Always with you (One-shot)
Title : Always with you
Pairing : Sakuraiba, Matsumiya (slightly hinted)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : romance, drama, slight angst, character death
Summary :
2 years after his beloved's death, Aiba is left alone to reminisce their beautiful past.
(Lyrics from his solo 夜空への手紙）
Disclaimer: I don't own them, only the plot :)
Nanigenaku warai aeteru Itsumo to kawaranai yuugure mo
Casually laughing together On an evening that was the same as always
Nido to wa nai meibamen da Ima wa kokoro kara omou yo
It was a perfect scene that'd never happen again I feel that from the bottom of my heart now
Kata wo narabete Yurareteta Sakasama mitai na monore-ru de
On a monorail that seemed like it was upside down, we sat shoulder to shoulder, being rocked back and forth
Me wo tojitara Ano hi ni kaerenai kana...
If I close my eyes, I wonder if I can go back to those days...
“AHHHH!” Aiba woke up with a jolt. Panting and soaked with sweat, Aiba tried to calm himself down. It was just a dream. The tall guy sighed.
It was one of those nights again for Aiba Masaki.
“You would think I'd have gotten used to it by now, two years have passed after all. ” Aiba silently told himself, chuckling a bit. He sat on their bed for a while. Nothing but darkness and silence. Knowing very well that going back to sleep would be impossible, Aiba slowly got out of bed. He gathered his jacket, phone and keys before stepping out of the house.
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Aiba has always loved the location of their house. Although it was small, it was cozy nonetheless. He especially loved the front porch, where you could enjoy the view of the ocean a kilometer away. Feeling the cold night air breeze against his skin, he closed his eyes and smiled. He locked the door and proceeded to walk the path which he knew so well.
The sea was as beautiful as ever. The moonlight reflecting in the water, the cool breeze and the sound of the waves pushing and pulling somehow calmed Aiba down. He knew he could always count on the sea to cheer him up on nights like this. Inhaling the scent, Aiba walked closer to the water and sat down on the sand beside it.
Staring blankly into the water, a tear suddenly trickled down Aiba's eyes. “I'm crying again.” Aiba laughed at himself while wiping the tear with the back of his hand.
Aiba looked up into the night sky and he could see the stars twinkling brightly, calling his attention.
“Gomen ne, I told you I wouldn't cry anymore. You would probably scold me if you were here. Ne, Sho-chan?
Yozora miagete Matataki sagashita Mata au hi made miageteiru yo
Looking up at the night sky, searching for the twinkle of the stars Until the day we meet again,
I'll keep looking up at them
Sayonara wa ichido mo Iwanakattanda
I never said goodbye even once
Aiba continued sitting there beside the water. He loved the sea. Ever since, the sea and night sky had been his bestfriend. It helped him think a lot and calmed his nerves down each and every time. Come to think of it, the sea was also where me and Sho first met. Aiba thought, and suddenly memories of that day started flooding his mind.
He and his friends were supposed to go play Sumo tube that day. Since Jun wouldn't stop talking about it on their way home from work, Aiba and Nino absent mindedly agreed that it would be nice to take a vacation and try the sumo tube thingy.
Unfortunately when they did get to the beach, Nino and Jun suddenly got sick. Aiba, seeing the state they were in told them to just rest back at the hotel. He of course still tried to have fun, since he didn't want to take care of 2 sick bratty men. That was like going to hell.
Aiba , despite his friends' condition still went down to the beach by himself.
At first he regretted it, since he didn't like being alone. He felt so out of place since everyone else by the beach were with friends and loved ones. While Aiba only had himself. Stupid Matsumiya getting sick. I'm sure this is just part of their plan to have some alone time together or something.
Still sulking, Aiba walked to the part of the beach where there were not much people. He sat down near the water and wrote his name on the sand. “Masa..ki.... there! It's so hard to write Kanji on the sand though.” Aiba said to himself out loud.
“It sure is.” An unfamiliar voice suddenly said. Aiba was shocked to here the unfamiliar voice especially since the owner of the voice was practically whispering beside Aiba's ear.
Aiba glanced at his back and there stood a very handsome man with incredibly sloping shoulders. The guy was around Aiba's height, a bit shorter and he was a bit chubby yet hot at the same time. The guy stood there smiling at Aiba.
“Hi Masaki.” the guy said, “that is your name right? Or is that your boyfriend's name?”
“Oh, It's mine. Hello to you too...uhm?”
