Sabriel Tuesday!!
Title: Meet Derek, my three-eyed, seventeen toed miracle child
Author: meh_forget_it
Rating: G
Pairing and/or Characters: Gabriel/Sam, Dean, Castiel,
Spoilers: None really. Well, knowing who Gabriel is in canon possibly helps a little. Is that even a spoiler any more?
Warnings: None, just freaking randomness…
Word Count: 873 words
Summary: In which Gabriel questions some… popular tropes in fanfiction. Much to the distress of the Winchester brothers
Notes: I honestly think I wrote this in my sleep… which makes me wonder what the bloody hell I was dreaming at the time…
"What is the probability of a man giving birth?" Sam glanced at Dean - who shrugged and looked as baffled as Sam felt - before he looked over at Gabriel, who had miraculously been kept out of trouble by amusing himself on Sam’s laptop. Really, Sam should have been concerned over what the Archangel was doing long before now.
"With you around? Pretty high," Dean muttered, going back to sharpening his knives with only a brief pause to send Gabriel a wary look, his hand moving to his stomach almost of it’s own will before he apparently realised what he was doing and went back to his task. Sam held back the snicker when he noticed Dean’s cheeks flushing with mild embarrassment.
"Okay, yeah, I’ll give you that. But if you were take away outside arch-celestial help…" Gabriel muttered, still not having actually looked away from whatever was grabbing his attention on Sam’s laptop, which given the current topic of conversation, Sam wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to even know.
"Ignoring that arch-celestial isn’t a word, then it’s impossible," Sam said, finally getting a reaction out of Gabriel when he looked up from the laptop to narrow his eyes at Sam. Something that made Sam feel ever more nervous and actually made Sam hold his stomach as well. Because sometimes, as much as he enjoyed sleeping with the archangel, Sam was reminded that Gabriel was also Loki. And the bastard would find it hilarious to knock Sam up.
"Yeah, thought so. Now, ignoring that and stretching our menial imaginations to the point that we believe men can conceive…"
"Gabe…" Sam muttered warily, looking back to Dean, who had no given up on even pretending his task at sharpening weapons was keeping his attention and getting a nervous - though slightly amused - look back.
"Sam, hush. Now, in this world of suspended belief-"
"I’m deeply disturbed?" Dean interrupted, quickly looking like he regretted it when it meant Gabriel’s attention was on him.
"Don’t need to suspend belief for that, Deano. But back on track - if we ignore the fact that men can’t conceive. How is it that a baby conceived by two brothers having highly illegal - and quite frankly very hot - sex, isn’t horribly disfigured and has three eyes and seventeen toes?" Gabriel asked and Sam couldn’t have held back the groan for all the money in the world.
"What are you talking about?! Wait… what are you doing on my laptop?" Sam asked warily, wondering if the answer would make him want to salt and burn his precious laptop. Judging by the look on Dean’s face, he’d already decided the outcome of the laptop’s fate.
"Reading." Gabriel’s answer went part way to confirming Sam’s fears - and his laptop’s future.
"Reading what?" Sam was actually glad Dean decided to ask that, because Sam wasn’t currently sure he would be able to speak without whining or possibly whimpering.
"Fanfiction…"
"Sammy? We’re burning the laptop. We can get you a new one. It’s a sad loss, but it’s needed. Burn it, Sammy. Burn it well."
"Gabe… give me the laptop. I need to… I feel unclean and need a shower," Sam admitted, shuddering exaggeratedly when Gabriel looked at him with a smirk on his face.
"What? It’s very interesting… though why people think angel’s lay eggs completely baffles me. We’re not birds."
"It’s the wings-why am I having this conversation? Sammy! I’m not kidding! Burn the laptop… Am I still the bottom in every relationship with Sam?" Sam gaped at his brother when Dean stood up from his bed and moved to sit next to Dean.
