writing days = trolling twitter days
Another writing day! This always means fantastic adventures in inappropriate conversation, of course. Today was no exception, as I had lunch with thundersquall and then thelastroads joined us later, with hyperballad, coyotecolored, and hoyah participating via Twitter from their own writing day over in Seoul.
The day started in typical fashion as Sheena discussed her sexual desires for YeWook and I discussed my desire to punch Donghae in the face. DONGHAE, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. (1) go back to dark hair and (2) stop being stoned during SJM interviews, please.
We also...wrote. Kind of. You will see!
SHEENA: you know what guys, i legitimately think yesung...has the sexiest voice in the world.
MEI: i legitimately thought you were about to talk about the size of his dick again.
SHEENA: *dies* well it is the largest in korea.
MEI: you know what would be hilarious? if siwon had an abnormally small dick. this is why heechul doesn't like him.
FUU: do I need to break out the picture of Siwon in wet trunks? 8(
MEI: always!
In the meantime, I was bored and restless and fidgety. I finally managed to get a little bit of fic done. It is actually the best fic I have ever written. :') Fuck Kyu.
Who knows what SHEENA: and SARAH are writing, but I have written the perfect fic. Voila!
"but i love you," says kyuhyun.
"which one of us?" asks sungmin, frowning.
"um," says kyuhyun.
zhou mi shakes his head, radiating disappointment. "i think you know what this means," he sighs.
"...threesome?" says kyuhyun, half-hopefully.
sungmin shoots him a dirty look. "you wish." he takes zhou mi's hand and tugs him close, turning his face up as zhou mi folds over until his mouth meets sungmin's.
"...that's hot," says kyuhyun after a moment. he tries again. "threesome?"
"you have lost the game," sungmin tells him unkindly, drawing back from zhou mi. his mouth is red and kiss-swollen. his eyes glitter.
zhou mi looks dazed and turned-on. he also looks, as he hasn't recently, happy. "sungmin-hyung," he murmurs, and it's like a ray of sunshine peeking between heavy clouds, a slender beam of hope amidst the storm.
kyuhyun wonders if he should feel guilty. mostly he just feels upset. he hates losing.
"zhou mimi," says sungmin, and takes zhou mi's hand and leads him down the hall to his room. "don't come in," he tells kyuhyun. "we'll be busy." when the door closes behind him and zhou mi, a sound of finality accompanies it.
kyuhyun dies alone, while zhou mi and sungmin make out and live happily ever after. the end.
black_goose: sighs it's so romantic and perfect
MEI: perfect otp fic, i know, i know. thank you.
Then, of course, Heechul tweets. It is actually a really depressing tweet, but it utilises ridiculous English: Bullshit mirror Fuck the scar..Im not cool Everything hate..
First: D: (we should've just stopped here but--)
Second: this happened--
SHEENA: *weird* KYUHYUN SCARS AND LEETEUK SCARS, LET'S FUCK THEM ALL, ALL THE SCARS
MEI: does scar-fucking require a kink warning?
SHEENA: *weirder* imagine sliding a lube-slick cock in between the ridges of kyuhyun's raised scars, unf
MEI:*retweets* World, this is Sheena. *judges*
Then in a discussion of how KAT went to a fanmeet and got dinosaur!Jonghyun to call her "noona":
SHEENA: If Ryeowook called me noona, I would spasm and die.
MEI: You mean orgasm and die.
SHEENA: What if Donghae called you noona?
MEI: I would punch him in the face. :| Kyuhyun could call me noona though, unf.
SHEENA: You wouldn't punch Kyuhyun in the face?
MEI: Noooo...I would say, let's take your pants off...
We paused in our fascinating writing convos to observe a cockroach outside of Starbucks in the main mall wander from one corner of the neighboring restaurant to the other. (Gross, yes.)
SARAH: WHY ARE WE STARING AT A COCKROACH ):
MEI: intrepid little cockroach, trying so desperately to get into nando's to no avail. its life struggles...