“My name is Sho. Sakurai Sho”
“Nice to meet you Sakurai-san.” Aiba bowed his head slightly, showing respect since the guy was clearly older than him. This made the latter chuckle. “Call me, Sho, Masaki”
Hearing him say that made Aiba a bit irritated. How the hell could you speak so casually with someone you just met. We're already on a first name basis? Although in the end, he just went along with it.
“Then, nice to meet you Sho.” Sho just smiled again showing his pearly white teeth before sitting beside Aiba on the sand.
“So, what brings you to this part of the beach Sho-san?” Aiba asked, surprisingly interested in the other guy.
“Oh, my friend Ohno left me a while ago to meet up with his girlfriend and I was left alone.” Sho said as he was also writing his name on the sand with his finger. “The crowd at the beach made me feel pathetic so I went here and accidentally saw how you were alone too.” Sho looked at Aiba. The look made Aiba's heart beat really fast, he had no idea why. He felt even more confused when Sho started laughing. “What? Why are you laughing so suddenly?”
“The look on your face just now,” Sho chuckled, “looked like you were in love with me.”
Aiba's face suddenly became red at the latters remark, “Baka! How can you be in love with someone I just met!” Aiba completely flustered suddenly stood up and started walking back to the main part of the beach.
“Ah! Wait up!” Sho followed after him, “Where are you going?”
“Somewhere away from you.”
“Hey now,” Sho blocked Aiba before continuing, “Look, I'm sorry okay? I was just teasing you since you were cute. I didn't mean to offend you.”
Aiba didn't look at the guy, he couldn't believe he was being teased buy a guy he just met.
“Look, I promise I won't do it again. Just don't leave me alone. It's boring to be by myself.”
Aiba who clearly didn't want to be alone either, agreed to continue hanging out with the latter.
Which eventually proved to be worth it, because Sho was actually a fun and nice guy. The two of them even played sumo tube together.
In the end, they exchanged numbers before going their separate ways.
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Come to think of it, I probably was already in love with Sho at that moment. Aiba sighed again for the nth time.
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From that moment on, Sho and Aiba gradually became closer. At first they would only exchange mails and messages,yet as time passed they started hanging out together as well. Although they just met once on a beach, having a conversation and hanging out with Sho still felt like the most natural thing in the world for Aiba.
Sho was a writer. Aiba remembered how passionate Sho was when it came to books. Sho would always have that twinkle in his eyes whenever he talks about his work and Aiba's heart would flutter everytime he saw him like that.
“Ne, Sho-kun.” Aiba started one day when they went out for lunch.
The other hummed a response.
“Do you know your eyes look like stars when you talk about work?” Aiba said absent mindedly.
“Stars?” Sho chuckled a bit, “Why did you say that Masaki?”
“Well because, it always twinkles. Like how a star twinkles you know?” Sho smiled at that innocent comment. He stared fondly at the man in front of him who took a bite of karaage.
Noticing Sho staring at him, Aiba suddenly panicked.
“Eh? Sho? Why are you staring at me? Do I have something in my face?” Aiba said as he tried to wipe his face clean with his hanky.
“No it's not that.” Sho laughed at the other's bakaness.
“Then what is it?”
“It's this.” Sho leaned to Aiba's face and stole a peck on his lips.
Dumbfounded, Aiba tried to process what happened. “Sho-chan, what was that?” Aiba asked still quite confused.
“Baka, it's called a kiss.” Sho who continued eating his food said as if it was the most normal thing to do.
“I know it's a kiss Sho, but why did you do that?” Aiba still dumbfounded at the other's actions.
Sho stopped what he was doing, sat up straight and looked into the other's eyes.
“Aiba Masaki, why do you think people kiss other people?”
“I don't know. Usually it's because they love each other?”
“Bingo.”
Aiba tilted his head to the side, still not getting what the other was saying.
“You are really such an air-head.” Sho face palmed before looking at the other again.
“Aiba Masaki, I like you.” he said with a serious face which caught Aiba off guard.
“Look, we've been hanging out for more than 3 years now. Don't tell me you still don't know about my feelings?” Aiba shook his head which made the writer sigh. How dense can one person be?
“Masaki, I'm serious. I really do like you. I mean it's obvious really. Why else would I always pester you to go out with me even if I could go out with other people instead? Why would I give you a stuff toy and chocolates every valentines? Why would I take you out for Christmas dinner every year ?”
“Isn't it because we're friends?”
