(no subject)
The nerve of some people! You'll never believe what just happened to me! Well, you probably will but still... it was rude! The moment I stepped out of the restaurant (I really wanted some cheese enchiladas for lunch, so I called up Ben and had him meet me) I had a sudden, strong craving for cheesecake. The grocery store is on my way home and cheesecake sounded so nice, especially since today is my day that I've set aside for nothing but relaxation; nothing beats relaxing with some good cheesecake. When I was at the store, browsing the different flavors they sold, a guy, only a couple years older than me was standing not very far off looking at juices. As I made my selection -an assorted tray with chocolate marble, chocolate chip, chocolate peanut butter, and Dulce de Leche- I noticed that he was now standing beside me. He had an odd, skinny face with too large of a forehead which was covered with little hair from a buz cut. But his most striking feature were his large, creepy eyes that seemed to move back and forth, constantly analyzing whatever it was he fixed his glare upon. Right when I was picking the cake up, he asked, "You like cheesecake?"
"Yes, I do!" I replied as I looked at him at my side, not moving my head but instead my eyes, which sharpened to an inquistive stare. The tone in my voice was half haughty as if I was already anticipating an attack and letting it be known to him that I would remain indifferent to any opinion of his. Although defensive, my tone also hinted at my amusement and curiosity.
He spoke again, "Who's the cheesecake for?"
"Umm... me," I answered, in a fashion that could have let me add "Duh!" to the end perfectly. I turned my head slightly more in his direction and added, "Well, and anyone else that wants some." realizing that my first tone could give him the impression of some piggy fat girl who didn't care (which is more true than not). My statement wasn't fully a lie though, seeing that Ben may come over later and if he does I'll be making sure that he eats some.
"Oh, do you like eating?" he asked.
"Umm... yeah," I respond with an amused laugh as I, for the first time, turn my head towards his face.
"So, this is all for you?"
"No, and for anyone else that wants some." I pause and in an angry and annoyed voice add, "What's it matter to you?"
"...Are you sure you really need it?"
"Need... What?"
"Yeah, need. Are you sure you really need that cheesecake?"
"No, I don't need it. But aren't I allowed to want things?"
"Yeah, sure; it's your choice, but I'm just saying... well, you're already pretty chubby as is, so I was saying that maybe you should reconsider having that cheesecake." (My mind is flashing back to elementary school when were learning about fractions, proportions and ratios, and the teacher, using cake for an example, is asking the chubby girl in our class whether she you would want to have this much {the smallest portion}, this much {the next largest}, or the whole thing. She gives the correct answer that teacher is looking for, the whole thing. Then, the jerk boy of the class comments loudly enough for all to here "I don't think she needs the whole thing; she's already fat enough." A lot of the kids are laughing, the girl looks horrified and sad, I look at her feeling incredibly sorry and hating every person laughing, and the teacher, furious, is dragging the boy out into the hall to yell at him.)
Now, in my situation, my jaw drops and I stare at him as my mind blanks.
He continues, "I mean, you'd be really hot if you just lost some weight."
Silence; I'm in shock, petrified. I wish that Ben was here with me. I don't know what to do.
"Really," he says, "You would."
Finally, my shock and fear turn into anger and I snap, "Okay, whatever!" and march off, with the cheesecake still in my hands. I'm storming out of the bakery and as I'm passing the donuts I feel an impulse to grab a box just to show him that I don't care. I don't... it would have been cool though. I walk with my chin held high right into an express check out line, where my courage collapses and I become insecure and want nothing more than for the cashier to hurry up so that I can get out of the store, into my car, and then home. I make it to my car and don't hesitate before I start the ignition and drive off.
A couple minutes later, I burst out laughing. I think to myself that I have been skinny before, but that I much prefer where I am now. I start thinking of all the things I wish I had said to the boy. If only I had had the confidence. I did feel quite proud that I had the bravery to keep the cheesecake instead of throwing it down and running away though.
