"What I'd give for you to tell me\ Another one of your stories."
Is it a little narcissistic to google yourself?
of course.
But I think everyone has done it at least once. And it's not like I google myself every day. Nothing would change, for one thing. And I don't have an overwhelming need to know that I exist to other people- it's just kind of cool.
But anyways, this story has a beginning.
This morning I was reading an article for history and I came across a name- Samuel Barnett. He was some minister or something in Britain in the late 1800s. I don't really remember. But the point is, the name stuck out to me. It stuck out to me because Samuel Barnett is also the name of the actor who originally played Posner in the aforementioned History Boys, and he plays Posner in the movie. I've kind of been obsessing over him since I watched the movie last week.
And that got me thinking- wouldn't it be really weird to come across someone with the exact same name as you? Someone with your identity? The John Smiths of the world might be used to it, but my name is pretty uncommon, so I've never had to worry about that. (Actually, my Dad knew someone with the same name as him- we lived in the same town- he died a couple of months ago. Anyways, not the point of this post.)
So I googled myself, to see if there were others with my name. Actually, I started with facebook, but found no one, and then moved on to google.
The google search proved successful when I used my full first name- Margaret. Although when birthdates were provided, they all seemed to be a lot older than me. Not surprising, since Margaret is more common in the older generations.
When I googled myself using Meg, my nickname, I was the only person who came up. I had actually discovered this a while ago, but I thought it might have changed. And there were some results for a Megan with my last name that I didn't remember seeing last time. But I was still the first ten or so results, and the only Meg. The google page was filled with high school honor rolls, Elks and CSF scholarships, and this silly library competition essay that somehow ended up in multiple places all over the internet. (I won a $100 gift certificate to Amazon, and then I never used it and it's expired and useless now.)
The thing is, that felt strange, too. I thought it would be weird to discover someone else living with your name, but it's equally unsettling to be alone. Out of 6 billion or whatever people in the world, I'm the only person with my name that's made it onto the internet. I'm it.
Link to a new Ok Go song cause they forbade embedding...
This story has a second chapter.
Tonight I was catching up on my Youtube sub box while trying to not do schoolwork (which I'm still doing, btw), and Michael Buckley posted a video on his personal channel (Peron75) about the story behind his Peron75 username. And he asked us to explain ours in the comments.
Now, I think this livejournal is pretty much the only online facility I use that isn't under "thephantommilk". I created this before I started using that regularly, and I can't be bothered to change it, though I think about doing so sometimes. So anyways, my youtube and everything else is under "thephantommilk".
What I wrote in response to Buck's question, was that "thephantommilk" really has no deeper meaning, or I don't think it does. I remember I was in 8th grade (and I was weird in 8th grade- I mean, I'm still weird sometimes, but what I mean is I've changed since then so I don't really know what I was thinking) and trying to come up with an AIM screenname. It started with "phantomchic", which was taken, so I changed it to "phantommilk" and then added the "the" out front- I honestly don't remember why. I mean, I like milk, and phantoms, and I suppose "the", but I really don't understand where the whole thing came from. But it stuck- I liked it at first because it was random and weird and kind of funny, and when I started using it for other internet-related pursuits, it drew responses from people. It was original, to say the least.
Now, of course, that's who I am online, and I identify with it a lot. But it's also convenient- it will never be a taken username on any website that I try to join.
And when I wrote that bit about it being convenient, and unique to me, I connected it with my earlier name-searching spree. So I did the obvious- I googled "thephantommilk". And the results were interesting.
Once again, they're all definitely by or about me, though that's not at all surprising this time around. Some of them are expected- Twitter, Myspace, Youtube, Dailybooth, LeakyCon and Wrockstock forums, or related. One was obvious and prevalent- the Ok Go boards, my longest internet residence.