“Baka, normal friends don't do that and I kinda thought you liked me too. Since you did give me that 100 white roses on my birthday one time.” Sho sighed, pushing away his food. He didn't have the appetite to eat anymore so he took out money from his wallet and put it on the table. He gathered his stuff, and looked at the dumbfounded guy in front of him again and said “I guess I was wrong.” before leaving the other alone in the restaurant.
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Aiba smiled at that memory. “I was so confused back then. I didn't know what love was. But eventually I came to my senses and I realized that I did like you back. Those several weeks that we didn't meet was like hell, at that point I knew I was throwing away something important. At that time I realized how important you were to me. Then we started going out after that, Ne Sho-chan?”
Aiba said to the night sky.
Tomo ni sugoshita Ano hibi ga Bukiyou na Ano yasashisa ga
The days we spent together And that awkward kindness
Kyou to Kyou no Kono boku wo tsukutte iru
It's creating this day and who I am now
Nan man kounen hanaretatte Kono koe ga kikoeru you ni
No matter how many thousands of light years we're apart, so that you'll hear this voice
Hanatsunda Motto Hikari kagayaite miseru yo
I'll sent off a light And I'll show you an even brighter brilliance
Ooku wa kataranai Yawaraka na Ano manazashi Wasurenai...
That gentle gaze that didn't say much I can't forget it...
Smiling at the old memories, Aiba could feel the night air wrap around him as if hugging him. “So much has happened ne? I can still remember the day that you asked me to live with you and then we found our little house here.” A tear trickled down the tall man's eyes again. His precious memories always made him sentimental. “I remember how we both loved it so much. We were far away from other people. Stuck in our own little happy world.” Aiba chuckled at the thought.
“I remember how much you loved sitting on our front porch and just staring at the night sky. I always sat down with you and you would always wrap your gentle arms around me. We always enjoyed our nights like that together. Clearly not caring about everyone else.” Aiba hugged his knees and looked at the calm sea. “You loved coming here too. We would walk for hours here on this beach, holding hands and never once letting go.” Aiba continued, “We laughed a lot ne Sho-chan? It was so fun.” He smiled remembering all the happy times.
But along with the happy times, came the sad times and Aiba couldn't stop the surge of sadness flooding him. For the first time that night, he let the tears flow out without stopping them. Sobbing, Aiba couldn't help but remember that horrible day.
The day that Sho became ill.
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“Sho-chan? Are you okay?” Aiba said caressing the other's back with worry in his voice.
“*Cough cough* Masaki... *cough* baby... I'm fine..Go back to sleep.” Sho looked at Aiba and he could see that Sho was definitely not fine. He touched Sho's forehead. “SHO YOUR BURNING!”
“I'm fine Masaki. *cough*” Sho kept coughing and Aiba didn't want to be so helpless. His lover needed him. So he went out of bed, gathered a basin filled it with water, he looked for a towel which he soaked with water. Then looked in the medicine cabinet to find medicine for the coughing.
He went back to their room and immediately what he saw made him drop whatever he was holding.
“Sho-chan, why is there blood?” Aiba rushed to his lover's side.
“I don't know Masaki.” Sho was shaking. Aiba felt so weak seeing his lover like this.
“I'm taking you to the hospital.” Aiba said, quickly gathering his wallet and keys. He took out his favorite jacket and wrapped it around Sho.
Carefully he helped Sho get out of bed and supported him until they reached the car. Once making sure that Sho was comfortable in his seat with his seatbelt. Aiba started the engine and rushed to the nearest hospital.
“My Masaki...is so..dependable.” came a voice from the weak Sho. “I won't have to... worry anymore even.if.I'm gone” Sho managed a weak smile. Aiba felt his heart twinge at those words. The mere thought of him losing Sho was unbearable.
“BAKA! Gone? What do you mean gone? You are not going anywhere!” Shouted Aiba. He didn't want to hear those words. He tried to push away the bad thoughts until they arrived at the hospital.
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“I'm so sorry to say this Sakurai-san, but you have only 1 month to live.” Aiba felt like his life was being drained upon hearing the doctor's words.
“Doctor? Are joking with us? What do you mean 1 month? What is his sickness?” Aiba asked quietly. Believing that the doctor just probably got something wrong.
“It's cancer Masaki.” Aiba turned to Sho, shocked at his words.
“Sho, what are you talking about? You can't have cancer. It's impossible.” Aiba touched his boyfriend's hand. “Ne, you have to calm down. It can't be cancer Sho-chan.”
