UN - CD: Chapter Two - Naruto Wears the Skirt
NARUTO FIC
Title: Uzumaki Naruto - Car Deviant
WARNINGS: Highschool!AU, italics, gushing on Hinata? Obnoxious Nicknames, Home for Info,
-- Chapter Two: Naruto Wears the Skirt --
It's rumored that their tiny exciting town used to have taxi cabs.
It's fact that Naruto had to look that stupid word up to find out what the older guys were talking about. It seemed that once upon a time, Redwood City used to have these cars that ran around driving other people around. What a weird concept!
Apparently, the taxi business had to be shut down, because for some weird reason, most of the people of the town walked everywhere, no matter how far it was. Those who didn't, had cars of their own.
That and it seemed to be a fun game back in the day to set taxi cabs on fire. A three explosion combo was an auto-win, he heard.
He'd like to play that game, just once. Kiba enthusiastically agreed, and Naruto didn't miss the fugitive way Iruka's eyes moved and Asuma's broad grin when he asked about it
And perhaps that's why Redwood doesn't have taxi cabs, anymore.
--
Hinata made that adorable little sigh as she sat down beside him, her luminous moon eyes focused on her hands. These days, she's a little more comfortable with her body, and had moved on to wearing dresses. They weren't the flirty things that Sakura and Ino occasionally get in catwalk fights over, each trying to out do the other, but they flattered Hinata's figure much better. Naruto knew that she was built like a bombshell, but he was a little happy that she didn't like attention the way Ino and Sakura do. Her shy charm was what made him love her like he did. If she got flirty, it would be so utterly alien that he wouldn't be certain what to do with the alien that had possessed her body. Her long pitch hair was gathered in a rare ponytail today, perched on the back of her head, and her fingernails were painted a somber dark red to match the shade of her dress.
Naruto frowned, taking in her expression. She looked disheartened every time her crushes aren't near, but she looked particularly depressed today. "Hey, 'Nata-bear," he said. "What's wrong?"
She gave him a shy smile. "Good morning, Naruto," she said. "How are you doing today?"
"Better than you by the looks of it," he said bluntly. "Now come on, tell big brother Naru what's going on."
Her tentatively happy smile morphs back into her introspective frown. That was interesting fact about Hinata, number five: Hinata internalizes everything, whether it was meant to be or not. For a long moment, she was quiet as her fingers danced in a complex pattern around themselves. "Neji has decided to date Tenten," she finally replied.
"Really?" Naruto demanded, rocking back in his chair. "Ha! Good for her!"
"No, not really," Hinata denied, shaking her head. "He's doing it because Father is pressuring him to do so."
Naruto gaped. "I don't understand," he said blankly. "Where does your father get off telling Neji to date people?" And why hadn't that cold bastard called him and said something? He felt unexpectedly hurt. The two of them had gotten into the habit of calling each other if only to let the other know about the changes in their life. Either Neji was still too perturbed by this change, or for some reason didn't want Naruto to know.
"Father is the head of our family," she sighed. "He does not have to say anything, hints are enough."
"But why?" Naruto insisted.
Hinata ducked her head, her fingers dancing. "Um ... Because my cousin didn't want to."
He stared. "I don't get it," he admitted bluntly.
"Er," she said, blushing. "Neji doesn't want to date Tenten. Or ... um, any girl."
"I don't get it," he insisted. "But what the hell? We're in the 20th century! If Neji wants to make eyes at ... computers like Sasuke does, or whatever, it's his business!"
She glanced up at him through her lashes, a small happy smile flashing through the long forelocks she left loose. "Maybe, but that isn't really how our family works."
His face was a study of outrage. "So? Then Neji should leave! He's almost eighteen, right? Iruka and I will take him in!"
"Thank you, Naruto," she said, fiddling with her hem. "But I don't think Neji would do that."
"Eh, I forgot. He likes that strict family stuff." Naruto sighed, grinding his chin into his palm. It wasn't fair, but perhaps that was why Neji hadn't called him. He knew that Naruto would immediately rail against any hint of unfairness, and offer his own home. And Hinata was right, he wouldn't take that offer. "Your family is so weird."
It was true. Whatever strange genetic quirk they had that gave that entire secretive family those huge eyes like the moon and that long silky hair seemed to bind them together into a mafia-like situation, with Hinata's father as the head. Naruto might be occasionally privy to the workings of the Hyuuga family through Hinata and Neji, but mostly, they were utterly mysterious.