Some were forgotten- Fireflyfans.net, Tally Hall forums, and some were embarrassing, specifically the Beastie Boys forums- *cringe*. Some were just weird- a 5awesomegays video and its recent comments embedded in some sketchy non-English speaking website. (Good video, though, it was Tyler ranting about gender stereotypes <3)
But there was one result that was totally unexpected, and actually really touching. A two-year-old post on a random blog, from a girl, probably around my age, about Ok Go. She was a lurker on the Ok Go boards and through them had learned about the song Return, and how it's about Damian's friend Timory, also the subject of T's Song, who died in a freak accident while they were still in college. It's a sad story, and her blog post was mostly about feeling grief for someone she didn't even know, who she really had no connection to, no personal reason, and almost no right, to grieve for. It's actually a really well-written and thoughtful post, I suggest you go read it.
Anyways, she talked a little bit about the Ok Go boards, too. She mentioned how we try to respect the band's privacy, we don't talk about their girlfriends or wives, and we don't objectify and demean their personal lives, and part of this is that we don't really talk about or ruminate over T and that whole story- out of respect for T, and for the fact that it's not just a song for Damian and the people who knew her, it's a lot more than that, and we as fans will never understand it in the same way, and it would be rude and ignorant to bring it up a lot.
So we might make semi-crass comments about the particular members of the band we're attracted to, but we don't talk about their personal shit. The girl who wrote the blog post (I think her name's Leela) thought that was really cool, and honestly so do I. I think that's an integral part of being a caring fan, and it's one of my favorite things about the community around the Ok Go boards. I love the fact that we care enough and are respectful enough to band together and decide that we want to have a healthy relationship with the band we adore, and to make that an unofficial board rule.
But anyways, this has been a huge tangent, because I was still talking about googling myself and my online identities.
At the end of Leela's post, she writes-
"I love reading the boards, and am actually a member, but never post. It's just so strange, how I know Kikky and Sheri and Electra and thephantommilk and mundun and mixtape and Darbie and so many others--I'm not big on the names. I identify them by their lovely signatures and avatars. They are funny and golden and just as obsessed as I, sometimes even more so. Therefore, incredibly intimidating. So all my responses and excitement goes here, not there. Ah well."
So after a small moment of "ZOMG Someone recognizes me and knows me and is WOAH intimidated by me just because I spend too much time on the Ok Go boards, that's crazy and actually, kind of cool", (which was actually a rather large moment, and still going) I got to really thinking about it.
Actually, there was also a moment in there of "Aww, I miss Sheri. And Kikky. And mundun." They've all pretty much stopped posting, for one reason or another.
Now, I totally empathize with her being intimidated of participating in a community that's close. It's happened to me before, and the main reason it didn't happen to me when I joined the Ok Go boards is because I forced myself to start posting as soon as I joined. When I felt like no one was paying attention, I convinced myself not to stop, because I wanted to connect with the other boardies so badly. Eventually, I sort of stuck around and my post count grew and I felt comfortable talking to everyone. That translates into more frequent posts and a bigger presence on the boards.
But I think it's a shame that people such as Leela lurk on the boards. I try to be very inclusive, and always nice and accepting of newbies, and I'm pretty sure the others do too. The thing about a message board is, once your post is made, you're a part of the conversation, even if no one responds directly to you. And that's important to realize. Based on her blog, if Leela had started posting, we probably would have loved to have her and to know her. And that makes me sad, the fact that I don't know her now, even though she knows part of me.
So now that the initial OMGWTFery of being a recognized entity on the internet has died down, I realize that it's also, well, nice. It's like having friends- people who care about what you have to say. The boardies on the Ok Go board are just that- people who care about me and my interests and my opinions. Nevermind that I never got the chance to speak directly to Leela, that I never knew she was listening, there was still a connection there. A human connection. And that's nice. That's a good thing. It makes me all warm and fuzzy.
Sorry for the obscenely long post, I just wanted to get that out. You should go watch the video I linked to earlier, Ok Go's new material is absolutely fantastic and I can't wait for the album to drop.
I use the word "OMGWTFery" in my head all the time, to describe the total confusion and awe of a really ridiculous situation. But I don't talk a lot, so I think other people should start using it, and then it'll be a common word, and that would be fantastic.
ps, I changed my layout. I like it a lot.
...
