The Bitter Hug of Mortality | R | Chapter One

[meh_forget_it]

Chapter One

James hitched his fifteen month old son, Charlie, in his arms as he paced in the corridor outside of the hospital room his wife was currently giving birth in. His best friends, Sirius and Remus were watching his pacing with amusement, though all three men flinched a little when Lily gave another pained yell.

"Is it supposed to be taking this long? It didn't take this long with Charlie. Do you think something is wrong? What if something is wrong?" James asked, smiling weakly at Charlie when the boy babbled wordlessly and patted his face.

"I'm sure it's fine. They would have told you if there was something wrong, James," Remus told him soothingly, though all three men glanced at the door when there was another almighty yell and then an ominous silence.

Just before James could go into a panic and storm the room to find out what had happened, they all heard the sound of a baby crying.

"I should go in there. Sirius, hold Charlie for me, would you? We'll call you in when Lily says it's okay!" James said, handing his son to Sirius before he ran into the hospital room.

As soon as he entered, he saw his beautiful wife holding their newest child in her arms, a wide smile on her face when she saw James standing in the doorway.

"James! Come meet your youngest son, Harry," Lily said, shifting slightly so that James could see a shock of jet black hair and pink skin.

"A son? I have another son? He's so cute!" James gushed, hurrying over and gently taking Harry out of Lily's arms. He smiled widely before frowning when Harry's eyes blinked open and he blearily looked in James' direction. "Is there… is there something wrong with his eyes?"

With that question, there was a flurry of healers and nurses entering the room, and James and Lily only able to sit there and watch as their son was examined by seemingly every healer in the hospital. After what felt like a lifetime where they knew nothing and could only hope their son was okay, the head healer walked over to the bed Lily was lying in and cleared his throat, gaining their attention.

"Mr and Mrs Potter-"

"What's wrong? Is there something wrong with Harry? Is he going to be okay?" Lily asked urgently, not letting the healer actually tell them what he knew.

"There is something wrong with Harry's eyes, like Mr Potter thought. I'm sorry to have to tell you, but your son has aniridia, which means that he has no iris. Now, we can't tell you how this will affect him as he grows up, but we can tell you that he will be photophobic."

"What does that mean?"

"He won't be able to take in lots of light so make sure he's kept in low-light rooms and as he gets older, you'll need to make him wear sunglasses and hats whenever he's outside. Sadly though, this is also a sign of something else."

"What do you mean? There's something else wrong with him?" James asked, looking over the healer's shoulder to where a nurse was holding Harry.

"Yes, well, with degenerative diseases such as these, they are generally a sign of something else. You see, our magic makes us immune to most muggle genetic illnesses and so when a child is born with one… I'm afraid to tell you, Mr and Mrs Potter, but your son being born with aniridia is a sign that he may be a squib."

The next year, it was safe to say, was full of strife and stress. Not only had they been told that their youngest son was possibly a squib and could also go blind if put into bright light, but their oldest son was the target of the current Dark Lord and had forced the four Potter's to go into hiding.

On Harry's first birthday, everything came to a head and the Potter's were betrayed to Lord Voldemort. It just so happened however, that both Lily and James had had to leave their sons with a babysitter - and given Peter was the only one who knew where they lived, they had to trust him with their sons - as they had to meet with Dumbledore to discuss their youngest sons future as it had been confirmed the month before that he was indeed a squib.

The Potter parents had only been gone for thirty minutes when Peter, who was getting a little freaked out by the youngest Potter as he kept staring at Peter like he knew what he was going to do, gave a small shuddering sigh and jumped up to open the front door.

"M-master." Peter moved aside to allow a tall, serpentine looking man with bright red eyes and a malevolent aura enter the house. The man just sneered at Peter and walked into the hallway, pausing in front of the living room, where the two Potter children were playing.

Well, Charlie was playing. Harry seemed to be just listening to something only he could hear and freaking out Peter.

"Pettigrew. I assume the two older Potters are away?"

"Y-yes, master."

