Crack!Fic Naruto -- That Technique
Crack!Fic Naruto
Title: That Technique
Summery: Morino Ibiki knows things, and how to get what he wants, no matter how round about it has to be. KakaNaru . IbiEbi . Kakashi-centric
That Technique
Morino Ibiki was a rather scary fellow.
Of course, being the head of the Anbu Torture and Interrogation division doesn't mean you looked like Kurenai and acted like Hinata. The worse thing about it was that Ibiki was a expert at breaking the human mind.
The logic followed that when he wanted something, he got it.
--
Hatake Kakashi was a rather laid back guy.
Of course, being a jounin sensei, he kind of had to be, especially to deal with the three he was saddled with. They were enough to turn his already silver hair white. He still carried his secrets, though, and shouldered his desires with patient denial.
Kakashi had always wanted Naruto.
--
So Kakashi might have been a laid-back guy, but when you get cornered by Ibiki, it's time to start panicking.
There was a rather long game of cat-and-mouse, which came to a rather spine jarring halt when Ibiki managed to ambush him at the memorial. Kakashi was happy that at least his book was in his pouch were it wouldn't get lost or damaged, wrapped almost completely in rope and swinging gently from the noose around his ankles.
"Aah, Ohayo, Ibiki-san," he said pleasantly. "Domo -- where you trying to get my attention?"
Ibiki looked about as humored as he ever did. "Kakashi, I'll get to the point. You have inappropriate feelings for your student."
Kakashi blinked. He thought he'd done a rather good job of hiding/ignoring them. He wasn't really surprised that Ibiki had caught on, though. "Aa, what about it?"
"Think of this as blackmail. I don't tell Tsuande-hime, and you help me retrieve my own interests."
Kakashi arched an eyebrow, and then smiled as pleasantly as he could under the circumstances. "Ebisu giving you trouble?" he asked. It wasn't intended as an attack on Ibiki. He had just happened to have overheard a rather panicked jounin babbling his head off to an unsympathetic genin team. They had not understood what that meant, but he had.
Ibiki frowned all the same. "I trust you understand the rules of engagement."
"Aa, Ibiki-san," he answered, nodding readily.
"Good."
Kakashi was somehow unsurprised when the scarred man promptly turned on his heels and strode away. He sighed as a breeze blew him into a gentle sway again. "Don't bother, Ibiki-san, I can get myself down," he said sardonically.
--
"He wants what now?"
Kakashi hummed as he lowered his book to take a good look at Naruto's expression. It was highly amusing. "Ibiki wants Ebisu's attentions."
"That is so wrong!" Naruto wailed, throwing a fit. "Ew!" he shrieked, fleeing from the front door. Kakashi watched in mild bemusement as Naruto did a dance of 'ew' through his house.
"So, you knew Ebisu," he said, overriding the sounds of disgust. "Is there anything you know that would help?"
Naruto paused, frowning. "Ebisu is a closet pervert!" he said brightly.
Kakashi stared. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"Harem no Jutsu -- it kills him dead!"
His eyebrows shot up, and his book sank. He'd heard about Naruto's evil secret technique, and had always done his best to avoid it. "You're going to teach Harem no Jutsu to Ibiki?"
That seemed to hold Naruto for a moment. He shuddered. "Ibiki and Ebisu?" he asked again, almost in a whine.
"What about it?" Kakashi asked. He didn't like to admit that he was feeling prickled over Naruto's continued disgusted displays.
"What about it?" Naruto demanded in high tones. "Have you looked at them?"
He gave his student a blank look, and brought his book back up, waving it slightly.
Naruto frowned. "Good point."
--
Kakashi was there the entire time Naruto was teaching Ibiki the jutsu. He had his back turned and was reading his book, and was thus judging the progress according to Naruto's very vocal responses.
When Naruto finally congratulated Ibiki on his success, Kakashi came back around from the tree he'd been hiding behind, eye firmly fixed on his book until he was certain they were both in their proper forms.
"Will that do?" he asked. He purposely left it an open question.
"That should work," Naruto said, nodding his head.
"It's acceptable," Ibiki said.
Kakashi snapped his book shut and tucked it away. "Good."
"Oh, Naruto, I'm not a generous kind of guy, but I'll give you a bit of information," Ibiki said, giving the blond a serious look. Kakashi blinked, curious. "Watch out for your sensei over there -- his intentions are less than pure."
With those words, Ibiki turn and left. Naruto gaped like a fish out of water, and Kakashi kept his face neutral. He had known when Ibiki had first approached him that no good could come of this. With a slight noise -- somewhere between a grunt and a sigh, Kakashi retrieved his book and stuck his nose in it, leaving the stunned Naruto on the field.
"N-ne! Kakashi-sensei! Wait a moment!" Naruto called as he ran after him. When he caught up, he fixed a frown on his teacher. "Hey, is that true? Or is Ibiki just playing with our heads?" he demanded.
Kakashi offered a wan smile. "With Ibiki, there isn't really any way to tell," he said vaguely, and patted the teenager on the head.
--
"Harem no Jutsu!"
Ibiki chortled to himself as he gathered the unconscious Ebisu up and threw him over his shoulder.
After all, Ibiki always gets what he wants.