"Good morning, Hinata," Iruka said as he came in the door. "I see you made it to school, Naruto."
"Hey!" he said sharply. "You could have set my clock, you know!"
Iruka gave him a stern look, his scar pinching over his nose. "You're almost seventeen, Naruto, you can take care of yourself." Then he turned back to Hinata and smiled. "How is your project going?"
"Um!" Hinata said, turning a complete red. "V-v-very well, Mr. Umino!" she stuttered. Naruto sighed and sat back to enjoy the show as much as he could. Which wasn't much, granted, because gross, but it was still a show, even if it was in the spirit of Fear Factor.
"Don't do all of Shikamaru's work for him, okay?" Iruka said. "We all know he's bright, but just because he doesn't want to do any of the work doesn't mean you should let him get away with it. I need all of your honesty in this project, Hinata."
"Y-y-y," she stuttered. It appeared that no end was in sight.
"I think her brain short circuited, eh," Naruto said, casting a look over at his guardian. "Don't worry, Iruka," he added. "Hinata will be sure to do that, since you said so."
Iruka looked utterly perplexed at the twitching girl before he shrugged Hinata's weirdness off. And people though Naruto was oblivious. "And you, Naruto?"
"You would know if you weren't always gone," he said, but the comment had no acid. He knew that Iruka had to work his best for what little money was brought home. "It's not, anyway."
"It's not?" the tall brunet inquired with deceptive mildness. "Why?"
"Because that bastard wants to go shopping today," he said, far too familiar with Iruka's slow building temper to be wary of mere warning signs. "And then he wants to work at his house. Hey, Iruka, if I don't come back, you know what happened," he said, crocodile tears welling in his eyes.
"Yes," he said, gaze flinty. "You stole Sasuke's car and broke your idiot neck."
"No!" he protested, before pouting. "Besides, Sasuke's car is a freaking Honda Civic. If I was going to steal a car, it wouldn't be that one. Geez, Iruka, I have standards, you know."
"Sure," Iruka said, sounding utterly convinced in the same way interrogators do. "And his parents are okay with you guys working at his house?"
"I dunno. But he was the one that decided that, so I guess they have to be." He pondered over that before his face twisted in distaste. "I bet they have giant sticks shoved up their --"
"Naruto!"
"Spines?" he improvised awkwardly. "Sasuke has too much of an attitude problem for it to be anything else."
"Hmn," Iruka glowered at him for a moment before adjusting the papers he was holding. He strode to the front of the class and slammed them down on his desk like the chop of an executioner's axe. "Alright!" He shouted in the sudden silence of the staring students. "Let's start class!"
Geez, why was Iruka always so dramatic?
--
Naruto forked the cup ramen into his mouth like a starving man.
At lunch, Hinata always sat beside him -- but she usually did, when she was around. Shikamaru's upper half was sprawled out on the lunch table, and he was glaring at his vibrating phone that alerted that he had a text message; his girlfriend, Temari who went to a different school, loved to text him all the time. Naruto didn't know why she bothered, since Shikamaru only glowered at the phone as if it had killed his puppy. Lee was chattering happily with Tenten, who predictably looked both happy and depressed, while Neji ate with his usual silence beside her. Tenten and Neji didn't usually eat with the lower classmen, but Lee did, and he wanted to congratulate her. Ino and Sakura were sitting nearby, but were too busy being focused across the cafeteria to actually participate in the conversations going on where they were sitting.
"Hey," Naruto said, turning to Hinata as he noticed they were missing someone. "Where is Sai?"
"He had to go talk to the guidance counselor," she replied, only half distracted from casting shy glances at the teacher's table.
"Eeh? Poor guy. I never really liked him, but jeez, what a fate," he said mournfully.
"Mister Morino isn't that bad," she scolded him, turning around.
"You weren't a delinquent," he said moodily. "Ibiki is scary."
"Miss Anko is scarier," she argued.
Naruto wavered. Ibiki was scary, but their chemistry teacher, Anko, was fairly terrifying herself. She seemed to have some strange thing for Naruto, at that. "Hmm," he grunted with intense concentration. "Hmm." Perhaps he should make a poll? Sakura was part of the group of kids that ran the school's web site, surely he could talk her into posting the poll online for kids to take. And they could claim it was harmless fun, too! He pounded his fist into his palm in assurance. Yes, that was exactly what he'd do!
