(no subject)
UPDATE:
School = amazing. first hour TA. 2nd math. 3rd government. 4th english. and im DONE! i love my teachers. i love my classes. and i love the friends i have in my classes. all is well :). i have a feeling senior year is going to be the BEST year. im stoked. leaving for lunch is amazing. only working 3 hours a day is even better. im one happy camper.
except for today however. im starting to realize certain things. about certain people. and it just makes me sick. i hate how i get so wrapped up in things. and people feel the need to take there drama and problems and push it on to me. people have just been making me feel REALLY bad about myself lately. and i really shouldn't take it. but of course i do. i think it doesnt hurt. and i just brush it off...but its really hurting me lately and i dont know how to change it. i was SO happy just a couple days ago. heck, just yesterday. and then stupid things occur. when people get upset over tiny things. it makes me feel like a horrible person. and now its like the relationship is weird. and the sad thing is its not just with one person. its a whole bunch of people. ugg. i was so upset at lunch today. we all went out and i just listened to my ipod and sang, trying to put on a happy face. but its not easy. when the people that are making me feel this way are there as well. ugggg. i just want to have something. i dont even know what im trying to say? i just want to not have to worry about stupid things. i want it to go back to the way it was. the way it used to be. things were SO good then. and i didnt care about anything. it was a time when i was honestly ALWAYS happy. it was a spur of the moment. hang out. fun, amazing, BEST times. do whatever. laugh. smile. act stupid. random days that i loved. where did they go? now i feel fake. like i have to act like somebody in front of you... cant i just be myself? i just dont understand what made all of you change. what made me change? what made this. ahh! i dont even know what im trying to say.. im just rambaling on. its like im happy one day. and in the blink of an eye its all changed.
dont get me wrong. i still love being a senior. i love my classes. and i most definitly love my friends. i truely do have some of the BEST friends i think possible. but its just frustrating that i can be this upset over nothing i can really put into words. how do you make me feel that? i just dont understand.
im hoping. that just as fast as i got this upset and frustrated and sad... everything will go back to normal. i guess i can only hope.
on the other side. its friday :)...hopefully tonight will be fun?