-- El Fin
=D Lawlz
Title: That Technique
Summery: Morino Ibiki knows things, and how to get what he wants, no matter how round about it has to be. KakaNaru . IbiEbi . Kakashi-centric
That Technique
Morino Ibiki was a rather scary fellow.
Of course, being the head of the Anbu Torture and Interrogation division doesn't mean you looked like Kurenai and acted like Hinata. The worse thing about it was that Ibiki was a expert at breaking the human mind.
The logic followed that when he wanted something, he got it.
--
Hatake Kakashi was a rather laid back guy.
Of course, being a jounin sensei, he kind of had to be, especially to deal with the three he was saddled with. They were enough to turn his already silver hair white. He still carried his secrets, though, and shouldered his desires with patient denial.
Kakashi had always wanted Naruto.
--
So Kakashi might have been a laid-back guy, but when you get cornered by Ibiki, it's time to start panicking.
There was a rather long game of cat-and-mouse, which came to a rather spine jarring halt when Ibiki managed to ambush him at the memorial. Kakashi was happy that at least his book was in his pouch were it wouldn't get lost or damaged, wrapped almost completely in rope and swinging gently from the noose around his ankles.
"Aah, Ohayo, Ibiki-san," he said pleasantly. "Domo -- where you trying to get my attention?"
Ibiki looked about as humored as he ever did. "Kakashi, I'll get to the point. You have inappropriate feelings for your student."
Kakashi blinked. He thought he'd done a rather good job of hiding/ignoring them. He wasn't really surprised that Ibiki had caught on, though. "Aa, what about it?"
"Think of this as blackmail. I don't tell Tsuande-hime, and you help me retrieve my own interests."
Kakashi arched an eyebrow, and then smiled as pleasantly as he could under the circumstances. "Ebisu giving you trouble?" he asked. It wasn't intended as an attack on Ibiki. He had just happened to have overheard a rather panicked jounin babbling his head off to an unsympathetic genin team. They had not understood what that meant, but he had.
Ibiki frowned all the same. "I trust you understand the rules of engagement."
"Aa, Ibiki-san," he answered, nodding readily.
"Good."
Kakashi was somehow unsurprised when the scarred man promptly turned on his heels and strode away. He sighed as a breeze blew him into a gentle sway again. "Don't bother, Ibiki-san, I can get myself down," he said sardonically.
--
"He wants what now?"
Kakashi hummed as he lowered his book to take a good look at Naruto's expression. It was highly amusing. "Ibiki wants Ebisu's attentions."
"That is so wrong!" Naruto wailed, throwing a fit. "Ew!" he shrieked, fleeing from the front door. Kakashi watched in mild bemusement as Naruto did a dance of 'ew' through his house.
"So, you knew Ebisu," he said, overriding the sounds of disgust. "Is there anything you know that would help?"
Naruto paused, frowning. "Ebisu is a closet pervert!" he said brightly.
Kakashi stared. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"Harem no Jutsu -- it kills him dead!"
His eyebrows shot up, and his book sank. He'd heard about Naruto's evil secret technique, and had always done his best to avoid it. "You're going to teach Harem no Jutsu to Ibiki?"
That seemed to hold Naruto for a moment. He shuddered. "Ibiki and Ebisu?" he asked again, almost in a whine.
"What about it?" Kakashi asked. He didn't like to admit that he was feeling prickled over Naruto's continued disgusted displays.
"What about it?" Naruto demanded in high tones. "Have you looked at them?"
He gave his student a blank look, and brought his book back up, waving it slightly.
Naruto frowned. "Good point."
--
Kakashi was there the entire time Naruto was teaching Ibiki the jutsu. He had his back turned and was reading his book, and was thus judging the progress according to Naruto's very vocal responses.
When Naruto finally congratulated Ibiki on his success, Kakashi came back around from the tree he'd been hiding behind, eye firmly fixed on his book until he was certain they were both in their proper forms.
"Will that do?" he asked. He purposely left it an open question.
"That should work," Naruto said, nodding his head.
"It's acceptable," Ibiki said.
Kakashi snapped his book shut and tucked it away. "Good."
"Oh, Naruto, I'm not a generous kind of guy, but I'll give you a bit of information," Ibiki said, giving the blond a serious look. Kakashi blinked, curious. "Watch out for your sensei over there -- his intentions are less than pure."
With those words, Ibiki turn and left. Naruto gaped like a fish out of water, and Kakashi kept his face neutral. He had known when Ibiki had first approached him that no good could come of this. With a slight noise -- somewhere between a grunt and a sigh, Kakashi retrieved his book and stuck his nose in it, leaving the stunned Naruto on the field.
"N-ne! Kakashi-sensei! Wait a moment!" Naruto called as he ran after him. When he caught up, he fixed a frown on his teacher. "Hey, is that true? Or is Ibiki just playing with our heads?" he demanded.
Kakashi offered a wan smile. "With Ibiki, there isn't really any way to tell," he said vaguely, and patted the teenager on the head.
--
"Harem no Jutsu!"
Ibiki chortled to himself as he gathered the unconscious Ebisu up and threw him over his shoulder.
After all, Ibiki always gets what he wants.
-- El Fin
=D Lawlz