"In a majority, yep! And for some reason, in the ones that have me and Sammy knocking knees, I’m mostly the bottom? Why does no one seem to accept that Sammy begs-?"
"Dude, too much information…" Dean muttered, interrupting Gabriel before he gave out information that would have scarred Dean for life.
"Honestly though, why do we lay eggs?!"
"Told you, it’s the wings."
"But… my wings are made of electricity and lightning. And aren’t wings in the conventional feathery way that humans seem to think. And even if they were, where in the Bible did it say 'and an angel of the lord promptly swatted in the front room and shat out an egg. Behold! The wonders of the Lord. For it was wonderous and possibly scarring… and the vessel probably wished he didn’t come out of this alive…'? Where? Human’s are strange," Gabriel muttered to himself, whilst Sam eyed the newly sharpened knives on Dean’s bed and pondered over the benefits of digging into his ears to make what he heard undone.
"You have a point. Wait, wait, go back! That story! What?! Dude, who thinks I would consider sleeping with you?! I have standards!!"
"Castiel!!! Cas! Please! I need you to take me away! Please, Cas!!!" Sam begged out, praying for someone to take him away from the madness and finally accepting - with a heavy heart - that God had clearly forsaken him once Dean and Gabriel started a conversation on how incompatible they would be and then argued over who would be the top. Sam’s life had apparently just reached all new lows.
End Notes: So, I didn’t make write this to insult anyone and I hope no one took it that way, because yeah… like I said above, I actually found this written on my memo pad on my bedside table, so I don’t actually recall writing this and it’s only because loveinstars finds my sleep-written stories so amusing that I post them on Sabriel Tuesdays. So yeah, I’m not knocking any fics that have any of these tropes (though, really? How come genetics doesn’t also get taken into account in mpregs? Ignoring the fact it’s a male that is pregnant…) and I sort of really don’t want to know what I was dreaming a the time I wrote this… *snort*
Hope you enjoyed and that I didn’t step on any toes!! It was all written in jest as I see Gabriel as someone who’d read these fics and then use them to mentally terrorise the brothers… *grins*
Author: meh_forget_it
Rating: G
Pairing and/or Characters: Gabriel/Sam, Dean, Castiel,
Spoilers: None really. Well, knowing who Gabriel is in canon possibly helps a little. Is that even a spoiler any more?
Warnings: None, just freaking randomness…
Word Count: 873 words
Summary: In which Gabriel questions some… popular tropes in fanfiction. Much to the distress of the Winchester brothers
Notes: I honestly think I wrote this in my sleep… which makes me wonder what the bloody hell I was dreaming at the time…
"What is the probability of a man giving birth?" Sam glanced at Dean - who shrugged and looked as baffled as Sam felt - before he looked over at Gabriel, who had miraculously been kept out of trouble by amusing himself on Sam’s laptop. Really, Sam should have been concerned over what the Archangel was doing long before now.
"With you around? Pretty high," Dean muttered, going back to sharpening his knives with only a brief pause to send Gabriel a wary look, his hand moving to his stomach almost of it’s own will before he apparently realised what he was doing and went back to his task. Sam held back the snicker when he noticed Dean’s cheeks flushing with mild embarrassment.
"Okay, yeah, I’ll give you that. But if you were take away outside arch-celestial help…" Gabriel muttered, still not having actually looked away from whatever was grabbing his attention on Sam’s laptop, which given the current topic of conversation, Sam wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to even know.
"Ignoring that arch-celestial isn’t a word, then it’s impossible," Sam said, finally getting a reaction out of Gabriel when he looked up from the laptop to narrow his eyes at Sam. Something that made Sam feel ever more nervous and actually made Sam hold his stomach as well. Because sometimes, as much as he enjoyed sleeping with the archangel, Sam was reminded that Gabriel was also Loki. And the bastard would find it hilarious to knock Sam up.