"I don't like the looks of that," Shikamaru said, staring at him with bored eyes. "Geez, Naruto, do you always have to cause trouble?"
"What do you care?" he demanded. "You'd sleep through it!"
"That's actually a valid point," the dark haired kid said, and turned away to glare at his phone as it started a new fit of vibrations. With a desperate groan, he put an arm over his head.
"Hey, Sakura!" Naruto called, waving at the girl. "Sa-ku-ra!"
"What do you want, idiot?" she snarled, turning to hurl the magazine at him. He ducked it harmlessly. "Ino, go get that."
"You threw it, four-eyes! You get it!" Ino snarled. Sakura bared her teeth.
"Sakura, you can have lesbian food fights with Ino later!" Naruto said. "I want to talk to you!"
"Who are you calling a lesbian, car-boy?" she demanded, climbing over the lunch table and grinding her teeth, green eyes narrowed dangerously over the frame of her small rectangular glasses. Both ignored the feeble and half-hearted shouts from the direction of the Teacher's table.
"What you say?" he shrilled. "Come say that to my face!"
"I am!" she shouted. "Grease monkey! Deviant! When is the marriage, anyway, huh?"
"Who you calling a deviant, Ms. Hundred Meter Dash! I have a perfectly healthy obsession with cars!" This was perhaps another reason why Sakura and Naruto never dated. They couldn't get along for five minutes. Sakura was hot, but would be a hotter lesbian, and cars were still hotter than that. Jeez, there's something really wrong with me. Not that he would admit it in a thousand years.
"Healthy, my foot!" she snarled. "You're so bent over cars, your kids are going to be robots!"
Naruto took exactly one hundredth of a second to get a mental image, and turned a brilliant shade of scarlet. That had not sounded right. "Wah! Sakura, don't say it like that!" he sputtered. "Why'd you say it like that?"
Her big emerald eyes fluttered as she rewound the conversation. Then she flushed. "Damn it, Naruto! Look what you made me say!" she growled. "What do you want?"
Immediately to business, even with the flush still on his face, he gently pounded the table with his hand. "You know how everyone thinks they know who the scariest person here is? You should put a poll up on the web page, and tell everyone to vote! Then we can know once and for all who the scariest teacher is!"
"Is that all?" she asked, pouting. "Geez, Naruto, I thought you had something exciting to say."
He pouted right back. "Well, fine! If you don't like my idea, you can go right back to ogling that bastard," he sniffed.
"Nah, I'll do it," she said slowly, eyeing him. "But! You'll owe me. I get to do one thing about you on the web page, and you can't say anything about it!"
"Really?" he demanded happily. It's not like Sakura could really do anything to ruin his reputation or anything, so he nodded. "Okay!"
It was only after lunch, when Hinata leaned over and said, "Naruto, what if she does a poll on you, with choices of 'Car Deviant' or 'Gayest boy in school'?" that he started to wonder what he might have agreed to.
--
"That was so hot!" Kiba crowed. Naruto twitched and squeaked.
"Actually, that was an endothermic reaction," Hinata said softly.
"I didn't mean the experiment," he snorted. "I meant Miss Anko!" Naruto twitched and squeaked. Hinata patted his arm consolingly.
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Naruto, most boys would be thrilled that Anko used them in the experiment." She cast a caustic look in his direction. "But you would have been happier if she was a car, wouldn't you?"
"Geez!" he burst out. "Are you never going to get over that! I said that once!"
"Um, Naruto, a girl never forgets," Hinata said.
"Who cares!" Kiba continued, eyes far too bright with enthusiasm. "That was so hot!"
Shino sulked silently along side the quartet. The only time Naruto really hung out with Shino and Kiba was between Chemistry and English, since they shared those classes. Even during lunch, those two disappeared off into the crowds -- or more like, Kiba went around begging for spare change and Shino tagged along because the two were inseparable as Siamese twins. There was something nagging his mind about that, but --
"It was super creepy!" he whined. "Why did she have to choose me to participate in her creepy experiment!" Naruto didn't actually remember the lesson, thanks to his impromptu participation. Apparently, there had been an endothermic reaction somewhere in there, but all he remembered was Anko taking off her lab coat, and then some strange confusion of screaming and his own panic, and then Anko leering down at him from where she was standing over him with his shirt in her hands and smoke and the smell of smoke. According to eyewitnesses later, his shirt had caught fire because he even though he had rolled up his sleeve, it had still brushed by a Bunsen burner. Naruto was fairly certain that he was scarred forever. On his soul. Where people couldn't see. Tragic.
