(no subject)
I just realized whats going to happen after this week. Saturday will be the last day I will ever play with my team again. I will never see the same faces every week at practice. I will never get to joke about our millions of inside jokes with the same girls again. I will never have the same traditions with certain people before each at bat, or after every out. I will never be made fun of for some of the stupid, random things i say. I will never be called minivan from the people that were the "founders" of it. I will never beg certain people to come pick me up for practice because i can't drive..and even though im out of the way they do it. I will never spend a whole weekend with the same softball girls. I will never play on the field with the same team i have been playing with for the past year. I will never get to laugh about the stupid times we have all had. I will never get to reminse about our crazy team trips to Las Vegas, Flagstaff or New Mexico. I will never get to act so incredibly dumb and not care because i know they will laugh and make fun of me, all out of love. I will never be able to spit seeds at certain people, and have people spit seeds at me, but laugh when one lands in our mouth. I will never get to "miss" a base during one of my home-runs and laugh about it. I will never be able to laugh about how "fast" of a runner i am, and how i steal bases. I will never be able to "pretend" to be mad and walk away, but everyone knowing that im really not mad and just waiting for me to return. I will never be able to laugh and be made fun of because of my laugh.I will never get to do my "herman" jump. I will never be able to have the same people pick me up when i screw up, or make a mistake, or if im just having a bad day. I will never get to laugh about the same things that these crazy girls do. I will never get to do any of this again and it just hit me really hard today for some reason. This week is going to be my last week of practice with these girls. Saturday will be the very last day that we will all be in the same dugout together, that we will all play as one team. It will be last of everything...We will never be able to feed off of eachother and win tournaments or games together. Its scary to think that i have spent SO much of my time, my laughter, my tears, my smiles, my anger, my sadness and my life with these girls and within a week its going to end...I didn't think it was going to be this hard. I didn't think that I would be this sad. I didn't think any of this would happen, but it did. I have spent every week and almost every weekend with these girls, and all of a sudden its just going to stop? I have become best friends with some of these girls. I have spent more time with them then i have my best friends at school. I have told some of these girls things i have never told anyone. And its just going to end. I wonder if im the only one feeling this? Are my the only one that is going to cry? Am i the only one that realizes whats really going to happen? I just pray that i will still hang out with some of these girls again. I just hope we don't loose contact. I hope we can still laugh together, cry together, and act stupid together. I hope that none of the millions of the memories that have been created will ever fade away. I hope that none of them will never forget me, because i know that i will never forget them. I hope and pray and wish for so many things. Maybe im over exaggerating. Maybe its not that big of a deal. I mean i am going to join a new team. Im going to meet new people. And Im going to create new inside jokes. But how could i forget about my old team. I couldn't theres just no way. I have spent so much time with each and everyone. Theres a list of inside jokes, i couldn't even write them all down, if i had to it would become a book...a thick book. Its just going to be hard, not to see all of them every week. Sure i have had fights with certain people, i have disliked people and people have disliked me at times but we have all worked through it and in the end we are all a team and have overcome all of our differences and now that we have become a team, a close team...it seems like its all going to end. I wish there was something i could do. I wish i could make everyone stay. I wish i could create a team. It would be perfect. But nothings perfect, and I dont always get my way. I will have to learn how to live without them all. I will have to learn to fit in on a new team.I'll probably never see some of these girls again expecially the ones who live in florence, or hayden...all these thoughts are just rushing into my head and it makes me sad to think about it. I know everything happens for a reason. and I know that in the end everything will be okay. I know that the people that i have become best friends with will always be there for me, and i will always be there for them. I know that those close good friends that really care, will never go away, we will hang out. But its just going to be different. Seeing them in the other dug out, on the opposing team. Playing against them, instead of with them...it will be hard. But I know that in the end it will be okay I just have to believe...and thats all I can do. But i want to say that i love my team with all my heart, each and everyone of you has a special place in my heart, i have an inside joke with all of you. I will never forget the great times, great weekends and great trips i have spent with any of you. None of you will ever be forgoten, ever... each and every one of you has helped me mature, learn more about myself, helped me through life struggles. And i want to tell you that you are all amazing individuals each and everyone of you...never forget it. Thanks for everything, you may not know it but in some way or another you have all done something for me, and I am truely blessed to meet and be able to play with you all. So thank you...Thank you all...
That was extremley long, and i know none of you will read it. I also know that most of the people this is dedicated to wont read it because they don't talk online. But its okay, this journal was for me to get my feelings out, and it worked.