SARAH: then again it would be sadder if it found its way to the road and got run over by a car ):
MEI: no actually that would make me pretty happy
SARAH: as long as it's not on the pedestrian crossing
Then SHEENA breaks out this picture of ShiHae being ridiculous. I comment that someone should photoshop fangs onto Siwon because he is clearly about to bite Donghae's neck.
SARAH: vampire!ShiHar!
SARAH: er *ShiHae
MEI: *LMFAO* pirates!SHIHARRRRR is more like it
In the meantime, KAT, FUU, and MAI are trolling SHEENA and discussing the joys of Yewon and Shiwook.
MAI: *lists a bunch of perfect couples, among which are Shiwook but not Yewon*
MEI: what about yewon, mai :(
MEI: god's favorite couple :(
SHEENA: *freaks out at us, makes flaily, outraged noises of disgust*
A little while later, FUU starts writing Yewon twitter fic.
FUU: "where is my darling wifey? :(" siwon says, energetically with sadness.
you can tell it's yewon because of siwon's overt masculinity.
When badgered to write more, she produces this gem:
FUU: chapter 2: yesung wandered across the desolate moor in his white nightie, barefoot amidst cruel stones and barren heather.
"why the fuck are you in a nightie?" said heechul, looking up from his iphone, before throwing the device in a fit of impotent rage.
"that is a really good question," yesung sobbed.
"hyung," siwon pronounced earnestly, "please don't swear in front of my wifey's delicate ears! you'll hurt the baby!"
then, kibum woke up from his big mac-induced nightmare in a cold sweat. for a moment, he thought of calling the dorms to make sure that yesung hadn't actually been replaced by a pregnant gothic woman-child. instead, he rolled over and went back to bed.
SHEENA: why are all my friends trolls
MAI: we are glad you finally caught on
Twitter fic is clearly the new trend! I also wrote this for SHEENA, after she complained about Zhou Mi's skinny non-existent ass:
zhou mi flings himself onto kyuhyun's lap. "hi kyuhyun!"
kyuhyun promptly shoves him onto the floor. "bony ass," he mutters.
ryeowook climbs into yesung's lap & yesung grins, getting a good grip on his ass. "this is how you do it," ryeowook tells zhou mi.
zhou mi sighs sadly. "all right. i'll work on getting an ass." he thinks for a moment. "ryeowookie! will you cook me lots to eat?"
"sure, hyung!" says ryeowook but yesung drags him into the bedroom.
"after sex," he says.
kyuhyun rolls his eyes. "i'll cook."
"aw, kyuhyunnie! you do care!" but then zhou mi whimpers a little. "...but i don't want to die." kyuhyun throws a spatula at him.
yesung and ryeowook proceed to have loud sex. kyuhyun proceeds to game grumpily. zhou mi proceeds to try to get an ass. the end!
(sequel) later, kyuhyun gives up gaming and says, "FINE, WE CAN HAVE SEX, BUT LYING DOWN, SO YOUR BONY ASS DOESN'T KILL ME."
= v = thing of beauty. And because I decided that too much Qmi necessitated writing some Kyumin as well, this happened:
sungmin takes his pink frilly bunny-print boxers off & giggles, "kyuhyun, make sweet love to me under the stars!"
kyuhyun says, crying, "i can't, hyung, i'm in love with my princess ryeowook. who is pining after yesung! :("
sungmin cries too. "but yesung is siwon's wifey! ryeowook has no chance. kyuhyun, have sad consolation sex w/ me!"
SHEENA: wails rara come save me mei said yesung is siwon's wifey WAILS
black_goose: JUDGING MEI PRETTY HARD
Kekeke. Haters gon hate. Keep writing my Twitter fic. Maybe even in Chinese!
圭贤对韩庚问：“你是我的韩庚吗？你是我的韩庚吗？”
韩庚翻了白眼。“你把我和周觅搞错了吧。我韩庚却不属于任何的人。”
圭贤咳咳了一下，低声地说：“希澈哥。”
“哎！死孩子，给我滚！去找周觅，别烦扰我了。” 韩庚踹了他一脚。
一边呵呵地笑一边走，圭贤离开了。
SARAH: really cannot stand you
MEI: cannot stand me, or cannot stand kyuhyun? or cannot stand qmi being so disgusting they make me want to vomit?
