This is such a pity........
I really want to go visit my cousin, like a lot. Ever since my mom told me about what happened, I've been thinking about her a lot. About all the times I saw her when we were kids. About when things started going bad. How she hated my aunt and how her brother wrote his suicide note when he was about eleven. Of how she was the only cousin that was almost the same age as me. Of how I've missed her so much over the years. Of how much I wished I could've seen her over the years. Of how much I really love her, even though I haven't spoken to her in so long. Of how I know how she's feeling. Of how I wish so badly I could talk to her and let her know I'm feeling the same way. Of how much I want to help her and how I've wanted to every since she was kicked out of my aunt's house. Of how the last time I saw her I was nine and she was twelve. Of how thinking of her laying in that hospital bed makes me cry so much and of how her life has been so hard. I want to see her and let her know that I never forgot her and how she was always my favorite cousin. I want to give her a hug and see how much she's changed. I want to know her and I want to make things better for her. I remember when we were both little and both soo happy and I wish I could take us both back to those times, when things were easy and death never seemed like the only answer.