"Well done. Unfortunately, I have no need for someone who will be as wanted as you will soon be. Avada Kedavra," Voldemort watched emotionlessly as Pettigrew's body dropped to the floor, the horrified expression frozen on his face in death. Without giving his now dead follower a second thought, Voldemort pushed the door to the living room open and stepped inside, pausing when he noticed both young Potters sitting in a large play pen.

Both boys stopped what they were doing when Voldemort entered the room and turned to look at him, the youngest shakily stood on his legs and toddled over to lean on the side of the pen nearest to Voldemort. Voldemort stared at the small child and gave a small thought as to why the boy had a pair of dark sunglasses on before he turned his attention to the prophecy child, Charlus Potter.

"Ba Wormy!" Voldemort glanced at the younger child, a child Pettigrew had told him was a squib, and frowned when he noticed the child was now pouting at something only he could see, and Voldemort suddenly felt a shiver run up his spine. There was something very wrong with that child.

"Charlus Potter. It is said you will be my downfall. Shame I got to you before you could really grow into your power. Still, I'm not heartless, I'll leave your squib brother alive," Voldemort muttered with another wary glance at the supposed squib who was now babbling at something else he could only see and was paying no attention at all to his brothers soon to be demise. "Perhaps you could have grown to be something incredible. Shame I can't allow that to happen. Avada Kedavra"

It happened in a matter of seconds, so fast that Voldemort barely managed to grasp what had happened, but just as he uttered the words that would kill Charlus, the younger of the two gave a delighted scream and reached for the green light. However, he was too small and too slow, and the spell hit Charlus' forehead, making the older toddler scream in pain. Unfortunately for Voldemort, that wasn't the end of it as the spell suddenly rebounded, Harry giggling and clapping happily over his brother's wails of pain and the sudden scream of rage and pain that Voldemort gave as his rebounded spell hit him and made his body disintegrate. His soul lingered just long enough for him to hear the strange Potter child's parting words before he fled the scene.

"Ba ba, Tom!"

"Harry! Harry, baby, come here. We need to go to Diagon, honey, so I need to put on your hat and glasses," Lily said to her youngest son, who was currently sitting facing the corner in the family library seemingly whispering to himself.

After that night, where their little Charlie had defeated Lord Voldemort and almost destroyed their house in the backlash of magic, they had decided to move away from the bad memories and move into the ancestral Potter Manor - a place James hadn't originally wanted to live in as he'd claimed it was too large for their small family. Though when Sirius and Remus had both said they would move in with them as live-in babysitters, they had all thought it would be the best plan.

So now, five years down the line, the four Potters and the two godfathers of their children were all happily living in the Potter Manor, and Lily couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt whenever she saw her beautiful little baby boy. Her baby boy that was unlucky enough to have been born magicless in a family of powerful wizards.

Of course, Lily tried to treat him the same as she treated her other children, herself and James having been blessed with a pair of twin girls - Rose and Dahlia - two years ago, but there was a small voice in the back of her head that whispered that there was something very wrong with Harry. And it wasn't the fact that he could possibly go blind if he went outside without sunglasses and a hat on.

Harry was very quiet for a six year old. He preferred his own company and was very soft spoken. He was a beautiful little boy, with milky white skin and jet black hair that, thankfully, wasn't cursed with the Potter crows nest mess. His eyes, when they weren't hidden behind dark glasses, made a shiver go up her spine though. The fathomless black depths always seemed too old for the baby face they were set in and she was sure he knew things no child should ever know.

Despite all this though, Lily loved him just as much as she loved her other children and perhaps deep deep down, she favoured him a tiny bit. But she couldn't help but fear she was being cruel to him by keeping him in a world he couldn't truly be a part of. She wondered if her friends were right and it would be kinder to just give him away.

"Mummy? Cad said to embrace Charlus' skill with snakes. He said it would be silly to fear it," Harry told her quietly, standing there placidly as Lily knelt in front of him to place his darker sunglasses on and a small sun hat on his head.

