Freaking Out Is Fun To Do
Why is it that strong destructive (I'm not going to say completely negative, but usually negative) emotions like panic, rage, self-loathing and hopelessness can be so tempting? I think it's the surrender of control. Sometimes I feel like I do nothing spontaneously, like I'm constantly checking and double checking everything in my mind. Sometimes I just want to let go of it all. One would think that it'd be just as easy to let go into, say, joy or something, but maybe when there's so many legitimate concerns, it's a downhill slide to get to panic.
Why yes, I have started preparing for exams, and no, I don't have a summer job yet. How'd you guess? Sigh. It really isn't that bad. I have almost two months until summer break, and there are still a lot of work options out there, both paid and otherwise. My schedule has quite obligingly lessened substantially for the next two weeks, as we're done with legal writing and my international law course is on a planned two week break. I only have three exams this semester, compared to four last semester. I've arranged to meet regularly with awesome people to study. There's just always more that I could do, and the urge to compare myself to others is so difficult to resist. I just have to remind myself about the Schwarcz Curve and I feel better.*
Blah! It'll be fine. Really. Life actually is quite good. It's just... uncertain, and I don't like uncertainty. Something about that whole "control" thing, I'm sure.
The reading for tomorrow's Practice and Professionalism course focuses on the lawyer's role as a counselor, and the idea that people's actions are motivated by either physical or psychological needs. I find the whole idea of examining people's motives to be really interesting, though I suspect that sometimes people just act by default, doing things because it's what they've always done, and not out of any particular motivation at all. I thought I had more to say about that, but I guess I don't.
* My contracts professor showed us this graph during orientation and again right before finals that basically said that the amount of work you put in will only get your grade to a certain spot, and after that point that there's a plateau followed by a decrease in grade from further studying. The difference in grades once you hit that plateau is pretty much due to some people just being smarter than others (when it comes to that particular subject, at least). I think this depressed some of my classmates, but I actually find it very comforting.
Why yes, I have started preparing for exams, and no, I don't have a summer job yet. How'd you guess? Sigh. It really isn't that bad. I have almost two months until summer break, and there are still a lot of work options out there, both paid and otherwise. My schedule has quite obligingly lessened substantially for the next two weeks, as we're done with legal writing and my international law course is on a planned two week break. I only have three exams this semester, compared to four last semester. I've arranged to meet regularly with awesome people to study. There's just always more that I could do, and the urge to compare myself to others is so difficult to resist. I just have to remind myself about the Schwarcz Curve and I feel better.*
Blah! It'll be fine. Really. Life actually is quite good. It's just... uncertain, and I don't like uncertainty. Something about that whole "control" thing, I'm sure.
The reading for tomorrow's Practice and Professionalism course focuses on the lawyer's role as a counselor, and the idea that people's actions are motivated by either physical or psychological needs. I find the whole idea of examining people's motives to be really interesting, though I suspect that sometimes people just act by default, doing things because it's what they've always done, and not out of any particular motivation at all. I thought I had more to say about that, but I guess I don't.
* My contracts professor showed us this graph during orientation and again right before finals that basically said that the amount of work you put in will only get your grade to a certain spot, and after that point that there's a plateau followed by a decrease in grade from further studying. The difference in grades once you hit that plateau is pretty much due to some people just being smarter than others (when it comes to that particular subject, at least). I think this depressed some of my classmates, but I actually find it very comforting.