Sho felt so miserable. He never wanted Aiba to know of this. The truth was, Sho already knew about his sickness a month ago. His whole world shattered into pieces when the doctor told him of his illness. He felt shitty and he couldn't believe how fucked up things got. He didn't even know what he did to deserve it, he blamed the whole universe for everything that was happening to him. He cursed everything for making him this way, for giving him this disease. “WHY ME?!” was always what Sho asked to the universe. He had so many things he wanted to do, so many dreams yet to be fulfilled and so many memories yet to make. He didn't want to accept his fate so he tried to fight. For his sake and for Masaki's sake, he tried getting treatments. But each and every time he would be met by negative results. Sho felt miserable, because he knew he was going to die, because he knew he was going to have to leave Masaki behind. He didn't want that. His sunshine, the one and only love of his life... he couldn't dare leave him. Aiba was his world and he was Aiba's world. The two of them depended on each other and Sho knew that the other wouldn't be able to take this news. He didn't want to leave Aiba ever, but Sho knew he had to accept his fate. He knew that he had to get ready and enjoy his life to the fullest before his time comes. That's why he hid everything from Aiba and just made sure to make him feel all his love during their remaining days. He did everything to make Aiba smile, to make him happy .
But the inevitable happened and now it has come to this.
“Sho. You have got to be kidding me.” Aiba felt his tears fall, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. “You knew about this?” Sho nodded. “For how long?”
“Around a month ago.”
“A MONTH AGO? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?” Aiba screamed.
“Aiba-san, please don't scream at the patient.” the doctor said, glancing worriedly at the two.
“When were you planning on telling me huh?” Aiba glared, “when you're already dead?”
Sho never saw Aiba this mad before. “I'm sorry.” was all he could say.
“SORRY? SORRY DOESN'T MAKE UP FOR THE TIME THAT WE LOST SHO!” Aiba screamed again.
“YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST TOLD ME! THEN AT LEAST I WOULD HAVE CHERISHED YOU MORE!” Aiba sobbed this time, not being able to hold back his anger and tears. “NOW WHAT? I ONLY HAVE A MONTH! WE ONLY HAVE A MONTH TOGETHER! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” Sho was crying too. He didn't know what to say. Indeed it was selfish of him to keep this from his Masaki, but he didn't want the other to get hurt.
"Aiba-san, please calm down."
Several minutes passed and all you could hear in the room were sobs.
Sho was the first to move after a while, he hugged the tall man beside him and the other man immediately hugged back, still in tears. “I'm sorry Masaki.”
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“Time flew by so fast after that. Everyday we were together. Everyday we would shower each other with love. Everyday we held each other, stealing sweet kisses and hugs.” Aiba was a bit calmer now. “Ne~ Sho-chan do you remember those words that you said to me on thay one night similar to this?”
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Sitting on the beach with Sho's hand wrapped around Aiba and Aiba's head on Sho's sloping shoulder, the two stared at the night sky. Taking in the beautiful scenery in front of them, because they knew that this might be the last. Sho's illness started to get worse each and everyday. They knew that the time was already near. They knew that sooner or later they had to say goodbye.
But Aiba didn't want to say goodbye. And Sho didn't want to say goodbye.
“Masaki.” Sho started.
“Hmm?” Hummed the other, enjoying the latter's warmth.
“We will never ever say goodbye okay?” This made Aiba look at Sho's face, not clearly getting what he was trying to say.
“Even if I do leave this world, I want you to know that I'll always be with you, okay?” Sho caressed the man's face lovingly memorizing every inch of it.
“Sho-chan” Sho knew this time his lover would cry so he wrapped him in his arms again. He knows how hard Aiba tries to be strong. After that encounter in the hospital, Aiba never cried again in front of Sho. He kept trying to look strong in front of the writer but deep inside Sho knew he was falling apart.
But this time, Aiba couldn't hold it in anymore. He sobbed into the man's chest holding tight to his dear lover not ever wanting to let go. It took an hour before he was able to gather up the courage to speak again. He looked at Sho and this time it was his time to memorize his face. He touched every inch of Sho's face and body. He memorized how every inch of him looked like. How it felt to touch his full lips , his sloping shoulders. How it felt to touch his warm and protective hands. He memorized everything so that he will keep everything in his memory forever. This made the older guy chuckle, knowing well what the other was thinking.
Taking out his phone, he pulled Aiba to his side and took their picture.
“This will be for you, to remember me. Masaki, I will always be here with you. No matter where you are. I will be there.I will be the star in the night sky, the breeze that brushes against your skin and I will be the ocean that calms your nerves” Sho stared at his Masaki and held his hands.
“I love you Aiba Masaki, forever and always.”
Aiba smiled.