SARAH: qmi is grosser than hanchul. how we put up with them, i have no idea.
KAT gets in on the Twitter!fic by writing us some most fabulous literary multi-part JongKey:
Once upon a time there was a midget dinosaur who loved to go to to lake and warble his mournful songs of lost love and protein shakes. He was always so alone because nobody likes ankle biters until one day....
"SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP YOU GODDAMN LIZARD" crooned a very fashionable cat from its perch in a tree.
And that's how JongKey fell in love. The end.
Part 2: And then Onew fell down. The end.
Part 3: Jonghyun the dinosaur and Key the cat shares a deep love. They liked to walk around the forest and blow off ppl who looked at them. And sometimes they would have romantic in their hearts and have moonlit dinners of air so they wouldn't get fat.
"you look so sexy today babeh" jjong would say.
"omg I know" key would reply sexily and then jjong Knew. It was time.
Jonghyun leaned close... Close enough to feel Key's soft breath on his quivering lips. Close enough to taste Key's sigh of pleasure.
AND THEN JONGHYUN RIPPED OUT KEY'S THROAT BECAUSE HE WAS A MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAUR AND THOSE BASTARDS ARE CARNIVORES.
The end. ^^
MAI: it was so happy but so sad! unni u write so well! u rly undrstand carnivores!
So KAT wrote an epilogue:
Epilogue: Then Onew fell down again.
Poor MAI in the meantime is trying to seriously fic some HoMin and actually accomplish something from this writing day. Unlike the rest of us trolls, evidently... (Hey! We learn from the best, okay? KyuChul have given us a high standards to live up to.)
In conclusion, our writing day can probably be summed up thusly:
SHEENA: If this were a perfect and ideal world--
MEI: Kyuhyun would call me noona and his pants would fall down.
SHEENA: *pauses, Looks at me, finishes* --I would be able to write 4000 words of fic a day.
MEI: Don't lie, Sheena. If this were a perfect and ideal world, you would be fucking Yewook.
The day started in typical fashion as Sheena discussed her sexual desires for YeWook and I discussed my desire to punch Donghae in the face. DONGHAE, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. (1) go back to dark hair and (2) stop being stoned during SJM interviews, please.
We also...wrote. Kind of. You will see!
SHEENA: you know what guys, i legitimately think yesung...has the sexiest voice in the world.
MEI: i legitimately thought you were about to talk about the size of his dick again.
SHEENA: *dies* well it is the largest in korea.
MEI: you know what would be hilarious? if siwon had an abnormally small dick. this is why heechul doesn't like him.
FUU: do I need to break out the picture of Siwon in wet trunks? 8(
MEI: always!
In the meantime, I was bored and restless and fidgety. I finally managed to get a little bit of fic done. It is actually the best fic I have ever written. :') Fuck Kyu.
Who knows what SHEENA: and SARAH are writing, but I have written the perfect fic. Voila!
"but i love you," says kyuhyun.
"which one of us?" asks sungmin, frowning.
"um," says kyuhyun.
zhou mi shakes his head, radiating disappointment. "i think you know what this means," he sighs.
"...threesome?" says kyuhyun, half-hopefully.
sungmin shoots him a dirty look. "you wish." he takes zhou mi's hand and tugs him close, turning his face up as zhou mi folds over until his mouth meets sungmin's.
"...that's hot," says kyuhyun after a moment. he tries again. "threesome?"
"you have lost the game," sungmin tells him unkindly, drawing back from zhou mi. his mouth is red and kiss-swollen. his eyes glitter.
zhou mi looks dazed and turned-on. he also looks, as he hasn't recently, happy. "sungmin-hyung," he murmurs, and it's like a ray of sunshine peeking between heavy clouds, a slender beam of hope amidst the storm.
kyuhyun wonders if he should feel guilty. mostly he just feels upset. he hates losing.