Party.
No really, it's my birthday!!! Party!
of course.
But I think everyone has done it at least once. And it's not like I google myself every day. Nothing would change, for one thing. And I don't have an overwhelming need to know that I exist to other people- it's just kind of cool.
But anyways, this story has a beginning.
This morning I was reading an article for history and I came across a name- Samuel Barnett. He was some minister or something in Britain in the late 1800s. I don't really remember. But the point is, the name stuck out to me. It stuck out to me because Samuel Barnett is also the name of the actor who originally played Posner in the aforementioned History Boys, and he plays Posner in the movie. I've kind of been obsessing over him since I watched the movie last week.
And that got me thinking- wouldn't it be really weird to come across someone with the exact same name as you? Someone with your identity? The John Smiths of the world might be used to it, but my name is pretty uncommon, so I've never had to worry about that. (Actually, my Dad knew someone with the same name as him- we lived in the same town- he died a couple of months ago. Anyways, not the point of this post.)
So I googled myself, to see if there were others with my name. Actually, I started with facebook, but found no one, and then moved on to google.
The google search proved successful when I used my full first name- Margaret. Although when birthdates were provided, they all seemed to be a lot older than me. Not surprising, since Margaret is more common in the older generations.
When I googled myself using Meg, my nickname, I was the only person who came up. I had actually discovered this a while ago, but I thought it might have changed. And there were some results for a Megan with my last name that I didn't remember seeing last time. But I was still the first ten or so results, and the only Meg. The google page was filled with high school honor rolls, Elks and CSF scholarships, and this silly library competition essay that somehow ended up in multiple places all over the internet. (I won a $100 gift certificate to Amazon, and then I never used it and it's expired and useless now.)
The thing is, that felt strange, too. I thought it would be weird to discover someone else living with your name, but it's equally unsettling to be alone. Out of 6 billion or whatever people in the world, I'm the only person with my name that's made it onto the internet. I'm it.
Link to a new Ok Go song cause they forbade embedding...
This story has a second chapter.
Tonight I was catching up on my Youtube sub box while trying to not do schoolwork (which I'm still doing, btw), and Michael Buckley posted a video on his personal channel (Peron75) about the story behind his Peron75 username. And he asked us to explain ours in the comments.
Now, I think this livejournal is pretty much the only online facility I use that isn't under "thephantommilk". I created this before I started using that regularly, and I can't be bothered to change it, though I think about doing so sometimes. So anyways, my youtube and everything else is under "thephantommilk".
What I wrote in response to Buck's question, was that "thephantommilk" really has no deeper meaning, or I don't think it does. I remember I was in 8th grade (and I was weird in 8th grade- I mean, I'm still weird sometimes, but what I mean is I've changed since then so I don't really know what I was thinking) and trying to come up with an AIM screenname. It started with "phantomchic", which was taken, so I changed it to "phantommilk" and then added the "the" out front- I honestly don't remember why. I mean, I like milk, and phantoms, and I suppose "the", but I really don't understand where the whole thing came from. But it stuck- I liked it at first because it was random and weird and kind of funny, and when I started using it for other internet-related pursuits, it drew responses from people. It was original, to say the least.
Now, of course, that's who I am online, and I identify with it a lot. But it's also convenient- it will never be a taken username on any website that I try to join.
And when I wrote that bit about it being convenient, and unique to me, I connected it with my earlier name-searching spree. So I did the obvious- I googled "thephantommilk". And the results were interesting.
Once again, they're all definitely by or about me, though that's not at all surprising this time around. Some of them are expected- Twitter, Myspace, Youtube, Dailybooth, LeakyCon and Wrockstock forums, or related. One was obvious and prevalent- the Ok Go boards, my longest internet residence.
