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so it worries me that no one has said anything about chuck...it worries me because i know the next phone call i receive is the one i am dreading the most...the one that i never thought that i would hear... i heard that his mom is playing his messages for him...i only hope that what all we are thinking will not happen...i keep thinking that he will just make his grand entrance better than ever...but i know that won't happen...it's almost a simple way to think...but without hope there is nothing...i heard scizzor sisters song again the one that goes " who will take your momma out all night" i miss chuck more than anyone of you can understand...i'm sure all of you are in the same place that i am but really...i was his friend....i remember our special time at our spot along the potomac...it's the one that he took only his special friends too...it was a beautiful spot...if you went there you were lucky...it's a beautiful place...there are broken pieces of what can only be described as greek statues possibly roman statues...it is there that we both described of our perfect man...i know my thoughts are broken but go with it...chuck and i would go to the silver diner and just talk about how lonely we were...how we were both looking for mr. right...we always would talk of our lost love...we would talk about how we would dread valentines day...he knew that my best friend had asked me when we were 17to have his kids....he respected that but also asked me my opinion on what if he asked me to have one of his kids...i remember this because we were in this bar in a bookstore somewhere in dupont circle...now i wish i had said i would be more than happy too...so that there would be a part of him to go on...is this wierd? the one thing that i will never forget is that at the lazy susan he created the two characters i played...he was my director...and without him i am lost....without him i don't know that i will be the strong actor that i could've been...if he should let go...the void in my soul is what will motivate me to be the actor that i can be...he surely is missed even now...even though he is not gone...i miss him...i want more than anythin to be cast in Oklahoma...but without him there by my side as my mentor i don't know if i can do it...i only hope he knows how much i care about him and how much i truly miss him...without him i could've never become the actress that i am now...