Last Night

[megmar85]

so when i drink and am alone and bored i look at things on the internet i probably shouldnt. meaning, things from my past. anyway, i came across megans (ricky's wife) myspace. quite interesting. she has very very very slutty pictures of herself on it in like jeans and a tank top that she tied up... in some of them the jeans are unbuttoned. anyway, thats not the point. shes a weirdo. the point is, i looked at her friends and one of them was ricky. well, he doesnt seem like the myspace kinda guy so i was surprised, but of course i looked at his profile.... and his pictures... and seeing him... i cant explain what i was like. like, it made me sick. i looked at him and felt sick about myself. sick that i was with him, and disgusted with the way i look. bc thats how he always made me feel. and even just looking at his picture made me feel like i needed to be ashamed of who i am. i get chills over and over just thinking about seeing him again. blah.

on another note... i really want to see justin tonight, but id say theres like a 1% chance of that happening. im still gonna work on it though. ill get drunk during ngw and then text him something that i know will get his attention and then he'll either ignore me or we'll text back and forth for a long time and then he'll lead me on and never show. thats how it always works. but maybe just MAYBE he will show. i dunno, i guess we'll have to see.

okay, i should REALLY study for my final on monday now. esp since im partying tonight.

eww, i feel so siiiick.