(no subject)
I'm back at school. Spring break was pretty dumb. I worked up until I thought I was going to Florida but that didn't happen as you know. So the only good thing that came out of not going to Florida (or so I thought) was that I was going to get to see all my friends cuz we would all be home Easter weekend. But no, I didn't see anyone. Blah..sad. During the week I did hang out with Charlene which was fun and later on we went to Alicia's with Louie..haha.
I went to Providence Thursday-Saturday morning. That was interesting. Thursday night we drank and my brother came over too which was nice. I didn't feel hot so I went to bed kind of early. Friday we layed around ALL day watching tv and being lazy. I didn't feel too hot and I was tired and didn't feel like drinking. So it got to the afternoon and Dave gave me some ridilin to wake up. So I took 6 the first time, and kept taking more over time. Since they're not time release, like the aderall I take sometimes, I thought that it wears off quicker. So I took them alot and periodically. Basically by early morning Saturday I had had 21 ridilin. I tried going to bed Saturday cuz I was sick but couldn't fall asleep because my heart was beating too fast and I couldn't stop thinking. All you do is talk or think when you take ridilin. So I woke up and Dave couldn't sleep either. So I talked his ear off. It's weird cuz you know you are talking a mile a minute and probably annoying the other person but you seriously can't help it. I realized alot from all the time I spent thinking when I tried to go to sleep. What I thought of was everything every event that has happened in my life that I have suppressed in my mind because it makes me so upset. I knew I was doing it but I couldn't stop. Especially the Alicia thing. Like seriously, I'm not trying to make anyone feel pity for me or anything. But I am honestly THE worst friend ever created. I have done nothing good for her after her operation and just have changed so much. Not necessarily that I could help it, but even now a days once in a while she reminds me of it. I'm not very stable as it is anymore, and just realizing something that I purposely black out made me feel really bad. Blah.
I drank while I was blabbing and I had atleast 10 beers by the morning. I didn't go to bed that night and it was definately impossible even if I really wanted to. But I didn't feel really drunk after drinking. I think I was too busy talking to even notice. So I had to go back to Connecticut Saturday. Michael came and got me on his way home. He told me that I was talking like a crack addict a mile a minute. I responded by throwing up 2 times in the car ride home. Woo hoo. I crashed as soon as I got home and my mom thought I was really drunk or something. I was able to sleep, suprisingly, for about 2 hours. My heart would not stop going crazy. I went back to bed a few hours later then I woke up and puked up a lot of bile because I hadn't eaten anything in 2 days. Eating is the last thing you think of when you take ridilin. I didn't think it would effect me the way it did, because it's used for the same reasons aderall is. When I take aderall I just calm down and focus on a task, but ridilin made me go crazy. My heart didn't start being normal again until Monday. Crazy.
So basically that was my break. No friends but lots of drugs and alcohol. I hope my summer is not like that, but I wouldn't exactly doubt it anymore.
I went to Providence Thursday-Saturday morning. That was interesting. Thursday night we drank and my brother came over too which was nice. I didn't feel hot so I went to bed kind of early. Friday we layed around ALL day watching tv and being lazy. I didn't feel too hot and I was tired and didn't feel like drinking. So it got to the afternoon and Dave gave me some ridilin to wake up. So I took 6 the first time, and kept taking more over time. Since they're not time release, like the aderall I take sometimes, I thought that it wears off quicker. So I took them alot and periodically. Basically by early morning Saturday I had had 21 ridilin. I tried going to bed Saturday cuz I was sick but couldn't fall asleep because my heart was beating too fast and I couldn't stop thinking. All you do is talk or think when you take ridilin. So I woke up and Dave couldn't sleep either. So I talked his ear off. It's weird cuz you know you are talking a mile a minute and probably annoying the other person but you seriously can't help it. I realized alot from all the time I spent thinking when I tried to go to sleep. What I thought of was everything every event that has happened in my life that I have suppressed in my mind because it makes me so upset. I knew I was doing it but I couldn't stop. Especially the Alicia thing. Like seriously, I'm not trying to make anyone feel pity for me or anything. But I am honestly THE worst friend ever created. I have done nothing good for her after her operation and just have changed so much. Not necessarily that I could help it, but even now a days once in a while she reminds me of it. I'm not very stable as it is anymore, and just realizing something that I purposely black out made me feel really bad. Blah.
I drank while I was blabbing and I had atleast 10 beers by the morning. I didn't go to bed that night and it was definately impossible even if I really wanted to. But I didn't feel really drunk after drinking. I think I was too busy talking to even notice. So I had to go back to Connecticut Saturday. Michael came and got me on his way home. He told me that I was talking like a crack addict a mile a minute. I responded by throwing up 2 times in the car ride home. Woo hoo. I crashed as soon as I got home and my mom thought I was really drunk or something. I was able to sleep, suprisingly, for about 2 hours. My heart would not stop going crazy. I went back to bed a few hours later then I woke up and puked up a lot of bile because I hadn't eaten anything in 2 days. Eating is the last thing you think of when you take ridilin. I didn't think it would effect me the way it did, because it's used for the same reasons aderall is. When I take aderall I just calm down and focus on a task, but ridilin made me go crazy. My heart didn't start being normal again until Monday. Crazy.
So basically that was my break. No friends but lots of drugs and alcohol. I hope my summer is not like that, but I wouldn't exactly doubt it anymore.