because I need to get out. Someone I can call on the spur of the moment, and say, "Hey, Russ is playing football with his buddies this afternoon, I don't want to be bored sitting around by myself, how about we go get a drink or go to a movie or something?" and who'll actually say yes. Someone who will call me when they want to do something and invite me to go with them.
Someone who won't ignore me every time they see me. Someone who will come and talk to me because they want to talk to me and not someone else. Someone who will invite me out because they want my company and not just because I happen to be there while they're inviting someone else and they don't want me to feel left out.
Heh, and someone who'll actually read this blog. That might help.
I miss Spaz.
I try my best to be that kind of a friend, but sometimes I wonder why I even bother. "No one calls me...no one e-mails me...no one talks to me...no one cares about me..." If no one cared, would I not be listening? Would I not be there for you to bitch about life to me? Would I not be there to talk to you? And if I'm there for you to talk to, why should you worry about someone calling or e-mailing you?
And no, I'm not any better than that. I go through those funks, too, more than my fair share, just like everybody else. But I also firmly believe that in order to have a friend, you have to be one.
But again, I have to wonder if it's enough. And just the fact that I'm thinking that thought makes me wonder why I even try.
Sometimes I don't think anyone wants me to be around to try to be their friend when they need one. It's like all they want is someone to be there so they can vent. But when is it my turn to vent? When is it my turn to have you be there for me?
It all boils down to this: What is a friend? I know I've tried my hardest to be one. And I've tried my hardest to keep the ones I have. Now answer me this: What am I doing wrong? Do I not try hard enough? Do I try too hard? Is my presence just that repugnant? What can I do differently to make you want to be my friend? And I don't mean we're on each other's "Top 8" on MySpace, or we say hi when we pass each other on the street. I mean a genuine friend. Someone I can call anytime day or night, whenever something's bothering me or I just need to talk. Someone I can go hang out with anytime without plans, just because I need to get out. Someone I can call on the spur of the moment, and say, "Hey, Russ is playing football with his buddies this afternoon, I don't want to be bored sitting around by myself, how about we go get a drink or go to a movie or something?" and who'll actually say yes. Someone who will call me when they want to do something and invite me to go with them.
Someone who won't ignore me every time they see me. Someone who will come and talk to me because they want to talk to me and not someone else. Someone who will invite me out because they want my company and not just because I happen to be there while they're inviting someone else and they don't want me to feel left out.
Heh, and someone who'll actually read this blog. That might help.
I miss Spaz.