"She had a swirly tattoo on her arm," Kiba said in a dreamy tone. Naruto twitched.
"It's okay, Naruto," Hinata said tolerantly, linking her arm through his in sympathy.
"Good evening, guys," Kurenai said, smiling at them as they approached her classroom.
"Hey, Miss Kurenai!" Kiba exclaimed, grinning toothily.
"God," Naruto groaned, shoving by the boy. "What a pervert."
"Says the car deviant!" he called.
Ah, shit.
--
"Um, Naruto," Hinata said tentatively, sidling up near him. "Um, you know, we're going to have PowderPuff Football in a month ..."
He grinned. "Name your request, 'Nata-bear. Who do you want me to recruit as your cheerleader this time?" Naruto had always looked forward to PowderPuff football in a perverse way. The one year they had managed to get Neji to dress up as a cheerleader had been awesome. He usually was made the referee, but that didn't mean he wouldn't weigh in to help the girls. Redwood had a long tradition of each girl having her own cheerleader -- usually her boyfriend, but when the girl didn't have a boyfriend, Naruto was sent out to recruit a boy for her.
"Um, actually," she hedged. "Sakura wants Sasuke."
"Eh!" he exclaimed, not surprised but awfully certain that wasn't going to happen. "Okay, and who are you asking?"
"Umm ..." she hmm'd uncertainly. "Er, well, I looked in the rule book ..."
Having picked up on the theme of 'boyfriend' or 'crush', Naruto blanched, but bravely waited.
"And there not a rule about it, and cheerleaders ..."
He swooned and had to support himself on a nearby locker. "Hinata!" he protested.
"Well, I want to!" she sputtered defensively. "Be my cheerleader!"
He wobbled dangerously for a moment before her words registered. "What?" he asked weakly.
"I looked!" she said defensively. "We'll have to find a new referee, but I really want you to be my cheerleader."
"Oh," he gasped in relief. For a long dangerous moment there, he thought she wanted him to ask Iruka to be her cheerleader. "Wait -- why me?"
She shook her head, ponytail whipping dangerously. "I don't want to add more stress on my cousin, and Kiba has gotten a little too mannish to really look good in a mini skirt."
"Ah," he said, nodding. Kiba had long since passed the stage that he could cross dress without making people recoil. "Wait -- What! What do you mean by that!"
"Um, well, the girls were going to wait until senior year before making you cheer, but since Neji is out, and we weren't certain you were going to stay ... er, cute, they let me choose you," she said.
"You girls are vicious and mean and cruel!" he sputtered. Unwillingly, his mind was still going through the motions. "But, um, if Sakura is going to try to pull a two-time by getting two new cheerleaders up there, who are Ino and Tenten going for?"
"Ino is sticking with Shikamaru, and you know Lee enjoys the excitement," Hinata explained with a smile. "Um, but it's going to be a special PowderPuff game this year ... since both you and Sasuke are going up, we asked the teachers, and miss Kurenai will be on the field. Miss Anko got Mister Umino ... Kurenai hasn't told us who she chose."
"Eh, it's a given, she'll ask Asuma. Unless she thinks that will scar everyone forever, then she'll probably ask Izumo."
Hinata blinked for a moment. Naruto didn't blame her -- he didn't know what Izumo did, either, except for patrol the halls and chase kids out of the teacher's lounge with his weirdo partner. Which, interestingly enough, was how Naruto knew the two existed. Naruto did know, however, that Kurenai was fond of him for reasons beyond him. He quickly filled her in on those details, as well as the additional information that Izumo would likely scar less people than Asuma in a mini-skirt.
"Would you like to go somewhere?" Hinata asked after she had digested that information. "We could plan how to talk Sasuke into being a cheerleader."
Naruto grimaced. "I can't." He glanced at the clock. "In about ten minutes, Sasuke wants to go shopping for those supplies for the History project."
"Oh," she said. Then she smiled. "Okay, then you better work on that. Just don't forget that even though you're my cheerleader this year, you still have to help convince Sasuke."
"I won't," he said, grinning. "It's icing on my cake to think of embarrassing him like that!"
"You're a terrible person," Hinata said, but she was smiling brighter. "Um, have fun, okay?"
"Absolutely!" he enthused, walking backwards and waving goodbye.
After all, if he isn't having fun, he isn't living.