"Yeah, thought so. Now, ignoring that and stretching our menial imaginations to the point that we believe men can conceive…"
"Gabe…" Sam muttered warily, looking back to Dean, who had no given up on even pretending his task at sharpening weapons was keeping his attention and getting a nervous - though slightly amused - look back.
"Sam, hush. Now, in this world of suspended belief-"
"I’m deeply disturbed?" Dean interrupted, quickly looking like he regretted it when it meant Gabriel’s attention was on him.
"Don’t need to suspend belief for that, Deano. But back on track - if we ignore the fact that men can’t conceive. How is it that a baby conceived by two brothers having highly illegal - and quite frankly very hot - sex, isn’t horribly disfigured and has three eyes and seventeen toes?" Gabriel asked and Sam couldn’t have held back the groan for all the money in the world.
"What are you talking about?! Wait… what are you doing on my laptop?" Sam asked warily, wondering if the answer would make him want to salt and burn his precious laptop. Judging by the look on Dean’s face, he’d already decided the outcome of the laptop’s fate.
"Reading." Gabriel’s answer went part way to confirming Sam’s fears - and his laptop’s future.
"Reading what?" Sam was actually glad Dean decided to ask that, because Sam wasn’t currently sure he would be able to speak without whining or possibly whimpering.
"Fanfiction…"
"Sammy? We’re burning the laptop. We can get you a new one. It’s a sad loss, but it’s needed. Burn it, Sammy. Burn it well."
"Gabe… give me the laptop. I need to… I feel unclean and need a shower," Sam admitted, shuddering exaggeratedly when Gabriel looked at him with a smirk on his face.
"What? It’s very interesting… though why people think angel’s lay eggs completely baffles me. We’re not birds."
"It’s the wings-why am I having this conversation? Sammy! I’m not kidding! Burn the laptop… Am I still the bottom in every relationship with Sam?" Sam gaped at his brother when Dean stood up from his bed and moved to sit next to Dean.
"In a majority, yep! And for some reason, in the ones that have me and Sammy knocking knees, I’m mostly the bottom? Why does no one seem to accept that Sammy begs-?"
"Dude, too much information…" Dean muttered, interrupting Gabriel before he gave out information that would have scarred Dean for life.
"Honestly though, why do we lay eggs?!"
"Told you, it’s the wings."
"But… my wings are made of electricity and lightning. And aren’t wings in the conventional feathery way that humans seem to think. And even if they were, where in the Bible did it say 'and an angel of the lord promptly swatted in the front room and shat out an egg. Behold! The wonders of the Lord. For it was wonderous and possibly scarring… and the vessel probably wished he didn’t come out of this alive…'? Where? Human’s are strange," Gabriel muttered to himself, whilst Sam eyed the newly sharpened knives on Dean’s bed and pondered over the benefits of digging into his ears to make what he heard undone.
"You have a point. Wait, wait, go back! That story! What?! Dude, who thinks I would consider sleeping with you?! I have standards!!"
"Castiel!!! Cas! Please! I need you to take me away! Please, Cas!!!" Sam begged out, praying for someone to take him away from the madness and finally accepting - with a heavy heart - that God had clearly forsaken him once Dean and Gabriel started a conversation on how incompatible they would be and then argued over who would be the top. Sam’s life had apparently just reached all new lows.
End Notes: So, I didn’t make write this to insult anyone and I hope no one took it that way, because yeah… like I said above, I actually found this written on my memo pad on my bedside table, so I don’t actually recall writing this and it’s only because loveinstars finds my sleep-written stories so amusing that I post them on Sabriel Tuesdays. So yeah, I’m not knocking any fics that have any of these tropes (though, really? How come genetics doesn’t also get taken into account in mpregs? Ignoring the fact it’s a male that is pregnant…) and I sort of really don’t want to know what I was dreaming a the time I wrote this… *snort*
Hope you enjoyed and that I didn’t step on any toes!! It was all written in jest as I see Gabriel as someone who’d read these fics and then use them to mentally terrorise the brothers… *grins*