That was another thing that made Lily wonder about her little boy. He knew things that no one else knew about before they happened. And he had, invisible friends was the only term she could think of that fit best and even then it didn't seem right. However, Harry spoke of these people like they were real and they apparently told him things that helped both herself and James at times. She wondered what was going to happen that day with Charlie that Harry seemed important to prepare them for. Or 'Cad' had at least.

"Okay, honey. You know we'd never fear anything you or your siblings could do, right? Come on then, baby boy, let's get to the floo room, hopefully Daddy, uncle Padfoot and uncle Moony have managed to get your brother and sisters ready, hmm?" Lily said with a smile as she picked up her tiny - because he really was and Lily was beginning to worry about his growth development as well now - son and carried him to the floo room. She gave a small sigh of relief when she saw that her husband and their friends had indeed managed to corral their kids together in time, and with a small warning for Harry to hold his breath, she flooed them both to the leaky Cauldron.

Hearing her oldest child hissing at a small snake in the petshop made Lily feel like someone had injected liquid ice into her veins and she couldn't help but think back to the almost whispered warning Harry had given her. Somehow he had known that Charlus was a parcelmouth and it would possibly be discovered that day. However, she also remembered that she had told Harry she wouldn't fear any talent they had and seeing Harry standing next to his big brother, watching her with a wary air about him, she realised this would show him whether she meant what she said or not.

So, taking a deep breath and looking around to make sure that no one else was paying attention - just because she wasn't going to fear it, didn't mean the rest of the wizarding world wouldn't vilify her son for it - Lily walked over to her two sons and knelt down next to them so she was at a similar height to them.

"Have you made a friend, sweetie?" Lily asked quietly, looking at Charlus who was looking from Harry to her with a mix of guilt and fear on his face.

"Cad said you should get Charlus the snake. He said it'll help. Charlus, you should get the black snake. He'll help you," Harry added with a small nod, getting a mirroring nod from his older brother, who carefully stepped passed Harry an stood in front of a tank with a small jet black snake in it.

"Are you sure about this, Harry? Charlus? Do you think you'll be able to look after him? He'll be your responsibility," Lily said, not entirely sure about the whole thing but then, Harry had never set her wrong yet. And yes, she was well aware of the absolute insanity of taking advice from a six year old boy.

"Harry said Cad said I should! Cad knows, mummy! I promise to look after him! Honest!"

"Okay then, sweetie. Is there anything in here that you'd like, Harry? I think you're old enough for a pet as well, if you want one."

"No. I'll get one when I'm older. Cass says I'll need one to stay in touch," Harry whispered, his attention once more on something just over Lily's shoulder and no longer on her. Lily couldn't help but feel a small sense of foreboding in those words.

In fact, it was only James insisting that there'd never been a seer in the Potter family and the talent generally didn't show in squibs that put Lily's fears that her son had the curse of foresight to rest. She was still adamant that there was something unusual about Harry though, she just didn't know what.

As the years passed and it came nearer and nearer to the time when Harry wouldn't get the letter every wizarding child excitedly waited for the night before their eleventh birthday, Lily found herself spending more and more time with Harry. Though admittedly, they weren't always doing anything together. In fact, Harry loved to just sit silently in the library, leaning against Lily's legs as she read - sometimes aloud and sometimes to herself - and Lily would admit that perhaps she was showing that Harry was her favourite. Not that she didn't love all her children, just Harry was special.

Plus, she knew that Harry would one day be sent away from her and she'd possibly never see him again. James, Sirius and Remus all already distanced themselves from Harry. It pained Lily to see that James clearly no longer saw Harry as his son. That Remus no longer viewed Harry as his cub and godson. The only bright side that Lily could see was that it didn't seem to affect Harry. If anything, he seemed to have expected it to happen.