-- to be continued--
(next)
Title: Uzumaki Naruto - Car Deviant
WARNINGS: Highschool!AU, italics, gushing on Hinata? Obnoxious Nicknames, Home for Info,
-- Chapter Two: Naruto Wears the Skirt --
It's rumored that their tiny exciting town used to have taxi cabs.
It's fact that Naruto had to look that stupid word up to find out what the older guys were talking about. It seemed that once upon a time, Redwood City used to have these cars that ran around driving other people around. What a weird concept!
Apparently, the taxi business had to be shut down, because for some weird reason, most of the people of the town walked everywhere, no matter how far it was. Those who didn't, had cars of their own.
That and it seemed to be a fun game back in the day to set taxi cabs on fire. A three explosion combo was an auto-win, he heard.
He'd like to play that game, just once. Kiba enthusiastically agreed, and Naruto didn't miss the fugitive way Iruka's eyes moved and Asuma's broad grin when he asked about it
And perhaps that's why Redwood doesn't have taxi cabs, anymore.
--
Hinata made that adorable little sigh as she sat down beside him, her luminous moon eyes focused on her hands. These days, she's a little more comfortable with her body, and had moved on to wearing dresses. They weren't the flirty things that Sakura and Ino occasionally get in catwalk fights over, each trying to out do the other, but they flattered Hinata's figure much better. Naruto knew that she was built like a bombshell, but he was a little happy that she didn't like attention the way Ino and Sakura do. Her shy charm was what made him love her like he did. If she got flirty, it would be so utterly alien that he wouldn't be certain what to do with the alien that had possessed her body. Her long pitch hair was gathered in a rare ponytail today, perched on the back of her head, and her fingernails were painted a somber dark red to match the shade of her dress.
Naruto frowned, taking in her expression. She looked disheartened every time her crushes aren't near, but she looked particularly depressed today. "Hey, 'Nata-bear," he said. "What's wrong?"
She gave him a shy smile. "Good morning, Naruto," she said. "How are you doing today?"
"Better than you by the looks of it," he said bluntly. "Now come on, tell big brother Naru what's going on."
Her tentatively happy smile morphs back into her introspective frown. That was interesting fact about Hinata, number five: Hinata internalizes everything, whether it was meant to be or not. For a long moment, she was quiet as her fingers danced in a complex pattern around themselves. "Neji has decided to date Tenten," she finally replied.
"Really?" Naruto demanded, rocking back in his chair. "Ha! Good for her!"
"No, not really," Hinata denied, shaking her head. "He's doing it because Father is pressuring him to do so."
Naruto gaped. "I don't understand," he said blankly. "Where does your father get off telling Neji to date people?" And why hadn't that cold bastard called him and said something? He felt unexpectedly hurt. The two of them had gotten into the habit of calling each other if only to let the other know about the changes in their life. Either Neji was still too perturbed by this change, or for some reason didn't want Naruto to know.
"Father is the head of our family," she sighed. "He does not have to say anything, hints are enough."
"But why?" Naruto insisted.
Hinata ducked her head, her fingers dancing. "Um ... Because my cousin didn't want to."
He stared. "I don't get it," he admitted bluntly.
"Er," she said, blushing. "Neji doesn't want to date Tenten. Or ... um, any girl."
"I don't get it," he insisted. "But what the hell? We're in the 20th century! If Neji wants to make eyes at ... computers like Sasuke does, or whatever, it's his business!"
She glanced up at him through her lashes, a small happy smile flashing through the long forelocks she left loose. "Maybe, but that isn't really how our family works."
His face was a study of outrage. "So? Then Neji should leave! He's almost eighteen, right? Iruka and I will take him in!"
"Thank you, Naruto," she said, fiddling with her hem. "But I don't think Neji would do that."
"Eh, I forgot. He likes that strict family stuff." Naruto sighed, grinding his chin into his palm. It wasn't fair, but perhaps that was why Neji hadn't called him. He knew that Naruto would immediately rail against any hint of unfairness, and offer his own home. And Hinata was right, he wouldn't take that offer. "Your family is so weird."
It was true. Whatever strange genetic quirk they had that gave that entire secretive family those huge eyes like the moon and that long silky hair seemed to bind them together into a mafia-like situation, with Hinata's father as the head. Naruto might be occasionally privy to the workings of the Hyuuga family through Hinata and Neji, but mostly, they were utterly mysterious.
