sober.

[mego_fourtwenty]

finally, i feel like i am starting to pull my life together.. although it is just the beginning of a very long & hard road. i know i can do this though.. i wasted so much time and missed out on so much while i was on drugs. i go to see a doctor once a week, and counselors twice a week. everything is going good. i started on suboxone about a month ago. it almost eliminates cravings completely. i still think about using at least 3 times a week though. thats okay, as long as i'm just thinking, and not actually doing it! also, suboxone blocks my opiate receptors in my brain, so even if i took any pills, it would be a waste of money and time because my receptors are already "occupied" by the suboxone. i like being clean.. i am by NO means back to normal again, but just the short time ive been clean i feel so much better about myself. it just feels so good when my friends&family tell me how proud they are of me. it makes me SO happy. i still have a lot of work to do though. i wouldn't have been able to do any of this without my family and friends supporting me.. and my counselors. no, i don't have a job yet, but thats OKAY for now. im still having some shitty side effects from the meds but i can deal with it. ive been looking around a little bit for a job. also, i really want to go back to school. ive made up my mind, i want to do massage therapy.. and i mean actually go through with it this time. my goal is just to be HAPPY.. with myself, with life.. ive been so sad for so long i dont know what it feels like to be happy.. im starting to get the hang of it though :)
thanks to everyone who has stuck by me through all of this. i love you all.. xo