beaten down and defeated
I don't post entries anymore because I never have anything good to say. Things just keep going from bad-to-worse-to-even worse for me...and I'm SO damn sick of it. I can live with broken cars and no money - but I can't take any more things that completely crush me mentally and emotionally. I was pregnant, and now I'm not. I went to the doctor yesterday because I was having some spotting. She did an ultrasound, and I saw the fetus, but it had no heartbeat. I don't know what's wrong with that I can't have a child - this is the second miscarriage I've had in less than a year. The first time, in April, I was about a month along - this time I was thirteen weeks. This time, because I was farther along, I have to go to the OR to have it removed...and I don't want to. It's not fair...
I keep thinking if I repeat it enough, the reality with sink in. The broken heart and tears are there, but I still don't want to believe it. All I keep thinking is that it's my child and I don't want to have to give him up...
I keep thinking if I repeat it enough, the reality with sink in. The broken heart and tears are there, but I still don't want to believe it. All I keep thinking is that it's my child and I don't want to have to give him up...