"Good morning, Hinata," Iruka said as he came in the door. "I see you made it to school, Naruto."
"Hey!" he said sharply. "You could have set my clock, you know!"
Iruka gave him a stern look, his scar pinching over his nose. "You're almost seventeen, Naruto, you can take care of yourself." Then he turned back to Hinata and smiled. "How is your project going?"
"Um!" Hinata said, turning a complete red. "V-v-very well, Mr. Umino!" she stuttered. Naruto sighed and sat back to enjoy the show as much as he could. Which wasn't much, granted, because gross, but it was still a show, even if it was in the spirit of Fear Factor.
"Don't do all of Shikamaru's work for him, okay?" Iruka said. "We all know he's bright, but just because he doesn't want to do any of the work doesn't mean you should let him get away with it. I need all of your honesty in this project, Hinata."
"Y-y-y," she stuttered. It appeared that no end was in sight.
"I think her brain short circuited, eh," Naruto said, casting a look over at his guardian. "Don't worry, Iruka," he added. "Hinata will be sure to do that, since you said so."
Iruka looked utterly perplexed at the twitching girl before he shrugged Hinata's weirdness off. And people though Naruto was oblivious. "And you, Naruto?"
"You would know if you weren't always gone," he said, but the comment had no acid. He knew that Iruka had to work his best for what little money was brought home. "It's not, anyway."
"It's not?" the tall brunet inquired with deceptive mildness. "Why?"
"Because that bastard wants to go shopping today," he said, far too familiar with Iruka's slow building temper to be wary of mere warning signs. "And then he wants to work at his house. Hey, Iruka, if I don't come back, you know what happened," he said, crocodile tears welling in his eyes.
"Yes," he said, gaze flinty. "You stole Sasuke's car and broke your idiot neck."
"No!" he protested, before pouting. "Besides, Sasuke's car is a freaking Honda Civic. If I was going to steal a car, it wouldn't be that one. Geez, Iruka, I have standards, you know."
"Sure," Iruka said, sounding utterly convinced in the same way interrogators do. "And his parents are okay with you guys working at his house?"
"I dunno. But he was the one that decided that, so I guess they have to be." He pondered over that before his face twisted in distaste. "I bet they have giant sticks shoved up their --"
"Naruto!"
"Spines?" he improvised awkwardly. "Sasuke has too much of an attitude problem for it to be anything else."
"Hmn," Iruka glowered at him for a moment before adjusting the papers he was holding. He strode to the front of the class and slammed them down on his desk like the chop of an executioner's axe. "Alright!" He shouted in the sudden silence of the staring students. "Let's start class!"
Geez, why was Iruka always so dramatic?
--
Naruto forked the cup ramen into his mouth like a starving man.
At lunch, Hinata always sat beside him -- but she usually did, when she was around. Shikamaru's upper half was sprawled out on the lunch table, and he was glaring at his vibrating phone that alerted that he had a text message; his girlfriend, Temari who went to a different school, loved to text him all the time. Naruto didn't know why she bothered, since Shikamaru only glowered at the phone as if it had killed his puppy. Lee was chattering happily with Tenten, who predictably looked both happy and depressed, while Neji ate with his usual silence beside her. Tenten and Neji didn't usually eat with the lower classmen, but Lee did, and he wanted to congratulate her. Ino and Sakura were sitting nearby, but were too busy being focused across the cafeteria to actually participate in the conversations going on where they were sitting.
"Hey," Naruto said, turning to Hinata as he noticed they were missing someone. "Where is Sai?"
"He had to go talk to the guidance counselor," she replied, only half distracted from casting shy glances at the teacher's table.
"Eeh? Poor guy. I never really liked him, but jeez, what a fate," he said mournfully.
"Mister Morino isn't that bad," she scolded him, turning around.
"You weren't a delinquent," he said moodily. "Ibiki is scary."
"Miss Anko is scarier," she argued.
Naruto wavered. Ibiki was scary, but their chemistry teacher, Anko, was fairly terrifying herself. She seemed to have some strange thing for Naruto, at that. "Hmm," he grunted with intense concentration. "Hmm." Perhaps he should make a poll? Sakura was part of the group of kids that ran the school's web site, surely he could talk her into posting the poll online for kids to take. And they could claim it was harmless fun, too! He pounded his fist into his palm in assurance. Yes, that was exactly what he'd do!
