(no subject)
bonjourno mes amis
i saw my grandpa last night... he's on his deathbed... i've never seen a deathbed before. his is a recliner. it's not very nice besides that. he made the screw loose sign when he saw me and his eyes were all foggy and pale blue from the morphine. my grandfather takes heroin. i'm not sure where I stand on that, but the minute he drank the juice it was in this huge relaxed smile spread over his face.. i guess it's worth it then. why not?
i'm sticking with ice cream
so the thing I hate the most about relationships is being at the mercy of what you think the other person feels about you.
in this case it's like.. strange.. we can talk about nothing( our roommates), or something, "so.. ummm, this is pretty good" or not talk... and do whatever... but then there's always this feeling like we both or just him or sometimes just me, aren't saying something.. like we're constantly leaving something important out.
i don't know what it is that he's leaving out... but i'm pretty sure I know some of the things that I'm not saying.. and all this stuff is on that list I guess.
anyway. you know.. sometimes when he looks at me a certain way I just feel ugly and naked and it takes like five minutes for the feeling to go away. usually I hit his baseball cap down to break the eye contact.
why eye contact still? i'm supposed to be cured. i'm not cured.
fuck.
i saw my grandpa last night... he's on his deathbed... i've never seen a deathbed before. his is a recliner. it's not very nice besides that. he made the screw loose sign when he saw me and his eyes were all foggy and pale blue from the morphine. my grandfather takes heroin. i'm not sure where I stand on that, but the minute he drank the juice it was in this huge relaxed smile spread over his face.. i guess it's worth it then. why not?
i'm sticking with ice cream
so the thing I hate the most about relationships is being at the mercy of what you think the other person feels about you.
in this case it's like.. strange.. we can talk about nothing( our roommates), or something, "so.. ummm, this is pretty good" or not talk... and do whatever... but then there's always this feeling like we both or just him or sometimes just me, aren't saying something.. like we're constantly leaving something important out.
i don't know what it is that he's leaving out... but i'm pretty sure I know some of the things that I'm not saying.. and all this stuff is on that list I guess.
anyway. you know.. sometimes when he looks at me a certain way I just feel ugly and naked and it takes like five minutes for the feeling to go away. usually I hit his baseball cap down to break the eye contact.
why eye contact still? i'm supposed to be cured. i'm not cured.
fuck.