"zhou mimi," says sungmin, and takes zhou mi's hand and leads him down the hall to his room. "don't come in," he tells kyuhyun. "we'll be busy." when the door closes behind him and zhou mi, a sound of finality accompanies it.
kyuhyun dies alone, while zhou mi and sungmin make out and live happily ever after. the end.
black_goose: sighs it's so romantic and perfect
MEI: perfect otp fic, i know, i know. thank you.
Then, of course, Heechul tweets. It is actually a really depressing tweet, but it utilises ridiculous English: Bullshit mirror Fuck the scar..Im not cool Everything hate..
First: D: (we should've just stopped here but--)
Second: this happened--
SHEENA: *weird* KYUHYUN SCARS AND LEETEUK SCARS, LET'S FUCK THEM ALL, ALL THE SCARS
MEI: does scar-fucking require a kink warning?
SHEENA: *weirder* imagine sliding a lube-slick cock in between the ridges of kyuhyun's raised scars, unf
MEI:*retweets* World, this is Sheena. *judges*
Then in a discussion of how KAT went to a fanmeet and got dinosaur!Jonghyun to call her "noona":
SHEENA: If Ryeowook called me noona, I would spasm and die.
MEI: You mean orgasm and die.
SHEENA: What if Donghae called you noona?
MEI: I would punch him in the face. :| Kyuhyun could call me noona though, unf.
SHEENA: You wouldn't punch Kyuhyun in the face?
MEI: Noooo...I would say, let's take your pants off...
We paused in our fascinating writing convos to observe a cockroach outside of Starbucks in the main mall wander from one corner of the neighboring restaurant to the other. (Gross, yes.)
SARAH: WHY ARE WE STARING AT A COCKROACH ):
MEI: intrepid little cockroach, trying so desperately to get into nando's to no avail. its life struggles...
SARAH: then again it would be sadder if it found its way to the road and got run over by a car ):
MEI: no actually that would make me pretty happy
SARAH: as long as it's not on the pedestrian crossing
Then SHEENA breaks out this picture of ShiHae being ridiculous. I comment that someone should photoshop fangs onto Siwon because he is clearly about to bite Donghae's neck.
SARAH: vampire!ShiHar!
SARAH: er *ShiHae
MEI: *LMFAO* pirates!SHIHARRRRR is more like it
In the meantime, KAT, FUU, and MAI are trolling SHEENA and discussing the joys of Yewon and Shiwook.
MAI: *lists a bunch of perfect couples, among which are Shiwook but not Yewon*
MEI: what about yewon, mai :(
MEI: god's favorite couple :(
SHEENA: *freaks out at us, makes flaily, outraged noises of disgust*
A little while later, FUU starts writing Yewon twitter fic.
FUU: "where is my darling wifey? :(" siwon says, energetically with sadness.
you can tell it's yewon because of siwon's overt masculinity.
When badgered to write more, she produces this gem:
FUU: chapter 2: yesung wandered across the desolate moor in his white nightie, barefoot amidst cruel stones and barren heather.
"why the fuck are you in a nightie?" said heechul, looking up from his iphone, before throwing the device in a fit of impotent rage.
"that is a really good question," yesung sobbed.
"hyung," siwon pronounced earnestly, "please don't swear in front of my wifey's delicate ears! you'll hurt the baby!"
then, kibum woke up from his big mac-induced nightmare in a cold sweat. for a moment, he thought of calling the dorms to make sure that yesung hadn't actually been replaced by a pregnant gothic woman-child. instead, he rolled over and went back to bed.
SHEENA: why are all my friends trolls
MAI: we are glad you finally caught on
Twitter fic is clearly the new trend! I also wrote this for SHEENA, after she complained about Zhou Mi's skinny non-existent ass:
zhou mi flings himself onto kyuhyun's lap. "hi kyuhyun!"
kyuhyun promptly shoves him onto the floor. "bony ass," he mutters.
ryeowook climbs into yesung's lap & yesung grins, getting a good grip on his ass. "this is how you do it," ryeowook tells zhou mi.
zhou mi sighs sadly. "all right. i'll work on getting an ass." he thinks for a moment. "ryeowookie! will you cook me lots to eat?"
