(no subject)
We all turn to something, disease or no
disease.
We all seek something to fill that hole and some
never find it.
Maybe no one ever finds it or maybe some choose
to turn to something more destructive.
Self medicating, drugs and alcohol. That was the
road I chose.
When I first started down that path I thought I
had found everything, I had to search no more.
I floated on a cloud, day by day. Night by
night. Everything seemed okay. Finally.
It turned it all off.
The lingering doom, the black hole, the pills,
the doctors, the fear. The ultimate fear.
and it turned into my ultimate sin.
My ultimate sin but it was still something of my
own. It was still my something and I had found it.
It blinded me, took me down.
Further and further and further but I hung on, I
hung on tight.
I grasped it in my tiny hands. I hide it. I let
it destroy everything around me.
I look back, 7 years.
7 years wasted.
7 years, blindfolded.
7 years gone.
and now? Now I'm running out of time.
I've got a month under my belt today, I don't
even wear a belt.
but I've got it, it's mine.
I will cling to it, grasp it, put it
first.
It is mine. It is my choice and for the first
time I have control.
I am not blinded, deaf or spiraling down.
I am walking up, reaching for the next step but
not without hope not without love.
It is not possible to do a damn thing without
those things, without love, hope and sacrifice.
You can do anything.