What makes a good wedding?
I'm still over the moon to be marrying Rarg, but I'm now feeling daunted about organising the 'special day'. Obviously (because it's us) it won't be a very traditional day, but I can't figure out what will be different about it. I'm also not keen on getting out a second mortgage for it, so it will be on a manageable budget. I'm having trouble
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From my point of view, a good wedding is one where you feel like everyone there is genuinely wishing the newly-weds well, and is having fun. Curiously enough, the weddings I've been to where they've been held on a budget, so friends and family have been helping out by doing flowers/making cake/doing food/etc are the ones tht really have the community spirit. The weddings that are fully done by professionals are a lot glitzier, but are lacking in the personal touch. Or that's what I think anyway.
Most tedious part of going to a wedding: hanging around with nothing to do while the pictures are taken after the ceremony and before the reception. Also, so many weddings are held around lunchtime, and reception food isn't provided until the evening. So even with a good breakfast, there's a long gap between food breaks (we dealt with this by having tea and cakes available straight after our ceremony)
Wedding lists are handy. We didn't have a shop one though, just a list of cool stuff we'd like.
I love dancing, but hey - it's the couple's choice. Ditto on the music. And I love dressing up too.
I think a lot of people would be honoured to be asked for their help at the wedding. I know I always am.
Our wedding, I think we managed on about £5k. A lot of things we got given by family (the wine for the reception, the barbeque in the evening, my dress) but we still did a lot of it ourselves and with the help of friends. And it all worked out really well.
The biggest headache was the organisation of the whole thing. The most pointless waste of money was the disposable cameras for the reception (mainly because I forgot the blasted things and they never even made it to the wedding)
The best bit about the day was knowing that everyone who was there was there to actively show their support for us as a couple as we were embarking on this new married life. And knowing that no one went away hungry, and that even those with dietary restrictions could still have a damn good feed.
Top tips - Helium balloons make excellent table decorations, as do jars full of sweeties. Don't go to wedding fairs - their only point is to try to convince you that your day won't be complete unless you spend hundreds on napkins that match your bridesmaids dresses. In fact - anytime you mention the word "wedding" be prepared for prices to skyrocket. Steer clear of bridal mags for the same reason.
Oh, and katchuri's Nick is absolutely fantastic at doing wedding photos! He did all ours for us.
(My wedding preparation lj posts can all be found here)
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One thing that every friend of mine who's got married has experienced is family pressure ("oh, you have to invite your second cousin Nigel, he invited auntie Mary to that christening in 1973"). Don't give in to it. It's your day and you should invite who you bloody well like and not feel obliged to ask people you don't know or don't like.
Re: the questions...
Can you tell me about a wedding you really enjoyed? What did you like about it?
sorcha's, definitely, simply because it was relaxed, and unorthodox, and everyone there was lovely, and it was held in a wonderful setting. The fact that everything from the catering to the photos was done by friends gave it a really special feel. Plus I was a bridesmaid!!! I think that some (and I'm only saying some) traditional church-hotel-disco weddings can be a little stilted in atmosphere.
What is the most tedious part of going to someone else's wedding?
Probably the waiting around while photos are taken, if you're not part of the wedding party.
Do you think present lists are useful or boring?
Extremely useful. Nowadays it's very hard to know what people want or need, and it's very wasteful to end up with ten toasters. I personally love to have items suggested to me as it means I'm guaranteed to buy something the couple wants and likes. Some people argue it takes the "originality" out of things, but they're generally the people who have a knack for buying original presents...! I'd say go with a list, and offer people the option of giving something not-from-the-list if they like.
Do you think dancing is an important part of a wedding?
Yes. But not to a really crappy rented-wedding-music-band! Dire cover versions of Abba and Celine Dion - aaargh. I'd say get friends to play stuff you actually like (shouldn't be a problem for you two!!) or else get someone to DJ for you; pick out really good tunes in advance and get someone with iTunes or similar music software to compile a set playlist. (Sorry; music is something I feel strongly about and at weddings so often it's really horrendous!!!).
How would you feel if there was music you didn't like?
Notwithstanding the foregoing, if it was liked and chosen by the bride and groom then that's all that matters! It's the whole cheesy-band-for-the-sake-of-having-a-band that's not nice ;-)
What's the worst disaster you've ever seen at a wedding?
I don't think I've seen one, to be honest! The one I was at last weekend, it bucketed rain as the bride and groom were walking down the aisle, so that put a damper on things so to speak, but the only major problem was that the groom had to carry the bride across the grass so she didn't sink into the muck! I'm going to two more in September so I shall let you know if anything goes wrong ;-)
Would you object to helping out instead of buying a present?
I think that depends on the individual. Personally I'd always volunteer my help; and I wouldn't object to being asked to do additional stuff as long as I didn't feel pressurised or obligated. Sometimes you can feel you have to throw your hat in on project X or Y, even though you might already have helped out significantly with project A or B which has taken a lot out of you already! People like to be able to help as long as it doesn't take away from their own enjoyment of the event ;-)
Do you hate or enjoy dressing up?
Suspect you'll get a fairly balanced split between male and female on this one...! If by dressing up you mean smart dresses and heels, definitely. If you mean dressing up in costume, also definitely!
Best of luck with it all, and hey, if there's anything a far remote person in Denmark who you've only met once can do to help, just shout! :-)
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