(no subject)
This is a convo i had on messenger with a friend of mine...interesting what just comes out. :
.contact. says: i just know that God has so much in store for me but i don't know what that is...i went to meet my practicum teacher today and I dunno...it was weird .
.Megs. says: haha i seriously wish you knew that i can relate and note jsut saying it cuz its the thing to say.
.contact. says: i don't know where i fit... ya, I know you can
.Megs. says: oh man, it's .......yeah i dotn know what to say...the only thing we can do is cling to GOd...even if we are "far" or "distant" from him....and you dont feel like doing it
.contact. says: i get these moments of excitement...like at youth last nite, where I can sense God,then I neglect him the next second..i just feel like a failure and I know he doesn't see me that way but yet, I can't accept that and i just don't know what to do about thsi "bob" stuff...I don't want to hurt him...but I feel like I am i have this "ideal" taht I'm clinging too....but it needs to go
.Megs. says: you know what...it soudns like you have to figure out your rel with God first before anything will make sense your trying to do it all on your own
.contact. says: ya, i know, i am
.Megs. says: then stop.
.contact. says: i don't know how
.Megs. says: *easier said than done i know* ya you do...
.contact. says: i try to give him control and then I pick it back up b/c I don't see "results"
.Megs. says: ha it istn' about "results' seek first the kingdom of God... how can you "let it go"
.contact. says: but what am i supposed to do...there is this guy who is nuts about me and he won't wait forever
.Megs. says: if you dotn have an active rel wit God its' not about guys...you won't have an answer until your first seeking the kingdom...not all spiritualy either...just real raw life with God...how can we have clarity in anything if were not clear with God and his character and his life in us
.contact. says: i know...
.Megs. says: speaking to myself too...huh
.contact. says: no, it's what i need to hear .
Megs. says: i knwo we "know" , yet we dont do it
.contact. says: i so desperately want to seek God....but I feel hindered somehow and it's ME that's hindering it, my own selfishness
.Megs. says: and "ideals' atleast with me
.contact. says: ya, ditto on that one
.Megs. says: just stop. like times like this, instead o fthinking thinking...God what am i to do what a m i to do..... i'm not where i want to be with God....just pray...not about that perhaps...but just to him abou him read about him. learn. seek. that will eleviate the "i'm soo distant from God" which is the flippin root of problems
.contact. says: ya it is, i know that I have to focus on that
.Megs. says: and it will take time too, we won't see results tomorra
.contact. says: i know....and i'm so freakin impatient
.Megs. says: i think that's the thing, that's something i learned at cape too...it takes time...and things that we do know won't efrect us now but maybe next week or soemtime down the road
.contact. says: and i can't get that thru my thick skull
.Megs. says: see right there. stop. yeah you can, work on it
.contact. says: that's just it....it sickens me that I know that but it's like I don't "care" enough
.Megs. says: obviously you do, it just takes practice and there you are again "I suck"
.contact. says: i just feel like i can't and I KNOW that's a cop out .
Megs. says: i know...but the truth is you can't
.contact. says: i know i can't do it on my own strength
.Megs. says: stop trying...striving for God....your only pushin yourself farther, not even the can't do it on my own strength thing.... its just you really can't
.contact. says: i can't what?
.Megs. says: do it on your own...you cant force yourself to be closer to God...you can't strife..its not about work
.contact. says: that's what I have the hardest time with, i feel like I don't "know" how to get closer to God...there is no "formula"
.Megs. says: nope there isn't and i find that the formulas that are out there dont necessarily work... just seek him...through pray...intercession ...reading the bible...we expect this huge revelation and turn around which can happen but our rel with God is a faith based one...stop thinking about all that you "Know" and just meet with God