A Letter For The Dead
A year. Twelve months. Fifty-two weeks. An entire three hundred sixty-five days, though it feels like just yesterday I was kissing your forehead and saying good-bye. I didn't think I would last this long without you. But I have.
I've done so much yet so little in your absence. I've finished my first year of college. I've made new friends, and new enemies. I've learned how to be myself, how to respect myself, and relearned how to love.
I can still see the good times we had playing back in my head like old movies. I can still hear your voice in my head like it was only a moment ago that you spoke to me. I can still hear your laugh. I can still see your face, your smile. I can still feel your touch, your back-cracking hugs, and your feather-light kisses.
The fact that you're gone still hurts. I believe that it always will. You taught me things no one else could, you saw me in ways no one else has yet to see, and you knew things about me that no one else knows because you took my secrets with you. First you were my friend; then you became my lover, and then my brother. We fought, and we made up. You will always be my guardian angel, my conscience, my inner monologue.
I was there for you in your final hours, but I couldn't stand to watch you die. I was able to tell you I loved you before I said good-bye. I could only do it when I was alone with you in that sterile room, watching you suffer unconsciously. I felt I had no right to declare my love for you in the presence of others, others who would do things for you that I would not and could not. I felt that I had failed as a lover and as a friend.
Now I can truthfully say that I loved you, and I still do. Nothing can or will ever change that. I told you when we broke up that there would always be a place for you in my heart. I will never forget that. Our bond flows deeper than blood.
Here's to you, Nate. I will never forget you for as long as this heart still beats with thoughts of you. Thanks for the memories.
Nathan Thomas Ussery, R.I.P.
(September 26, 1990 - June 5, 2010)
I've done so much yet so little in your absence. I've finished my first year of college. I've made new friends, and new enemies. I've learned how to be myself, how to respect myself, and relearned how to love.
I can still see the good times we had playing back in my head like old movies. I can still hear your voice in my head like it was only a moment ago that you spoke to me. I can still hear your laugh. I can still see your face, your smile. I can still feel your touch, your back-cracking hugs, and your feather-light kisses.
The fact that you're gone still hurts. I believe that it always will. You taught me things no one else could, you saw me in ways no one else has yet to see, and you knew things about me that no one else knows because you took my secrets with you. First you were my friend; then you became my lover, and then my brother. We fought, and we made up. You will always be my guardian angel, my conscience, my inner monologue.
I was there for you in your final hours, but I couldn't stand to watch you die. I was able to tell you I loved you before I said good-bye. I could only do it when I was alone with you in that sterile room, watching you suffer unconsciously. I felt I had no right to declare my love for you in the presence of others, others who would do things for you that I would not and could not. I felt that I had failed as a lover and as a friend.
Now I can truthfully say that I loved you, and I still do. Nothing can or will ever change that. I told you when we broke up that there would always be a place for you in my heart. I will never forget that. Our bond flows deeper than blood.
Here's to you, Nate. I will never forget you for as long as this heart still beats with thoughts of you. Thanks for the memories.
Nathan Thomas Ussery, R.I.P.
(September 26, 1990 - June 5, 2010)