February in a Nutshell
Oh 2010, quit being so difficult. It's not that bad, I suppose. My big worry for the semester was that I'd do poorly last semester and thus feel insecure about this semester, or that I'd do so well that I was paranoid about slipping up. As it turns out, the issue has been that I'm just not as engaged. I guess that's a bit to be expected - I had some really amazing professors last semester, plus there was the whole "this is shiny and new and awesome" thing. Also, there's the job search.
I say that I hate looking for jobs and people smile and nod. Who likes looking for jobs, after all? Well, I really mean it. The last (and first) time I was in the position of serious job hunting was after I graduated from Macalester. Saying that it didn't go so well is something of an understatement. Now all those feelings are coming back, and it's a real bitch. That said, it's not as bad as all that. I feel like I have a number of options and a couple loose fallback plans. There's this aura of panic lying over the law school (and the legal profession as a whole, I suppose) that I'm trying to ignore. It works sometimes. Last week I had some serious anxiety issues, but I seem to have gotten through them.
I'm not putting the sort of preparation into my classes this semester as I did last semester. I think the size of the classes has a fair bit to do with it, and the professors, and the subjects. Last semester I really enjoyed constitutional law, was interested in contracts and civil procedure, and really enjoyed my professors for all three (torts was meh). As for this semester, I'm just not especially interested in criminal law, am turned off by my professor in property (which as a subject I find both difficult and boring), and while I do enjoy international law, still feel like I'm on shifting ground when it comes to my grasp of the material. The first draft of our legal writing memo is due on Thursday. I don't have as much of a start as I'd wanted, but I'll get it done. I've got most of the next three days to work on it, and I intend to put a solid amount of work in each of those days. No doubt I will be up quite late on Wednesday, regardless.
Socially... I don't know. I'm feeling both more social and more isolated at the same time. I'm reasonably comfortable with where I am right now, I suppose. Interesting that anxiety, which has been an issue recently, isn't necessarily the same issue as insecurity. I'm feeling closer to one friend and more distant from another, while a third is transitioning to leaving the state, possibly for good. More than anything, I'm really glad that my mom is in MN now. We've been meeting for brunch almost every weekend and it's really wonderful. I won't be going back to CA over spring break, which is a drag, but not the end of the world. As it is, it'll probably be a more restful week than it would have been, and I already have plans for three parties (one that I'm throwing).
So February has had some rough patches, but overall, things continue to move forward. And that's good.
I say that I hate looking for jobs and people smile and nod. Who likes looking for jobs, after all? Well, I really mean it. The last (and first) time I was in the position of serious job hunting was after I graduated from Macalester. Saying that it didn't go so well is something of an understatement. Now all those feelings are coming back, and it's a real bitch. That said, it's not as bad as all that. I feel like I have a number of options and a couple loose fallback plans. There's this aura of panic lying over the law school (and the legal profession as a whole, I suppose) that I'm trying to ignore. It works sometimes. Last week I had some serious anxiety issues, but I seem to have gotten through them.
I'm not putting the sort of preparation into my classes this semester as I did last semester. I think the size of the classes has a fair bit to do with it, and the professors, and the subjects. Last semester I really enjoyed constitutional law, was interested in contracts and civil procedure, and really enjoyed my professors for all three (torts was meh). As for this semester, I'm just not especially interested in criminal law, am turned off by my professor in property (which as a subject I find both difficult and boring), and while I do enjoy international law, still feel like I'm on shifting ground when it comes to my grasp of the material. The first draft of our legal writing memo is due on Thursday. I don't have as much of a start as I'd wanted, but I'll get it done. I've got most of the next three days to work on it, and I intend to put a solid amount of work in each of those days. No doubt I will be up quite late on Wednesday, regardless.
Socially... I don't know. I'm feeling both more social and more isolated at the same time. I'm reasonably comfortable with where I am right now, I suppose. Interesting that anxiety, which has been an issue recently, isn't necessarily the same issue as insecurity. I'm feeling closer to one friend and more distant from another, while a third is transitioning to leaving the state, possibly for good. More than anything, I'm really glad that my mom is in MN now. We've been meeting for brunch almost every weekend and it's really wonderful. I won't be going back to CA over spring break, which is a drag, but not the end of the world. As it is, it'll probably be a more restful week than it would have been, and I already have plans for three parties (one that I'm throwing).
So February has had some rough patches, but overall, things continue to move forward. And that's good.