some things never die, like an OT motherfucking P ♥
Kibum doesn't know what to think when he sees the picture. He must make a face because Eunjin leans over and tries to see over his shoulder.
"What's the matter?" she asks, peering at his screen. "Oh, is that--" She pauses. "That's one of your bandmates, right?"
Kibum doesn't talk about them much. Kibum doesn't talk about his personal life much in general. But he nods and Eunjin grins.
"Looks like the fans miss you, Kibum-ah. You should do something nice for them!"
The fans. The fans who tweeted this link at him. Kibum looks again at the picture, the poster, Donghae. This is something they wanted him to see, and he wonders if he's looking for too much meaning. Kibum shrugs and closes the tab. "I'm surprised they still remember me," he says.
He's not sure he means the fans.
His pride won't let him tweet at Donghae when Donghae hasn't followed him back and more than likely won't see the tweet. He thinks about getting Heechul to pass along a message, but Kibum is not fourteen anymore. He won't be that guy. He's a fucking adult and he can act like one.
So he maintains radio silence at Donghae in all respects, waiting for his hyung to make the first move. He might be sulking a bit, but Kibum refuses to own up to it.
"Oh for crying out loud," Heechul shouts over the phone after a week. "Text him, you motherfucker."
"Kim Heechul, are you angry again? Stop letting your temper loose!"
Kibum straightens, snapping back to attention at the voice in the background. Heechul must be at the dorms. "Is that Donghae? Is he there?"
"Oh no," says Heechul, "oh no, I am not going to pass him a fucking message from you. If you want to pass a message on to Heebum, I will pass a message for you. I will pet him for you and tell him you miss him and will come over and cuddle him to make up for the months of owed cuddletime you've now racked up, but I will not pass on a message from you to Donghae. Do it yourself, you spineless excuse for a human being."
There's nothing quite like talking to Heechul to improve your self-worth. Kibum scrubs at his face. "You make me miss the dorms so much, you know."
"I know," is Heechul's breezy, gloating reply as he chooses to ignore Kibum's sarcasm. "Call him, Kim Kibum, or I'm disowning you."
"He could just follow me back on Twitter," Kibum makes the mistake of grumbling and Heechul makes an incoherent noise of pure frustration and hangs up on him.
CALL HIM!!! is the text Kibum receives thirty seconds later.
--
"Hi," says Kibum.
"Who is this?" Donghae asks. "No, no, wait, let me guess. Kyuhyun? No, I saw Kyuhyun earlier. Changmin? No, he's too busy right now. Minho?"
"It's Kibum."
A beat of silence. "Who? Sorry- Key? Is that you?"
Kibum's laughing unexpectedly. The tension he built up earlier is draining away rapidly and he sinks back into his couch. He should've known. "You've been talking to Heechul, haven't you? I'm sorry, hyung, I know it's been a long time."
"Jerk," Donghae says affectionately.
"Hi," Kibum says again, warmly. "I've missed you."
"You follow me on Twitter but I can't even get a text! That's not the way you should treat your hyungs, Kibum."
"I'm sorry. Tell me how you are."
"I'm good, things have been good. Busy though." Donghae's voice gets quiet. "I've missed you."
His voice like that still gets to Kibum, twists up something in his chest and makes it hard to talk. Donghae, like Heechul, is still so much himself. He could never be anything less. "I've missed you too. I saw- I know you're doing a drama now. How is it?"
"We just finished filming the last episode a week ago." Donghae talks about the experience, the people, his feelings. Kibum listens absently, only half-focused on the words themselves, the other part of his attention lingering on just the sound of Donghae. His speech patterns and the little stalls, the way he trails off at times, and the laughter coloring his voice when he recounts something funny, like he's remembering an inside joke.
Kibum's always known he loves Lee Donghae. Still true, he thinks to himself as he leans back. A smile curves his mouth, more natural than the one he puts on in front of the cameras and so familiar. So familiar.
"Call more," says Donghae at one point later in the conversation.
"You could call too," Kibum points out.
"Text me," says Donghae, like he didn't hear.
"Follow me back on Twitter."
"No," laughs Donghae. "Then you'll never call again and I'll never hear your voice again."
"I could just text you and then you'd never hear my voice either."
"Aha! You promised to text me. I'm holding you to that, Kim Kibum."
"Donghae," says Kibum, exasperated and fond. "Hyung."
Donghae does eventually follow him back. Donghae calls him occasionally too. Kibum gets that smile on his face more frequently, to the point where Eunjin raises her eyebrow every time she sees it. Kibum determines he really should spend less time with her.
He wonders sometimes if Donghae kept that poster from the fan and where it is if he did. At the end of it all, though, Kibum realizes he doesn't really care, because what they've got is more than could ever be represented on a piece of paper, even if a picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words.
Some things you don't need words for. Some things defy words altogether. Donghae and Kibum are probably one of those things.
--
One night on the phone, Donghae says, "Come visit tomorrow. Tomorrow night, I'm free, so come by the dorms."
Kibum says, "Okay," and he goes. His schedule has been freer lately anyway, and it's been a while since he's seen Donghae. Too long, maybe. For his trouble, he gets to see the way Donghae's eyes light up, gets to be knocked around by a Donghae who is much stronger than he remembers, and gets to wrap his arms around Donghae from behind.
His lips graze the soft skin of Donghae's cheek as they settle comfortably against each other, the heat of Donghae's body tight against him. Kibum thinks he's smiling again, that "smitten smile" that Eunjin notes these days with a smile.
"I'm glad you came," Donghae says.