"I don't like the looks of that," Shikamaru said, staring at him with bored eyes. "Geez, Naruto, do you always have to cause trouble?"
"What do you care?" he demanded. "You'd sleep through it!"
"That's actually a valid point," the dark haired kid said, and turned away to glare at his phone as it started a new fit of vibrations. With a desperate groan, he put an arm over his head.
"Hey, Sakura!" Naruto called, waving at the girl. "Sa-ku-ra!"
"What do you want, idiot?" she snarled, turning to hurl the magazine at him. He ducked it harmlessly. "Ino, go get that."
"You threw it, four-eyes! You get it!" Ino snarled. Sakura bared her teeth.
"Sakura, you can have lesbian food fights with Ino later!" Naruto said. "I want to talk to you!"
"Who are you calling a lesbian, car-boy?" she demanded, climbing over the lunch table and grinding her teeth, green eyes narrowed dangerously over the frame of her small rectangular glasses. Both ignored the feeble and half-hearted shouts from the direction of the Teacher's table.
"What you say?" he shrilled. "Come say that to my face!"
"I am!" she shouted. "Grease monkey! Deviant! When is the marriage, anyway, huh?"
"Who you calling a deviant, Ms. Hundred Meter Dash! I have a perfectly healthy obsession with cars!" This was perhaps another reason why Sakura and Naruto never dated. They couldn't get along for five minutes. Sakura was hot, but would be a hotter lesbian, and cars were still hotter than that. Jeez, there's something really wrong with me. Not that he would admit it in a thousand years.
"Healthy, my foot!" she snarled. "You're so bent over cars, your kids are going to be robots!"
Naruto took exactly one hundredth of a second to get a mental image, and turned a brilliant shade of scarlet. That had not sounded right. "Wah! Sakura, don't say it like that!" he sputtered. "Why'd you say it like that?"
Her big emerald eyes fluttered as she rewound the conversation. Then she flushed. "Damn it, Naruto! Look what you made me say!" she growled. "What do you want?"
Immediately to business, even with the flush still on his face, he gently pounded the table with his hand. "You know how everyone thinks they know who the scariest person here is? You should put a poll up on the web page, and tell everyone to vote! Then we can know once and for all who the scariest teacher is!"
"Is that all?" she asked, pouting. "Geez, Naruto, I thought you had something exciting to say."
He pouted right back. "Well, fine! If you don't like my idea, you can go right back to ogling that bastard," he sniffed.
"Nah, I'll do it," she said slowly, eyeing him. "But! You'll owe me. I get to do one thing about you on the web page, and you can't say anything about it!"
"Really?" he demanded happily. It's not like Sakura could really do anything to ruin his reputation or anything, so he nodded. "Okay!"
It was only after lunch, when Hinata leaned over and said, "Naruto, what if she does a poll on you, with choices of 'Car Deviant' or 'Gayest boy in school'?" that he started to wonder what he might have agreed to.
--
"That was so hot!" Kiba crowed. Naruto twitched and squeaked.
"Actually, that was an endothermic reaction," Hinata said softly.
"I didn't mean the experiment," he snorted. "I meant Miss Anko!" Naruto twitched and squeaked. Hinata patted his arm consolingly.
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Naruto, most boys would be thrilled that Anko used them in the experiment." She cast a caustic look in his direction. "But you would have been happier if she was a car, wouldn't you?"
"Geez!" he burst out. "Are you never going to get over that! I said that once!"
"Um, Naruto, a girl never forgets," Hinata said.
"Who cares!" Kiba continued, eyes far too bright with enthusiasm. "That was so hot!"
Shino sulked silently along side the quartet. The only time Naruto really hung out with Shino and Kiba was between Chemistry and English, since they shared those classes. Even during lunch, those two disappeared off into the crowds -- or more like, Kiba went around begging for spare change and Shino tagged along because the two were inseparable as Siamese twins. There was something nagging his mind about that, but --
"It was super creepy!" he whined. "Why did she have to choose me to participate in her creepy experiment!" Naruto didn't actually remember the lesson, thanks to his impromptu participation. Apparently, there had been an endothermic reaction somewhere in there, but all he remembered was Anko taking off her lab coat, and then some strange confusion of screaming and his own panic, and then Anko leering down at him from where she was standing over him with his shirt in her hands and smoke and the smell of smoke. According to eyewitnesses later, his shirt had caught fire because he even though he had rolled up his sleeve, it had still brushed by a Bunsen burner. Naruto was fairly certain that he was scarred forever. On his soul. Where people couldn't see. Tragic.
