A Brief Discussion of Middle-aged Anhedonia
An excerpt from a chat of me and three friends…
D: I am really not good at distracting myself. Games, YouTube videos, movies, TV, I’ve got 100 books I should be reading.
Me: Yeah, it would be best to get back to basics, and resume book reading.
D: I miss the capacity to get involved in fantasy, to get swept up in entertainment like when I was younger. I am afraid journalism has been bad for my imagination.
Me: Yep, it's harder for me, also.
D: Or it’s just a natural function of age. Maybe our brains become more reality oriented as we get older, for the good of the tribe.
Me: Could be, also I have become more discerning over the years, and so have less patience when books and movies aren't up to snuff; it's harder for me to overlook flaws/shortcomings. And also I often have the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I should be doing something more productive, and I am wasting precious time.
D: Absolutely.
P: I used to be able to lose an entire day or night without guilt in a video game. I mean, I still do but now i feel guilty and trashy when I do it.
Me: Yeah, it's like eating candy. You could eat a ton all day when you were a kid, but now you eat more than a couple pieces and you feel exactly like that.
P: Yeah, exactly. I’ve worn out my capacity for simple joy and pleasure and now all I have is getting mad at people.
Me: Fortunately I still possess that, but now it is elicited by other things, like nature-type stuff: trees and plants, birds, clouds, the play of sunlight over the landscape, etc. I have decided that next year I am going to build a meditation platform behind my barn, like a balcony accessed from the loft. I will have some wind chimes, listen to the rustling of the leaves and the birdsong. Maybe get a set of Tibetan singing bowls. See what it does for my blood pressure....
J: It's awesome. Hunting is like that. Sometimes you shoot at things, sometimes you just listen to the woods and say 500 rosaries until you are in a trance. Enlightened? At peace?
Me: Yeah, I could totally see that; fishing, too, I imagine. I think of it as being attuned. In touch with Creation, stepping outside of your own self, just a little bit. Laying the ego down for a while.
* * * * * * *
I think my friends may be struggling with ennui… Lucky for me, I still have an intense curiousity of the world, and an intact capacity for wonder - even if i do now have a much harder time finishing a movie.
Anyway, now that the leaves are all down I am seeing the yard in a whole new light - literally. The front yard is absolutely saturated with light, whereas before reigned a hushed and murky shade.
The air is so clear now, and the sunlight almost seems harsh, throwing every crevice and ridge in the tree bark into sharp relief. And sound travels farther - I can now hear the whinnying of horses being put through their paces at the horse farm the next street over, and the hoot of the neighborhood barred owl. Sunday morning while on a walk I actually saw a fox, rust-orange coat, bushy tail and all. It may have been my spirit animal.
It truly is Indian Summer now, several days in the 70’s, but the preparations continue - I now have a contract for plowing my drive when the snows arrive, had some insulating socks and thermal underwear delivered, and have a pantry full of soup cans. After all, “Winter is Coming”.
D: I am really not good at distracting myself. Games, YouTube videos, movies, TV, I’ve got 100 books I should be reading.
Me: Yeah, it would be best to get back to basics, and resume book reading.
D: I miss the capacity to get involved in fantasy, to get swept up in entertainment like when I was younger. I am afraid journalism has been bad for my imagination.
Me: Yep, it's harder for me, also.
D: Or it’s just a natural function of age. Maybe our brains become more reality oriented as we get older, for the good of the tribe.
Me: Could be, also I have become more discerning over the years, and so have less patience when books and movies aren't up to snuff; it's harder for me to overlook flaws/shortcomings. And also I often have the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I should be doing something more productive, and I am wasting precious time.
D: Absolutely.
P: I used to be able to lose an entire day or night without guilt in a video game. I mean, I still do but now i feel guilty and trashy when I do it.
Me: Yeah, it's like eating candy. You could eat a ton all day when you were a kid, but now you eat more than a couple pieces and you feel exactly like that.
P: Yeah, exactly. I’ve worn out my capacity for simple joy and pleasure and now all I have is getting mad at people.
Me: Fortunately I still possess that, but now it is elicited by other things, like nature-type stuff: trees and plants, birds, clouds, the play of sunlight over the landscape, etc. I have decided that next year I am going to build a meditation platform behind my barn, like a balcony accessed from the loft. I will have some wind chimes, listen to the rustling of the leaves and the birdsong. Maybe get a set of Tibetan singing bowls. See what it does for my blood pressure....
J: It's awesome. Hunting is like that. Sometimes you shoot at things, sometimes you just listen to the woods and say 500 rosaries until you are in a trance. Enlightened? At peace?
Me: Yeah, I could totally see that; fishing, too, I imagine. I think of it as being attuned. In touch with Creation, stepping outside of your own self, just a little bit. Laying the ego down for a while.
* * * * * * *
I think my friends may be struggling with ennui… Lucky for me, I still have an intense curiousity of the world, and an intact capacity for wonder - even if i do now have a much harder time finishing a movie.
Anyway, now that the leaves are all down I am seeing the yard in a whole new light - literally. The front yard is absolutely saturated with light, whereas before reigned a hushed and murky shade.
The air is so clear now, and the sunlight almost seems harsh, throwing every crevice and ridge in the tree bark into sharp relief. And sound travels farther - I can now hear the whinnying of horses being put through their paces at the horse farm the next street over, and the hoot of the neighborhood barred owl. Sunday morning while on a walk I actually saw a fox, rust-orange coat, bushy tail and all. It may have been my spirit animal.
It truly is Indian Summer now, several days in the 70’s, but the preparations continue - I now have a contract for plowing my drive when the snows arrive, had some insulating socks and thermal underwear delivered, and have a pantry full of soup cans. After all, “Winter is Coming”.