As Harry's eleventh birthday loomed ever nearer, as they all waved Charlus off for his first year, and then second year at Hogwarts, all knowing that Harry wouldn't be going, Lily felt fear rising in her throat. The time she'd have to give up her baby was getting closer and closer, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She knew James was a pureblood and had been raised as one, as much as he didn't show the same prejudices that many purebloods did and that he didn't seem to follow the old ways, Lily knew James had the same view on squibs that every pureblood did. They were worthless and a blight on the family tree. And they were to be sent away as soon as possible. By their eleventh birthday at the latest.

So Lily made sure she spent as much time with Harry as possible, teaching him and the twins - because it was just practical to teach her daughters at the same time - all the muggle subjects she could think of that she had some basic knowledge of and buying Harry any books she could think of that would help him. She felt a burst of pride every time Harry breezed through a subject until he surpassed what she could teach him.

And then, by the end of October of Harry's eleventh year, Lily at least felt assured that she had taught Harry everything he would need so he wouldn't be behind in the muggle world. Now she just had to wait for the time James brought up the inevitable.

"Lily, I know you don't want to hear it, but we've got to discuss what to do with Harry. It isn't fair to keep him in our world anymore. His Hogwart's letter never came and in three years time he'll be forced to watch his sisters go to a school he'll never be able to go to as well. Lils, I think… I think we're being cruel to him, forcing him to live surrounded by something he'll never be able to use." Lily closed her eyes in despair as she listened to James, aware that what he said was the truth. However, she didn't want to abandon her baby. She just knew that her little boy wasn't like other muggles and squibs and he wouldn't be accepted in that world either.

"I know what you're saying, James, but he's my baby."

"I know, Lils. He's my son too, you know? But every day we thoughtlessly use magic in front of him, taunting him with something he can't use. And his siblings will all soon be going to a school he can't go to. Getting jobs in a world he won't be accepted in. He can't stay here, Lils."

"I can't give up my baby, James."

"What then? We can't keep him here! It's not fair!"

"I… I know."

"Good. So we can just… Dumbledore told me of a couple of nice orphanages that would take him in. Apparently they're both run by squibs and are where families tend to leave any squibs born in their family. They'll take him in and… and teach him what he'll need to know to succeed as a muggle-"

"No."

"Lils! You just agreed to give him up!" James said, exasperation clear in his tone.

"No, I never. I said we can't keep him in the magical world, I said nothing about just abandoning him and making him feel as though we don't want him anymore."

"Than what, Lils? What other option do we have? Your sister? She hates you and she'll hate Harry too!"

"I know! I wasn't even considering Petunia. However, I have an aunt. Well, she's my great-aunt actually, but we've kept in touch. She was the only one outside of Pet and my parents that knew I was a witch. She claimed she always knew. Anyway, I can contact her and ask her if she'll let Harry live with her. That way… that way, I can still keep in touch with him and he'll still be my son."

"If you're sure, Lily."

"I am. Aunty Sylv will take good care of him and this way he'll be alb to stay in touch with us. Obviously we'll have to set up a monthly stipend to pay her so she and Harry can comfortably live without having to worry about money. I'll contact her in the morning and then we'll have our answer."

"And if she can't take him in?"

"Well… then I guess we'll have to leave him in one of the orphanages Dumbledore recommended," Lily whispered, frowning as she thought of her old headmaster. She didn't trust him. He'd been trying to convince her to get rid of Harry since they'd learnt he was a squib and he was far too interested in Charlus for her comfort. However James near idolised the man and wouldn't hear anything against him. She prayed that her aunt would be able to take Harry in, that way at least one of her children were out of that man's grasp.

A week later and the day Lily had dreaded had arrived. Thankfully her aunt had come through and had said she would be delighted to take Harry in. Even when Lily had told her of Harry's medical issues. In fact, Sylv had almost demanded that she leave Harry with her, reassuring Lily that she'd love her son like he was her own.

So here Lily was, all Harry's clothes and belongings in a couple of trunks, shrunk in her pocket, and Harry held tightly on her hip as she apparated to her great aunt's house. She reluctantly knocked on the door, glancing at Harry - who was silent as usual and gave off a solemn aura - before turning back to the door when it opened and a short, thin lady in her sixties with dyed light blonde hair and kind pale blue eyes stood there, smiling widely at them.