"sure, hyung!" says ryeowook but yesung drags him into the bedroom.
"after sex," he says.
kyuhyun rolls his eyes. "i'll cook."
"aw, kyuhyunnie! you do care!" but then zhou mi whimpers a little. "...but i don't want to die." kyuhyun throws a spatula at him.
yesung and ryeowook proceed to have loud sex. kyuhyun proceeds to game grumpily. zhou mi proceeds to try to get an ass. the end!
(sequel) later, kyuhyun gives up gaming and says, "FINE, WE CAN HAVE SEX, BUT LYING DOWN, SO YOUR BONY ASS DOESN'T KILL ME."
= v = thing of beauty. And because I decided that too much Qmi necessitated writing some Kyumin as well, this happened:
sungmin takes his pink frilly bunny-print boxers off & giggles, "kyuhyun, make sweet love to me under the stars!"
kyuhyun says, crying, "i can't, hyung, i'm in love with my princess ryeowook. who is pining after yesung! :("
sungmin cries too. "but yesung is siwon's wifey! ryeowook has no chance. kyuhyun, have sad consolation sex w/ me!"
SHEENA: wails rara come save me mei said yesung is siwon's wifey WAILS
black_goose: JUDGING MEI PRETTY HARD
Kekeke. Haters gon hate. Keep writing my Twitter fic. Maybe even in Chinese!
圭贤对韩庚问：“你是我的韩庚吗？你是我的韩庚吗？”
韩庚翻了白眼。“你把我和周觅搞错了吧。我韩庚却不属于任何的人。”
圭贤咳咳了一下，低声地说：“希澈哥。”
“哎！死孩子，给我滚！去找周觅，别烦扰我了。” 韩庚踹了他一脚。
一边呵呵地笑一边走，圭贤离开了。
SARAH: really cannot stand you
MEI: cannot stand me, or cannot stand kyuhyun? or cannot stand qmi being so disgusting they make me want to vomit?
SARAH: qmi is grosser than hanchul. how we put up with them, i have no idea.
KAT gets in on the Twitter!fic by writing us some most fabulous literary multi-part JongKey:
Once upon a time there was a midget dinosaur who loved to go to to lake and warble his mournful songs of lost love and protein shakes. He was always so alone because nobody likes ankle biters until one day....
"SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP YOU GODDAMN LIZARD" crooned a very fashionable cat from its perch in a tree.
And that's how JongKey fell in love. The end.
Part 2: And then Onew fell down. The end.
Part 3: Jonghyun the dinosaur and Key the cat shares a deep love. They liked to walk around the forest and blow off ppl who looked at them. And sometimes they would have romantic in their hearts and have moonlit dinners of air so they wouldn't get fat.
"you look so sexy today babeh" jjong would say.
"omg I know" key would reply sexily and then jjong Knew. It was time.
Jonghyun leaned close... Close enough to feel Key's soft breath on his quivering lips. Close enough to taste Key's sigh of pleasure.
AND THEN JONGHYUN RIPPED OUT KEY'S THROAT BECAUSE HE WAS A MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAUR AND THOSE BASTARDS ARE CARNIVORES.
The end. ^^
MAI: it was so happy but so sad! unni u write so well! u rly undrstand carnivores!
So KAT wrote an epilogue:
Epilogue: Then Onew fell down again.
Poor MAI in the meantime is trying to seriously fic some HoMin and actually accomplish something from this writing day. Unlike the rest of us trolls, evidently... (Hey! We learn from the best, okay? KyuChul have given us a high standards to live up to.)
In conclusion, our writing day can probably be summed up thusly:
SHEENA: If this were a perfect and ideal world--
MEI: Kyuhyun would call me noona and his pants would fall down.
SHEENA: *pauses, Looks at me, finishes* --I would be able to write 4000 words of fic a day.
MEI: Don't lie, Sheena. If this were a perfect and ideal world, you would be fucking Yewook.