And now; now I'm at home feeling comfortable in, loving, and being proud of my soft curves and pudge, while typing this story and munching on my cheesecake. : )
Ooh, another thing: I broke a button on my pants today. Don't get too excited though; it didn't pop from me stuffing myself or anything like that. However, they are the tightest pair of pants that I own, and still wear. The button fell off somewhere around my house and I do hope that I can find it. It's actually more sad than anything else. They are a pair of really cute, colorful, plaid capris that I really like.
"Yes, I do!" I replied as I looked at him at my side, not moving my head but instead my eyes, which sharpened to an inquistive stare. The tone in my voice was half haughty as if I was already anticipating an attack and letting it be known to him that I would remain indifferent to any opinion of his. Although defensive, my tone also hinted at my amusement and curiosity.
He spoke again, "Who's the cheesecake for?"
"Umm... me," I answered, in a fashion that could have let me add "Duh!" to the end perfectly. I turned my head slightly more in his direction and added, "Well, and anyone else that wants some." realizing that my first tone could give him the impression of some piggy fat girl who didn't care (which is more true than not). My statement wasn't fully a lie though, seeing that Ben may come over later and if he does I'll be making sure that he eats some.
"Oh, do you like eating?" he asked.
"Umm... yeah," I respond with an amused laugh as I, for the first time, turn my head towards his face.
"So, this is all for you?"
"No, and for anyone else that wants some." I pause and in an angry and annoyed voice add, "What's it matter to you?"
"...Are you sure you really need it?"
"Need... What?"
"Yeah, need. Are you sure you really need that cheesecake?"
"No, I don't need it. But aren't I allowed to want things?"
"Yeah, sure; it's your choice, but I'm just saying... well, you're already pretty chubby as is, so I was saying that maybe you should reconsider having that cheesecake." (My mind is flashing back to elementary school when were learning about fractions, proportions and ratios, and the teacher, using cake for an example, is asking the chubby girl in our class whether she you would want to have this much {the smallest portion}, this much {the next largest}, or the whole thing. She gives the correct answer that teacher is looking for, the whole thing. Then, the jerk boy of the class comments loudly enough for all to here "I don't think she needs the whole thing; she's already fat enough." A lot of the kids are laughing, the girl looks horrified and sad, I look at her feeling incredibly sorry and hating every person laughing, and the teacher, furious, is dragging the boy out into the hall to yell at him.)
Now, in my situation, my jaw drops and I stare at him as my mind blanks.
He continues, "I mean, you'd be really hot if you just lost some weight."
Silence; I'm in shock, petrified. I wish that Ben was here with me. I don't know what to do.
"Really," he says, "You would."
Finally, my shock and fear turn into anger and I snap, "Okay, whatever!" and march off, with the cheesecake still in my hands. I'm storming out of the bakery and as I'm passing the donuts I feel an impulse to grab a box just to show him that I don't care. I don't... it would have been cool though. I walk with my chin held high right into an express check out line, where my courage collapses and I become insecure and want nothing more than for the cashier to hurry up so that I can get out of the store, into my car, and then home. I make it to my car and don't hesitate before I start the ignition and drive off.
A couple minutes later, I burst out laughing. I think to myself that I have been skinny before, but that I much prefer where I am now. I start thinking of all the things I wish I had said to the boy. If only I had had the confidence. I did feel quite proud that I had the bravery to keep the cheesecake instead of throwing it down and running away though.
And now; now I'm at home feeling comfortable in, loving, and being proud of my soft curves and pudge, while typing this story and munching on my cheesecake. : )
Ooh, another thing: I broke a button on my pants today. Don't get too excited though; it didn't pop from me stuffing myself or anything like that. However, they are the tightest pair of pants that I own, and still wear. The button fell off somewhere around my house and I do hope that I can find it. It's actually more sad than anything else. They are a pair of really cute, colorful, plaid capris that I really like.