it's up to you, but if you leave soon i will follow

[megz_711]

i'm tired
i feel so torn
and scared
i'm not sure where to turn
because i fuck everything up
i've ruined every aspect of my "life"
nothing seems to be coasting anymore
i've lost any ability to talk of metaphor
i'm blunt and shameless
i always thought different
could i buy you a drink
cause then we could talk
why do i have to wear the pants
why do i have to do the talking
you pretend too much
you deny too much
and this wasn't supposed to be about you
dammit
i'm just as scared and just
as uncertain
actually probably more so
when you leave will the phone calls stop
will you learn to leave for good
will you learn to live completely without me
could you really
i never questioned the things that didn't seem possible
but now i have no choice
now i have to be real and honest
now i want to cry and run
i don't want to be nice anymore
my heart feels like it's imploding
i thought i was getting better
but the words
the very words that proceed from my mouth
are the ones i can't listen to
the ones i want to run from and ignore
the ones that make me hurt the most
i've put up such a front
that now i'm stuck in this mess
now i lay awake at dawn
now i can't see straight
not anymore