"Lily! And this must be little Harry! Come in, both of you! Would you like something to drink?" Sylv asked, leading them through the small cottage, into the front room, motioning for them to take a seat.

"A glass of water for us both would be great, thanks Aunty Sylv," Lily said, taking a seat on a comfortable two seater faux leather sofa and shifting so that Harry could disentangle himself from her and take the seat next to her. "You okay, honey?"

"Yes. Will Erebus get here soon?" Harry asked quietly, shifting closer to Lily even as he twisted to look at the window behind them as though looking for the owl Lily had bought him two days before.

"I don't know, honey, but I shouldn't think it'll take him too long to get here. And you know to use him to send us letters, okay? I want to hear about everything you do," Lily told him, smiling sadly when he just nodded silently and twisted back around to sit properly as Sylv walked into the room with a tray in her hands.

"So, you two! Given there's only about a month of term left in school, I spoke to the headmaster of the local primary school and he was happy to interview Harry and hopefully get him started in the spring term, in January. I also spoke to him about Harry's disability, but he said it was nothing to worry about and he'd speak to Harry's teacher about any needs Harry might have," Sylv told them after they'd got the pleasantries out of the way and had finished getting caught up about random and senseless things.

"Is it a good school, do you know?"

"It is. And there are a couple of secondary schools nearby that he'll be going to next year, each of them having good ofsted reports. One is a private school that you can test to get in to, but we can cross that bridge when we get there. Of course you'll be free to visit any time you like, unless we're away, and I'll teach Harry the ropes of my bakery. Maybe teach you how to bake, hmm, Harry?"

"Ant says that would be fun," Harry quietly said with a small smile before looking away once more at something in the corner of the room. Lily just glanced from him to Sylv with a small, slightly strained smile on her face.

"Harry, baby, why don't you go look at your room? I just want to talk to Aunty Sylv about something, then we'll come up with your things, okay?" Lily asked him, smiling when Harry just turned to look at her and then nodded.

"It's the room on the left at the top of the stairs. It's currently light green, but we can redecorate it to your liking next week, okay?" Sylv told him, getting another nod from Harry before he left the room quietly.

Lily waited until she could hear Harry's quiet steps up the stairs before she turned to Sylv, who was staring at her, waiting for whatever it was Lily wanted to talk about.

"Harry's… he's not like any other child I know. He's quiet and he… he knows things that no one should be able to know. If it was possible, I'd say he was a seer, but it's not. Plus he doesn't show any other signs. I just… I worry about him. I know he'll be fine, but I swear he sees things and hears things that aren't there. And he talks about people I've never met and I know Harry can't have met. I wonder if they're imaginary, but then they seemingly tell him things he can't know about. I know everyone says he's just a squib and I'm well aware that James has brushed his hands of him, but deep down, I know there's something about Harry. I don't… I don't think he's human," Lily admitted for the first time, finally just letting out all of her fears and thoughts about her youngest son, and hoping she didn't just come across as totally insane.

"Lily… what do you mean?"

"He's not a squib. I don't care what anyone says, but I know he's not. I just don't think he has magic like I do. You'll see what I mean as you get to know him, but Harry has this aura to him that screams of creature inheritance. I got the goblins to secretly look into the Potter family tree for me, for any possible creatures that maybe Harry could have inherited the blood of, but they couldn't tell me anything. Apparently the Potter's changed their name from something else several generations ago, but the goblins don't know what it was. Just, will you treat him like he's normal? Don't make him feel like he's a freak or something, please?"

"You know I wouldn't do that, Lily. Now, what do you mean you did this secretly? What's going on with James?"

"He's a pureblood. Purebloods wipe their hands of squibs. Harry's lucky that I forbade James from disinheriting him and striking him from the family tree. I told James that I'd leave him and take the kids with me if he did that, so Harry will still have a vault of money in Gringotts if he ever needs it. Oh, I've set up a monthly payment of two thousand pounds, but if you need more for anything at all, then just let me know and I'll transfer it to you!"