"She had a swirly tattoo on her arm," Kiba said in a dreamy tone. Naruto twitched.
"It's okay, Naruto," Hinata said tolerantly, linking her arm through his in sympathy.
"Good evening, guys," Kurenai said, smiling at them as they approached her classroom.
"Hey, Miss Kurenai!" Kiba exclaimed, grinning toothily.
"God," Naruto groaned, shoving by the boy. "What a pervert."
"Says the car deviant!" he called.
Ah, shit.
--
"Um, Naruto," Hinata said tentatively, sidling up near him. "Um, you know, we're going to have PowderPuff Football in a month ..."
He grinned. "Name your request, 'Nata-bear. Who do you want me to recruit as your cheerleader this time?" Naruto had always looked forward to PowderPuff football in a perverse way. The one year they had managed to get Neji to dress up as a cheerleader had been awesome. He usually was made the referee, but that didn't mean he wouldn't weigh in to help the girls. Redwood had a long tradition of each girl having her own cheerleader -- usually her boyfriend, but when the girl didn't have a boyfriend, Naruto was sent out to recruit a boy for her.
"Um, actually," she hedged. "Sakura wants Sasuke."
"Eh!" he exclaimed, not surprised but awfully certain that wasn't going to happen. "Okay, and who are you asking?"
"Umm ..." she hmm'd uncertainly. "Er, well, I looked in the rule book ..."
Having picked up on the theme of 'boyfriend' or 'crush', Naruto blanched, but bravely waited.
"And there not a rule about it, and cheerleaders ..."
He swooned and had to support himself on a nearby locker. "Hinata!" he protested.
"Well, I want to!" she sputtered defensively. "Be my cheerleader!"
He wobbled dangerously for a moment before her words registered. "What?" he asked weakly.
"I looked!" she said defensively. "We'll have to find a new referee, but I really want you to be my cheerleader."
"Oh," he gasped in relief. For a long dangerous moment there, he thought she wanted him to ask Iruka to be her cheerleader. "Wait -- why me?"
She shook her head, ponytail whipping dangerously. "I don't want to add more stress on my cousin, and Kiba has gotten a little too mannish to really look good in a mini skirt."
"Ah," he said, nodding. Kiba had long since passed the stage that he could cross dress without making people recoil. "Wait -- What! What do you mean by that!"
"Um, well, the girls were going to wait until senior year before making you cheer, but since Neji is out, and we weren't certain you were going to stay ... er, cute, they let me choose you," she said.
"You girls are vicious and mean and cruel!" he sputtered. Unwillingly, his mind was still going through the motions. "But, um, if Sakura is going to try to pull a two-time by getting two new cheerleaders up there, who are Ino and Tenten going for?"
"Ino is sticking with Shikamaru, and you know Lee enjoys the excitement," Hinata explained with a smile. "Um, but it's going to be a special PowderPuff game this year ... since both you and Sasuke are going up, we asked the teachers, and miss Kurenai will be on the field. Miss Anko got Mister Umino ... Kurenai hasn't told us who she chose."
"Eh, it's a given, she'll ask Asuma. Unless she thinks that will scar everyone forever, then she'll probably ask Izumo."
Hinata blinked for a moment. Naruto didn't blame her -- he didn't know what Izumo did, either, except for patrol the halls and chase kids out of the teacher's lounge with his weirdo partner. Which, interestingly enough, was how Naruto knew the two existed. Naruto did know, however, that Kurenai was fond of him for reasons beyond him. He quickly filled her in on those details, as well as the additional information that Izumo would likely scar less people than Asuma in a mini-skirt.
"Would you like to go somewhere?" Hinata asked after she had digested that information. "We could plan how to talk Sasuke into being a cheerleader."
Naruto grimaced. "I can't." He glanced at the clock. "In about ten minutes, Sasuke wants to go shopping for those supplies for the History project."
"Oh," she said. Then she smiled. "Okay, then you better work on that. Just don't forget that even though you're my cheerleader this year, you still have to help convince Sasuke."
"I won't," he said, grinning. "It's icing on my cake to think of embarrassing him like that!"
"You're a terrible person," Hinata said, but she was smiling brighter. "Um, have fun, okay?"
"Absolutely!" he enthused, walking backwards and waving goodbye.
After all, if he isn't having fun, he isn't living.
-- to be continued--
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