“I love you too Sakurai Sho, forever and always. To infinty and beyond.”
The two laughed at that, knowing that Aiba just took the line from the movie Toy Story
“Sho-chan?” Aiba looked at Sho's eyes which started twinkling again. “Thank you.”
“For what Masaki?”
“For everything. For loving me, for your kindness, for your bakaness. Basically, thank you for being part of my life.” Aiba paused for a bit before continuing, “I know that you don't probably want to hear this, but I don't think I'll be able to love another again. I promise I'll continue living my life for the both of us. I promise I'll shine for the both of us, but I can only love you. No matter happens I will only love you.” Aiba said with a serious face. This touched Sho. He was happy to hear the latter's words.
“Masaki thank you. But I want you to know, that if you do meet someone and you do fall in love with him, it's fine with me. I want nothing but your happiness.” Sho smiled. “and I want to thank you too, for being the sunshine in my life. For bringing happiness into my boring world. For never making me feel alone. I have lived my life to the fullest because you have been by my side. I'll continue watching over you, no matter what happens and although I am far away, I will do everything to continue sending my love to you.”
The two of them sat there hand in hand staring at each other's face, knowing that this could be the last.
“Wait for me okay Sho-chan? I promise I'll come meet you there one day. I promise I'll send my love to you from here so that you never feel lonely even when you're there.”
“I'd like that Masaki.”
“Pinky promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
They smiled at each other, no more tears fell because they knew that although this maybe the last time together but this definitely wasn't their end.
Someday and somewhere, they knew they would meet again.
Yozora miokutte Ashita ni mukatta Mata au hi made terashite ite yo
Seeing off the night sky, I greeted tomorrow Until the day we meet again, it'll keep shining
Donna kodoku na yoru mo Hitori janainda
No matter how lonely of a night it is, you're not alone
Asenai omoide Kienai kotoba Hatasenakatta yakusoku
Memories that don't fade, words that don't disappear, promises I couldn't keep
Sono subete wo dakishimete Sono hi made Hashitteiku
Holding on to all of it, I'm running to the day I'll see you again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“And here I am Sho-chan. 2 years after you're gone. Although I can't say that I'm shining, at least I'm keeping my promise to always do my best for the two of us.” Aiba looked up into the night sky, “I can still feel you,you know? Wherever I am, and whatever I'm doing, I know you're there.”
“There are times when I feel lonely and nights when I wake up to nightmares of you leaving me, but I know I'll be fine because you're still here with me.” Aiba smiled.
Owareru you ni Sugite itta Hibi no naka Miotoshite ita
Through all of the days that I'd been running after you, I'd overlooked it
Itsudemo Sugu Aeru you na ki ga shiteta
All along, I'd had the feeling that I could meet you soon
Terekusaku tte ienakatta Dakishimete sakebi takatta
Embarrassed, I couldn't say it But I wanted to hold you close and scream it out
“Takusan no ai wo, yasashisa wo, arigatou”
“Thank you for all the love and kindness you gave me”
Finally feeling better he stood up, brushed the sand off his clothes. The night breeze brushed against his skin, the moon reflected in the water and waves pushed and pulled. The stars twinkled brightly in the night sending off a light. Aiba smiled at the scenery. He closed his eyes capturing the moment once more before walking back to their humble abode.
Ready to face a new day with the strength that his lover has given him once again.
Tomo ni sugoshita Ano hibi ga Bukiyou na Ano yasashisa ga
The days we spent together And that awkward kindness
Kakegae no nai Kono shunkan wo tsukutte iru
It's creating this precious moment
Nan man kounen hanaretatte Samishiku nanka nai you ni
No matter how many thousands of light years we're apart, so that you won't be lonely
Hanatsunda Zutto Hikari kagayaki tsudzukeru kara
I'll send off a light One that will continue to shine forever
Kasuka ni nokotta Saigo no Ano nukumori Wasurenai
That faint warmth you left me before you died, I won't forget it
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Author's note * Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~ Finally done with this one-shot :) I've wanted to write this fic ever since I heard Masaki's new solo. I seriously fell in love with the song. It's been a while since Aiba sang a slow song after all. Then when I saw the english translation, I cried. Hahahaha! I mean, I knew it was a sad song but I didn't expect it to be THAT sad.
Sorry for killing Sho in this one :( It was seriously hard T_T huuuu.
Anyway, this one-shot is a bit long. So I hope you guys enjoy it! :)
If you guys find any errors and such, feel free to tell me!
Credit : Song lyrics and translation came from yarukizero