"Lily, that'll be more than enough. In fact, I'll probably set up a savings account and put the excess in there for Harry to use when he's a bit older. I'm guessing, from what you just said, that James won't be visiting with you at all."

"No. I think he was relieved when it was finally time for Harry to leave. Honestly, I'm relieved, but only because it means Dumbledore won't be able to control one of my children. The other three, I fear for. Luckily, Dumbledore doesn't know anything about you and James wasn't interested enough to find anything out, so he won't be able to find you."

"Why would that be a worry?"

"Dumbledore is… he's very influential in the wizarding world and sadly, he's seen as some sort of second coming. He can do no wrong and everyone turns a blind eye to his faults. And let me be honest, he has many faults. He's controlling and he likes that everyone views him as the Light Lord. I fear for my oldest because Dumbledore is far too interested in him and I'm worried that he sees Charlie as his weapon in any upcoming war. I'm scared about my little girls when they go to Hogwarts and the only relief I've got is that Harry is away from any influence."

"I assume James sees Dumbledore as faultless?"

"You assume right."

"Well, I'll keep Harry as safe as I can and I'll raise him to not suffer any fools, don't you worry about that. And of course, you can bring your other children here every summer to get them away from that mans influence, if only for a few days a year."

"That's true. Thank you for this, Aunty Sylv. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't able to take him in," Lily admitted in a quiet voice, glancing over at the door Harry had left through as she felt a stab of fear that he'd be taken away from her.

"I'll treat him like he's my own, Lily, have no fear there."

"When he's seventeen… traditionally, wizards and witches come into a sort of inheritance on their seventeenth birthday where their magical core increases and those that have dominant creature blood in their veins will transform, so to speak. On his seventeenth, I think whatever he is will come to light. If, for whatever reason I can't be here, can you just make sure he's safe in his room and don't let anyone in there, okay? And if it's a physical change, then either send me an owl so I can put a glamour on him or owl the goblins and they'll know what to do. Keep him safe, Aunty Sylv. I'm no seer, but I have a feeling deep inside that he's special. And I'm scared for him."

"I'll keep him safe, Lily. And I'll make sure he knows you did what you could to protect him. Whatever happens, I'll try to make sure he's prepared for it however I can."

"Thank you. We'd better head up to Harry now as I'll need to leave soon. I don't trust Sirius not to burn down the house, especially when he's alone with the twins."

Prologue | Chapter Two

A/N - Aniridia is indeed an ailment that means you are born without an iris. It can lead to several degenerative eye problems, such as long/short-sightedness, blindness, cataracts and other things, but in Harry's case, as it's probably been made aware by now, it isn't aniridia in the muggle sense of the term. It's also a sign of a necromancer, but seeing as the Peverell brothers were the last known necromancers and all information since has vanished, then no one knows this.

Also, contrary to many fanfics, the average height of a male in Britain is about five foot nine (I think, it might be taller now, but it was certainly nearer that in the nineties). Harry is, admittedly, shorter than that and he won't grow taller than five foot four. However, this doesn't make him a freak and it's actually quite a normal height. My dad was only five foot four for example. You'll later learn a bit more about necromancers and find this is also a normal height for them. So no reviews about how Harry's freakishly small. Or about how I'm making him small so he'll be the submissive/bottom in a slash relationship. FYI, I could make Harry eight foot and he'd still be the bottom in a relationship. That's how I write him. Being short does not make you meek and mild. Like I said, my dad was five foot four and he was anything but meek and mild. He was a black belt in karate, a weapons master and Scottish. Enough said. XD So yeah, just heading off any whiny reviews about Harry's height. They're boring and I really have better things to do than read them. Cheers!

Next chapter there'll be a big time jump to where Harry's an adult. I'm not going to write his school years because he'll be going to a muggle school and I think we all spent enough years there to get a basic idea of what he went through.