On Funks and Law School
I've been in a funk for most of the day. It's a combination of a number of things. I got back from volunteering in El Paso on Saturday, an experience that was very good, but also extremely draining on a number of levels - I slept very poorly, drank too much (which partially contributed to the sleeping poorly), was around other people 24/7, was exposed to a number of moral quandaries revolving around the way our government treats immigrants, and had to deal with the stress of getting to know several people in very close quarters in a very short period of time, and yet feeling unable to talk about the one thing we had in common (law school) as my experience (generally positive) has apparently been quite different from theirs.
So yes, I'm quite tired. On top of this, I realized quite suddenly that I need to start paying attention to job hunt for the summer, and I need to do it about two weeks ago. Sigh. I don't even know what my grades were (though these applications are apparently grade blind), I hardly have any idea what's available out there, and I HATE writing cover letters. Hate. It's an exercise closely tied to memories of failure and depression, as the last time I was seriously job hunting was the summer of 2005 to early 2006, a period which was hands down the worst time of the entire decade, and possibly the worst year of my life since I was in junior high. Not exactly a time I enjoy reliving.
I can't wait to go back to school, though I'm nervous about it too, especially after this last week. I felt so out of touch with these other students. I'm not saying that law school isn't difficult, and that I don't relate to the feeling of being cut off from everyone else in our lives, or how frustrating it is when everything else that one used to do (writing, reading for fun, exercising) has to take a back seat for school work. At the end of the day, though, I really do believe that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I went into the law building for a meeting yesterday and smiled just being there. I had such a hard time last semester with self-esteem, worrying that everyone hated me for speaking up so often. This next semester all of my classes are combined with other sections, including the sections of the people on this trip. Will that make those feelings come back even worse?
Oh, and on top of that, my computer (the personal one) is seriously malfunctioning. I can start it in safe mode and that's it. At least I managed to get my data off of it, but it's still one more thing that I don't need.
So yes, I'm quite tired. On top of this, I realized quite suddenly that I need to start paying attention to job hunt for the summer, and I need to do it about two weeks ago. Sigh. I don't even know what my grades were (though these applications are apparently grade blind), I hardly have any idea what's available out there, and I HATE writing cover letters. Hate. It's an exercise closely tied to memories of failure and depression, as the last time I was seriously job hunting was the summer of 2005 to early 2006, a period which was hands down the worst time of the entire decade, and possibly the worst year of my life since I was in junior high. Not exactly a time I enjoy reliving.
I can't wait to go back to school, though I'm nervous about it too, especially after this last week. I felt so out of touch with these other students. I'm not saying that law school isn't difficult, and that I don't relate to the feeling of being cut off from everyone else in our lives, or how frustrating it is when everything else that one used to do (writing, reading for fun, exercising) has to take a back seat for school work. At the end of the day, though, I really do believe that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I went into the law building for a meeting yesterday and smiled just being there. I had such a hard time last semester with self-esteem, worrying that everyone hated me for speaking up so often. This next semester all of my classes are combined with other sections, including the sections of the people on this trip. Will that make those feelings come back even worse?
Oh, and on top of that, my computer (the personal one) is seriously malfunctioning. I can start it in safe mode and that's it. At least I managed to get my data off of it, but it's still one more thing that I don't need.