Some were forgotten- Fireflyfans.net, Tally Hall forums, and some were embarrassing, specifically the Beastie Boys forums- *cringe*. Some were just weird- a 5awesomegays video and its recent comments embedded in some sketchy non-English speaking website. (Good video, though, it was Tyler ranting about gender stereotypes <3)
But there was one result that was totally unexpected, and actually really touching. A two-year-old post on a random blog, from a girl, probably around my age, about Ok Go. She was a lurker on the Ok Go boards and through them had learned about the song Return, and how it's about Damian's friend Timory, also the subject of T's Song, who died in a freak accident while they were still in college. It's a sad story, and her blog post was mostly about feeling grief for someone she didn't even know, who she really had no connection to, no personal reason, and almost no right, to grieve for. It's actually a really well-written and thoughtful post, I suggest you go read it.
Anyways, she talked a little bit about the Ok Go boards, too. She mentioned how we try to respect the band's privacy, we don't talk about their girlfriends or wives, and we don't objectify and demean their personal lives, and part of this is that we don't really talk about or ruminate over T and that whole story- out of respect for T, and for the fact that it's not just a song for Damian and the people who knew her, it's a lot more than that, and we as fans will never understand it in the same way, and it would be rude and ignorant to bring it up a lot.
So we might make semi-crass comments about the particular members of the band we're attracted to, but we don't talk about their personal shit. The girl who wrote the blog post (I think her name's Leela) thought that was really cool, and honestly so do I. I think that's an integral part of being a caring fan, and it's one of my favorite things about the community around the Ok Go boards. I love the fact that we care enough and are respectful enough to band together and decide that we want to have a healthy relationship with the band we adore, and to make that an unofficial board rule.
But anyways, this has been a huge tangent, because I was still talking about googling myself and my online identities.
At the end of Leela's post, she writes-
"I love reading the boards, and am actually a member, but never post. It's just so strange, how I know Kikky and Sheri and Electra and thephantommilk and mundun and mixtape and Darbie and so many others--I'm not big on the names. I identify them by their lovely signatures and avatars. They are funny and golden and just as obsessed as I, sometimes even more so. Therefore, incredibly intimidating. So all my responses and excitement goes here, not there. Ah well."
So after a small moment of "ZOMG Someone recognizes me and knows me and is WOAH intimidated by me just because I spend too much time on the Ok Go boards, that's crazy and actually, kind of cool", (which was actually a rather large moment, and still going) I got to really thinking about it.
Actually, there was also a moment in there of "Aww, I miss Sheri. And Kikky. And mundun." They've all pretty much stopped posting, for one reason or another.
Now, I totally empathize with her being intimidated of participating in a community that's close. It's happened to me before, and the main reason it didn't happen to me when I joined the Ok Go boards is because I forced myself to start posting as soon as I joined. When I felt like no one was paying attention, I convinced myself not to stop, because I wanted to connect with the other boardies so badly. Eventually, I sort of stuck around and my post count grew and I felt comfortable talking to everyone. That translates into more frequent posts and a bigger presence on the boards.
But I think it's a shame that people such as Leela lurk on the boards. I try to be very inclusive, and always nice and accepting of newbies, and I'm pretty sure the others do too. The thing about a message board is, once your post is made, you're a part of the conversation, even if no one responds directly to you. And that's important to realize. Based on her blog, if Leela had started posting, we probably would have loved to have her and to know her. And that makes me sad, the fact that I don't know her now, even though she knows part of me.
So now that the initial OMGWTFery of being a recognized entity on the internet has died down, I realize that it's also, well, nice. It's like having friends- people who care about what you have to say. The boardies on the Ok Go board are just that- people who care about me and my interests and my opinions. Nevermind that I never got the chance to speak directly to Leela, that I never knew she was listening, there was still a connection there. A human connection. And that's nice. That's a good thing. It makes me all warm and fuzzy.
Sorry for the obscenely long post, I just wanted to get that out. You should go watch the video I linked to earlier, Ok Go's new material is absolutely fantastic and I can't wait for the album to drop.
I use the word "OMGWTFery" in my head all the time, to describe the total confusion and awe of a really ridiculous situation. But I don't talk a lot, so I think other people should start using it, and then it'll be a common word, and that would be fantastic.
ps, I changed my layout. I like it a lot.
...
Party.
No really, it's my birthday!!! Party!